I will never call
By Ymir
12/2/2011 6:36:15 PM
Few of my friends know what I am going through, and some asked me to call when I feel the urge to do it. But, sadly, I will never do it. They have demonstrated in the past that they don't know how to deal with what I am going through. Blaming me for being weak, or not wanting to be a 'man.' Because 'all men do it,' and it's 'just part of being human.' Well, they don't understand that I don't want to do it, and I hate myself for doing it. Every time I think of how many times I have done it, I hate myself just a little bit more. Don't care of the scars on my body, and the scars I have mentally. Wish I could tear myself apart and just let the beast out for good. But I can't. I have to maintain civility.

I am trying to be a gentleman, and I apologize for swearing on my first post. I don't swear a lot, only when I need to. I lie a lot too. Especially to the people who are closest to me. Mother, brothers, etc.

Even though people say they are there to support me, I don't know of a single on that I can honestly talk to that will take my side and help me through it. Help me /not/ to do it. Know that I don't want to, and try to figure out alternatives to what I can do when I feel the urge.

I won't call. I won't ask for help. But sometimes, maybe sometimes, telling me that I am not alone may help. Call me selfish.


It is hard to talk to someone...    
"But what I have found is that finding someone who doesn't know my past to talk to is helpful. I don't talk to my closest friends. I feel like it is much harder to approach those people close to you. And it is hard for them to give you objective advice. So I turn to people in these sort of support groups and one close friend that I just met a few months ago (who happens to struggle with similar things). It is important that you realize you are not alone.

You really aren't. For one, you have us on this site. We help each other. I hope you know that if you ever need anything that you can turn to me. Someone to talk to, someone to vent to, anything.

We all have our weaknesses but that doesn't make us weak people. You are strong. Stay strong."
posted at 01:47:48 on December 3, 2011 by iamstrong
I agree with Iamstrong    
"We all have our weaknesses but that doesn't make us weak people. You are strong. Stay strong."

You're not alone, and it's not selfish to ask for that to be reaffirmed. I know you posted in your intro that you don't believe in a higher being, but during that year that you were doing good, I know you've felt His love.

You've felt it at church and in our home, it's hard not to. "
posted at 19:34:27 on December 3, 2011 by toes_23

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"In a decaying environment, the mind is the last redoubt of righteousness, and it must be preserved even amid bombardment by evil stimuli. Christ is competent to see us through, “for in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted” As promised, He will make either “a way to escape” or a way “to bear it”."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987