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Progress
By iamstrong
12/20/2011 9:32:18 PM
It's interesting. I messed up today. I should have seen it coming. I was super stressed and overwhelmed with everything going on with my friends and family. I should have known that it was going to be a trigger and I should have stayed in public areas with my family so that I wouldn't be able to. But I went to an empty room to be alone and soon found myself self medicating.

It's interesting how I always tell people to realize that even though they are back at day 0 that they have made progress. But it is so hard for me to believe that about myself. So here I am. Realizing that I'm not hopeless. Even though immediately after I felt like I would be trapped forever. But after thinking, I am not doomed. I messed up. And now I am learning that even after so long that I need to be fully aware of my triggers. And I am going to work on this. I'm improving. I'm making progress.

Comments:

Very true    
"I don't know exactly what your record is, but if you were clean for two weeks, you don't currently have a score of 0, you are 14-1. That's a dang good team!"
posted at 21:55:09 on December 20, 2011 by beclean
If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth it    
"Right now I'm in the same spot, but I've not given in yet. Yet, as in I'm most likely going to. But your post, strange as it may sound, was an inspiration to me. That as long as you pick yourself back up, you'll be fine. It might take a while, but you'll be fine. Weren't you at the longest you'd ever been sober? That is progress.

It's so easy to be hard on yourself. But it sounds like you are trying very hard not to. And I applaud you for that. It's really hard not to beat yourself up - or to just, "Well, I've already messed up, what's the point." But it's worth it. A friend of mine put it this way, "In the pre mortal, we weren't promised it would be easy, but it would be worth it. If it were easy, it wouldn't be in the Lords way. And if it were easy, it wouldn't be worth it."

Think about how everything that seems easy, can have lasting consequences. Being really good at something means you don't have to try. So you don't, and you eventually lose your gift from disuse. She also gave me these scriptures Philippians 4:13 1 Peter 1:7. They are worth reading. She isn't struggling with this issue, but she is wise.

I really hope this helps. It sucks big time to do really well, and then mess up. Keep Going. And good luck."
posted at 22:40:32 on December 20, 2011 by anon16
I love BECLEAN's comment    
"because it's so true (and btw, IAMSTRONG is 100+ days clean, so she's doing great). And you're so honest, IAMSTRONG. You have been an inspiration to me, and you continue to be, even if you "mess up" now and then. And now you're a little wiser and you know to prepare for this particular trigger.

Get back up, dust off, and realize you're a daughter of God. And you're not trapped, so don't panic, that's the tool of the Adversary. Just do the best you can and I promise you that someday you'll conquer this. And, btw, even though you messed up, you're still temple worthy."
posted at 22:43:43 on December 20, 2011 by dog
Hope this helps    
"Iamstrong-
I know what you mean. My therapist just showed me a really cook visual analogy. I wish I could draw it on here....but hopefully by explaining you will get it.
So we all picture our progress from point A from point B, a straight line. When in reality it starts at point A it goes in a straight line for a little bit then loops around, straight then loops around. So loops big, some barely moving from the line. (hope you sorta get the visual). This is our life. We are never go back to where we started, EVER! We do have the ups and downs in our journey. Maybe we go back a little bit, in our downs. I lover visual things. I hope this makes sense. And if not, I always put tally marks for the days I don't give in. If I do, then no tally mark. That way When I do mess up I can look at all the tally marks and try to focus on them. Easy said then done. Good luck. God Is there. :D good luck. Hope that was not too confusing."
posted at 00:42:37 on December 21, 2011 by Getthrough


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"Strength comes from uplifting music, good books, and feasting from the scriptures. Since the Book of Mormon was to come forth “when there shall be great pollutions upon the face of the earth” (Morm. 8:31), study of that book in particular will fortify us."

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988