i need answers...someone please help.
By churchgirl
12/21/2011 10:06:40 PM
i have had a trouble some past in my high school years (at age 16)
i got involved with the wrong crowd and eventually did some things that were not pleasing to our Father in Heaven. I have repented, even though I havent really came out to my bishop out it. Sometimes I start feeling super bad about myself and even regret doing everything that was done such as pornography and sexual things. Can you get disfellowshipped for pornography and if you can how? I'm also worried this is holding me back from going to getting the good righteous husband that every little girl dreams about. I also am holding callings now. When I do get married do I tell my husband if so how? just any information that anyone can give please let me know.

im here for a reason, i want to get help, i want to get answers.


First of all, welcome to the site    
"You haven't fully repented until you have confessed to the Bishop in matters such as this. The fact that you are troubled by these things tells me that you haven't felt the healing power of the Savior's atonement. He suffered for exactly this type of situation, that is, to heal you and give you lasting comfort and happiness, and freedom from sin.

When I went in to confess my sins to my bishop when I was preparing for a mission, I was more than terrified. But the awful guilt that I felt for my sins was so overwhelming that I had to get those things off of my chest, no matter what the cost. That guilt forced me into that office, and it forced me to confess.

It was very tearful, and I thought that he would despise me for what I had done. But what happened was just the opposite. After I confessed to him, I felt a burden lifted off of me. Then I not only felt the burden gone, but I felt this wonderful feeling of complete cleanliness, not just the absence of sin and guilt, but the most elevating sense of warmth and goodness and love as the cleansing power of the atonement washed through my soul.

Then my bishop told me that I would remember my sins in my mind, but that they wouldn't bother me in my heart again. And he was right. And it is wonderful.

I implore you to confess your sins and find real happiness and peace such as you've never felt before.

Confession is not a punishment, as I thought when I entered that office, it's a healing process. The arms of our Savior's mercy are outstretched to you now. Why not let him reveal his healing power to you?"
posted at 22:37:00 on December 21, 2011 by dog
I love what dog said    
"Confession is a necessary part of repentance, and if you have truly repented, you will feel a great weight lifted when you have confessed to your bishop.

To answer some of your other questions, I don't believe it is possible to be excommunicated for viewing porn or even committing most sexual acts when you were a teenage girl. That is because you hadn't made temple covenants yet. I don't believe you will be disfellowshipped either. If you have not returned to These sins in years, you will likely just feel a great sense of relief, and your bishop will send you on your way with love and a charge to sin no more.

What you have done is grave and harmful to your spirit. It will prevent you from progressing if you do not fully repent. Just take the final step and see if your bishop thinks you have completed the process.

Some husbands are different than others, and all spouses should be fully honest with each other. For those reasons, when you are engaged to your future husband, I recommend that you tell him that you have done some things in your past that you are not proud of. Tell him that you have fully repented of those things. Ask him if he would like to know what they are. If he would like to know, then tell him. If he does not care, then you do not need to tell him. If you are willing to tell people that you don't know on a website, then you should be willing to tell your husband, if he cares to know.

That's just my opinion."
posted at 02:05:48 on December 22, 2011 by beclean
Your future is bright.    
"Confession to your Bishop is necessary. First off, it helps you to know that you have repented and been forgiven. Second, he can help you find the answers to your questions.

As a teenage girl, I can say that you will not be disfellowshipped for porn. And you won't be disfellowshipped for sexual acts if you are repentant. (I suppose that if you were a prostitute or something like that then maybe... But I know from experience that the repentant sinners when it comes to the law of chastity CAN remain fully active in the church). You are worthy to hold your callings. God would not call you if you were not supposed to be there. And when it comes to the righteous man of your dreams, you will find him. Just keep being the girl that is worthy of him so that when the time comes you are ready. You are not who you were. You have become new. So don't you ever look back.

