12/17/2011 2:21:56 PM
I have always been honest with my bishop about my issues and he has not told me not to use my priesthood to give blessings; so when a blessing is required and I am the only one available to do it, I do it. But, the truth is, despite the Bishop's permission, I often wish I were not asked to give blessings, because of my unworthiness.

To be clear, on an intellectual level, I believe that if you are honest with your priesthood leader and he still allows you do take the sacrament, use the priesthood, attend the temple, then you can and should do those things -- even if you feel less than worthy -- because your Bishop has the keys permitting the use of the priesthood in all of those instances, and its his call.

Plus, lots of us have overactive senses of guilt and if we listened to all the voices in our heads, we would likely move from godly sorrow to debilitating shame, which is not a helpful move. It's the bishop's call, not mine. This is not moral escapism, it is just recognition of God's house of order. Of course this reasoning only works if I have been truly honest with my bishop, my "Judge in Israel," so that he could make the right call.

STILL, I admit that, in the past, when I have given blessings -- even with the permission of my bishop -- if I have not been particularly clean lately -- I am less than excited to do it. I don't like doing it. I often try to find some excuse to not do it.

I just wanted to share that, since I have been on this site (for the last four or five days), I have spent time reading blog entries and comments, I have marked good music stations into my internet favorites at work (as suggested by Beclean), I have started reading the scriptures again daily and praying. I have felt the companionship of the spirit. And I have attacked temptations early with a barrage of uplifting input (including the blogs on this site). The temptations aren't gone completely and I know that the true withdrawal period for me is about 2-6 weeks in to abstinence. But I am so happy that I have been doing much better, and I have been feeling much better.

This morning, my daughter had a fever of about 104 degrees. She was very lethargic and pale. I was worried about her.

I knew that I was allowed to give her a blessing, but (more significantly for me) for the first time in a long time, I actually felt good about giving a blessing.

I was able to lay my hands on my daughter's head and invoke the authority of the Melchezidek priesthood and the name of Jesus Christ without feeling like a fake or a hypocrite, instead feeling that I knew within myself that I was striving to follow Christ and that my blessing would be heard. I was able to bless my daughter with confidence and faith that I have not had for a long time in a blessing.

I thank God for Christ's atonement that allows imperfect people to choose, every day, to change -- to forsake sins that they have been committing and to choose to become new through Christ.

There is no feeling better than the companionship of the Spirit.
There is no earthly reward as valuable as self respect.
There is no confidence like knowing that you are clean before God.

I want to remember this feeling.


What a blessing!    
"Although I am female, reading this really lifted me. I am so happy that you felt worthy enough to give your daughter a blessing. Not that you weren't worthy, but that you believed in yourself and felt good about it. What a sweet day for you!

I serve as Primary president, and you talk about not feeling worthy to serve. I feel so unworthy to serve anywhere, but especially around the precious children. There's a big part of me that would feel relieved if he released me. It would make it easier for me to not feel like such a hypocrite. Imagine trying to teach these children right from wrong while knowing what goes on when you are in private. And my private is very private because I have no husband and no children. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

I look forward to the day when I can serve without feeling so unworthy, but I have got to get myself worthy first. Even though I have the desire to change, the mighty change of heart obviously has not taken place. Keep up the good work!"
posted at 17:41:20 on December 17, 2011 by want2change
"Thank you for sharing this experience, DH. I am so glad you could bless your daughter. I hope she is doing well.

Want2Change, that mighty change of heart takes a long time for most of us. I think a major purpose of our lives is to teach the natural man/woman (the body we've been given) to be subject to the spirit. Our Spirits were valiant before we came here, and now they are struggling against the body. Feed the Spirit! Fill it with good things--good acts, good music, good books, prayer, scripture study, and the temple. Eventually, and over the course of your life, the change in heart will truly come, and your Spirit will be in complete control of your body--even if only after the resurrection."
posted at 18:10:05 on December 17, 2011 by beclean

Add a Comment:

***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"Strength comes from uplifting music, good books, and feasting from the scriptures. Since the Book of Mormon was to come forth “when there shall be great pollutions upon the face of the earth” (Morm. 8:31), study of that book in particular will fortify us."

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988