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Haven't given in yet
By anon16
12/24/2011 3:45:39 PM
This week I have struggled, a lot. It's exactly what I feared was going to happen, and part of me wonders if I made it a "self fulfilling prophecy" I am fairly sure that the 30 days started over, and I get that confirmed next week. Right now I am at day 22, as far as mb though.

While I have not stopped wanting to "just give in" I realize that if I do, I will chicken out after a day or so, because my conscience wakes up. And I hate that.

Today I was tempted. I listened to my scriptures, and did a semi physical activity. Did it help? Yes. I wasn't dwelling on mb like I had been previously. Is the temptation still lurking, waiting for me to give up? Yes. But it's not quite as bad as it was. I wasn't in a really bad haze, but just enough to make it hard for me to focus.

Is it easier then it was? Yes. Would I give my 22 days of sobriety, and all this effort up, for a really good reason to quit, or a way to have this cake and eat it as well? Yes.

And I'm not sure how to get out of that mentality. But I don't want to give this up. And I'm not sure how to persuade myself to want to. To be so dedicated that it never crosses my mind to just give in, that it isn't worth it. My bishop put it in the sense that "its want satan wants you to feel." Perhaps, but I can't see that now. I can just see how worthless a person I am, for wanting this and not having the control, nor wanting it. If I could have this, and not have anyone know, or have any consequences, then I would give in. Because I'm so selfish.

Comments:

You are not selfish.    
"Trust me. I know that you are not selfish. Remember that people have layers. Good and bad layers. And some people have the good layers on top and the bad ones underneath. Some have them evenly spread out. Some have all the bad on top and the good underneath. So don't just judge yourself based on the top layers. You care about other people. You are not selfish. You are fighting this. You have reasons more than just not getting caught. You have a whole list of reasons. And they are good. And they aren't selfish at all. So remember that you are good. And try to be even better. Keep it up! You are awesome!"
posted at 20:08:10 on December 24, 2011 by iamstrong
That's just your body talking    
"YOU are the one who posts on this site, looking for help, and looking for righteous desires to develop. YOU are the one who talks to your Bishop, even when it feels difficult. YOU are the one who has been in control for 22 days, fighting the good battle, showing what strength you have.

That "selfish" thing desiring to eat cake and have it to--that's just your body talking. We all have one of those. Tell it who's the boss. Your body is not going to die just because you skipped mb today. It can wait one more day. Take it one day at a time.

IAMSTRONG said it. YOU are good!"
posted at 22:55:03 on December 24, 2011 by beclean


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"I need not define your specific problem to help you overcome it. It doesn’t matter what it is. If it violates the commandments of the Lord, it comes from Satan, and the Lord can overcome all of Satan’s influence through your application of righteous principles. Please understand that the way back is not as hard as it seems to you now. Satan wants you to think that it is impossible. That is not true. The Savior gave His life so that you can completely overcome the challenges you face. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990