And when you do find him, you will feel in your heart whether you should tell him. My Bishop and my mom told me that I had no obligation to tell my future husband about my past mistakes regarding sexual acts. They said that who I was is not who I am and that he will fall in love with who I am. He does not need to know. It is erased. BUT when the time comes, I should pray about it. And then act on the answer I receive.

Don't be afraid. Christ always told us to be not afraid. Search the scriptures. They have the answer to every question you could possibly have."
posted at 02:33:48 on December 22, 2011 by Iamstrong
Your Bishop    
"Too many of our youth don't understand the relationship they need to develop with their Bishop. He is more than just a "Judge in Israel". He is your friend and your cheerleader. Nothing will help jumpstart your recovery more than taking the step to meet with your Bishop and allow him to help you through these rough spots in your life. I can tell you as a former Bishop that you won't face any type of formal discipline, and he won't discuss your worthiness with anyone..including your parents. He will lovingly give you the tools and encouragement you need to hasten your repentance and recovery. Get an Addiction Recovery manual, and ask your Bishop to work it with you. Trust the love that he has for you."
posted at 14:28:21 on December 24, 2011 by chefdalet
I know it's hard    
"I've been there, twice. I know how hard it is and that there is a gigantic amount of fear and shame involved. But after you do talk to your bishop the sense of relief is so much greater than the pain. At least it was for me."
posted at 02:24:26 on December 27, 2011 by Anonymous
Your husband will understand you    
"I hate to break this to you, but there is no such thing as " the good, righteous husband that every little girl dreams about." Sorry.
Guys have problems too. I don't know you, and I don't know what you have done. All i know is that any guy you talk to has no right to condemn you. My dad always says "99% of guys struggle with sexual sins and the other 1% is lying about not doing it." it's true. Don't be afraid of confronting your husband. It's something we all have top do, sooner or later. I would say talk about it before you are married, but after you have discussed marriage.
If you tell your man about your problems, and he has any problem with it, he did not deserve to go to the temple with you. I'm sorry.
I know you will find a good husband who supports you and sympathizes with you. God be with you. And don't be afraid. We're all lost. Odds are, when you tell your husband, he will open up and confess to you. Hopefully you will grow much closer and stronger because of it."
posted at 23:34:52 on February 14, 2012 by SeminaryKid
Your Husband Is So Much Better Than That    
"He will love you. He will admire that you worked so hard to overcome your weakness. I don't agree that EVERY guy struggles with sexual sin. The same way I don't think EVERY girl struggles with a particular weakness. Maybe your husband has never struggled with that. But the kind of guy that you are looking for is someone who understands weaknesses. Someone who has a strong testimony. Someone who has overcome their personal weakness, whatever it is. He won't be perfect. None of us are. But a good man is out there. And you are the good woman that he is looking for. We are not bad people trying to be good. We are sick people trying to get well. And you will get well because Christ is the perfect physician."
posted at 01:36:35 on February 16, 2012 by iamstrong
Confess and Forsake    
"Why would a loving spouse ask someone to turnaround and stare into the sins that are taken care of? If they ask that you could and should simply reply assumming that it has no issues that effect them such as a child or STD. "I have made some mistakes that I am not proud of and I have taken care of them with the proper authority. It is not something that I want to dig up and have no intentions of doing so. If you disagree with my stance, I am sorry." If they continued to push I would then answer, "You should seek the spirit to see if you should be dating/marry me, not a bucket list of my mistakes." I told my spouse and dug up some pretty deep wounds that I had no guilt for, I went to a bishop again and reconfessed the sins because I was harrowed up again (which almost happened to Alma and the Sons of Mosiah) and He asked me why I told my spouse my problems and counseled me not to."
posted at 13:43:37 on July 30, 2013 by Anonymous

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"Lucifer will do all in his power to keep you captive. You are familiar with his strategy. He whispers: “No one will ever know.” “Just one more time.” “You can’t change; you have tried before and failed.” “It’s too late; you’ve gone too far.” Don’t let him discourage you. When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990