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self discipline
By anon16
12/26/2011 9:41:01 AM
For several years, almost a 1/4 of my life, I didn't work very hard about controlling myself, as it related to porn and mb.

I have always had issues with self control. Always. I'm not entirely sure why, but its a weakness of mine. And as a result when i don't control myself, nd am not able to complete something or do the best job I could, I really beat myself up about it.

Everything I struggle with is related to self control, or discipline rather. And I wonder if part of it is because I never really controlled myself with porn and mb. And if its just a matter of self discipline and not addiction. I really don't know. I haven't worked the steps. Its challenging for me. I need to get more days of soberity before I think it'll make a difference. I have to treat this like an addiction, but the the thought of always having this really discourages me.

It is like having a wonderful almost endless buffet in front of you at all times. You take it with you always and can give in and eat whenever you want. But its not good food, the good food is over there, looking pitiful. And you want the other food. And its so easy. That is my dilemma. I sometimes have no desire whatsoever to look at porn, or mb or whatever. And then a few minutes later, I want to. I remember how good the food tasted and i want that. I go back and forth. I want to sta in one place. I'm just not sure how to do that.

Comments:

a couple thoughts    
"The idea that this will always be with you can be detrimentally discouraging. But I don't think it's what we think. The temptation will likely return on occasion throughout our lives. And if we give in, we may find ourselves struggling once more.

But, based on personal experience, I think the Lord (through the repentance of the 12 steps) can take us to a place where the temptation doesn't come very often, and when it does, it is weak, and we are strong enough to resist without fear that we are going to fall.

So, yes the temptation may come forever, but we can get to the point where we have a choice again! We can choose whether to indulge or not. Enslaved to our addiction, most of us lose that choice. It's possible to get it back, with the Lord.

I like your analogy. What if the buffet next to you were full of semi-tasty junk (or unhealthy) food. But "over there" is a plate (enough for your needs) of the most delicious, healthy, flavorful food. In front of you is ice cream you've been eating all your life. Over there is a professionally prepared asparagus.

I'm not a food guy, so I can't explain this perfectly, but I know which choice my kids would want every time, and I know that most of the time, I would want the truly good, healthy stuff. The temptation to have ice cream is still there, but my desire for a good dinner is stronger. How do I get to this point? I used to be a kid, too. But I forced myself to try healthy food for years, and I kept trying new things. Eventually, my desires actually changed!

Fast and pray that your desires will change, and try the healthy food (spiritual media) as often as possible. This is not easy, and it will take longer than you want, But with patience, you will eventually only be tempted by the ice cream in your face once in a while. The asparagus on the other side of the room will look so delicious to you! I know this happens with food and spiritual things. Keep sampling the good stuff and praying for your desires to change.

P.S. If you don't like asparagus, think of some healthy food that you have learned to like even more than ice cream. This analogy can work for you, too."
posted at 11:55:42 on December 26, 2011 by beclean
Desire is interesting...    
"What we want is interesting. Because often our wants change so easily. I want a bike. No I want a TV. I want ice cream. It comes and goes. But there are things that we always want. I have always wanted a ukulele. Or any other musical instrument. And even when I have one, I want another. I love them. I always want a temple marriage. No matter the temptation, if a bike and a musical instrument were offered to me, I would pick the instrument. What do you really want? Because even if the temptation is always there, there is always something you will want more. A mission? A temple marriage? The Spirit always being with you? An ecclesiastical endorsement? This is sacrifice. We don't sacrifice animals. We sacrifice desires, our will. We sacrifice our want. Because that's the only thing we really have to offer. It's the only thing that's ours. But sacrifice isn't just giving something up. It's trading something for something even better, something priceless. It's handing a lump of coal to the Lord and having Him give you diamonds."
posted at 16:14:06 on December 26, 2011 by Iamstrong
Private post    
"I wrote my post above soon after Anon16 wrote this blog. However, at some point, I checked the box to make my post private. Sorry!"
posted at 20:35:28 on January 2, 2012 by beclean
i saw it    
"Not sure what you mean - I saw it!

Before I messed up, it was attractive. I wanted it, considered it something good. But last night taught me a lesson. As soon as i gave in I just wanted more. I felt hollow and worthless."
posted at 20:49:04 on January 2, 2012 by anon16
Mediocrity    
"The following is a quote from an amazing book which has opened my blind eyes to the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and I loved this quote. I would recommend the book to anyone I meet.
"Often I am the first to acknowledge that my efforts are mediocre at best. But instead of feeling bad about not offering more, I recognize it's a step in the right direction. I remind myself that the word mediocre is from the Latin word mediocris, which means halfway up the mountain. It doesn't describe how far I can go. It just indicates how far I have come. If I am halfway up the mountain and on my way to the top, it is better than being at the bottom and refusing to try. No matter where I am on the mountain, the motivation to climb higher is found not in trying to impress God and Christ with my sacrifices, but in letting their sacrifices be more deeply impressed upon me. "(pages 108-109. "The Continuous Atonement by Brad Wilcox)"
posted at 21:32:30 on January 2, 2012 by SeminaryKid
anon16    
"You can do it brother!"
posted at 14:35:10 on January 3, 2012 by BA
...    
"Thanks Seminary kid, I will check that book out. That is so true and helpful.
BA, actually I'm a sister, but thanks :-)
So far I am two days clean from porn and mb. I still want it. I have a better understanding of how rotten it really makes me feel, but I still want it. The guilt is mostly gone, replaced by panic as to the consequences. For a while at least, I'm meeting with my bishop weekly so that hopefully will help."
posted at 14:58:17 on January 3, 2012 by anon16


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"Now brethren, the time has come for any one of us who is so involved to pull himself out of the mire, to stand above this evil thing, to “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47). We do not have to view salacious magazines. We do not have to read books laden with smut. We do not have to watch television that is beneath wholesome standards. We do not have to rent movies that depict that which is filthy. We do not have to sit at the computer and play with ographic material found on the Internet."

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004