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The new Family Services "FAMILY SUPPORT GUIDE"
By 3R's
12/2/2011 12:13:48 PM
I have not blogged for about a month now. I have been wondering why there are no recent entries in the CODEPENDENCY category. Our new Family Support Guied 12 step program and the 12 step group meetings are very well attended. Both for women only and for couples. At the same time I noticed that the Sex/Porn/Lust category has over 1,059 entries and many of them are from spouses, mom's and girlfriends.

What do you think about this? I am an Elder in the P.A.S.A.G. (pornography and Sex Addiction Group) and several of my brethren express a whole lot of anxiety when it comes to step 5 of confessing to their loved ones or parents or even their Bishop out of fear of being ostracized and labeled as a "freak".

Some questions to consider (and I will not pretend to be an expert or have the answer).
1. When a spouse or parent or another loved one comments or gives counsel in this SA category, is there a hint of Co-Dependency or Rescuing going on?

2. How about wanting to FIX THING AND MAKE EVERYTHING ALL BETTER?

What do you think?

Comments:

Answering your questions...    
"No, and NO"
posted at 13:10:57 on December 2, 2011 by Anonymous
not sure    
"I actually didn’t know where my blogs were being categorized…I just pushed the blog button (most of mine are in general addiction category, if that is the default). I don’t believe I have ever tried to rescue or fix an addict on this website (besides my husband :)…encourage yes. I might just be using this site wrong, but for me its bros and sistas fighting battles and adding encouragement. If its dialog between loved one and addict…its been nice for me to hear both sides, and get ideas from each other on how to support the “loved one” they love, or the “addict” that they love. My husband and I have had some pretty intense counseling together…one of the exercises was getting paired up with a different couple…my husband went with another addict’s wife, and I went with her addict husband. I was very very helpful. Getting all the same information from the other side of the problem, but without the emotion. It reminded me of this site.
All that being said…I am a co-dependent. I was in remission. Thought I was better…so might my response be laced with codependency?…I really don’t think it is, but I’m trying to reevaluate myself and be self aware. My husband relapsed…and I can’t believe it, but I did too. Last night I realized wow blasted similar addict and codependent are. Triggers, relapses, disappointment in ourselves and others, ect...
So maybe I’m using this site wrong…dunno. But I know there have been times where I have been “called” out by an addict for some feedback from the other side. I have also asked specifically for an addict’s help, to try to understand the addict side better. The counsel I have received from both addicts and loved ones…have been so so helpful. Even though I don’t always agree with the counsel…I take what works for my situation and just leave the rest. Something just struck me funny…do you think we have some addicts co-dependenting the co-dependants? "
posted at 17:24:23 on December 2, 2011 by summer
My drug of choice.    
"Thank you Summer. I am in recovery from porn/SA/Lust/ and was well on my way to drugs and alcohol. As I have gone thru the gammet of the lusts of the flesh and pleasure seeking and escape, the most difficult character weakness that I have is this Co-dependent lifestyle. The substance and porn temptations are still there but, thanks to the Atoneing Grace of Jesus Christ, they have no pull on me and I seek daily to retain a remission of my sins.

You explanation as to how this site is helpful can be repeated a thousand times. All of the categories listed on the left side of this forum could probably be lumped into just one. The gambler, the porn, the durgs, the alcohol all pretty much have the same effect. So I applaud you and your insight and I say welcome. I recently had a major relapse of co-dependency and rescuing and it blew up in my face. I lost sleep over it, I asked the Lord to intervene. The truth is, the Lord will not take away someone's free agency.

I have been in recovery for several years. Recently, with that last episode of codeps I felt that perhaps my 12th step work needed to have an evaluation. So I began attending the Codependency Support Group with LDSAR. This program is making a difference in everything I do. I feel that my motives are more pure and that any feelings of rescuing someone who is about to fall is now tempered with greater love and understanding without crossing the codep boundaries. I can now recognize codep situations before I jump in head first.

So, thanks for your insight and giving me a little better perspective. This is a safe place and I sometimes wish that our quorums, and relief society meetings could be this honest.

Have a joyful Christmas."
posted at 22:45:40 on December 2, 2011 by 3R's


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"You lived with your Heavenly Father in a premortal life. You were there with Him. Your spirit knows what it is like to live in celestial realms. You can never be truly happy in an uncelestial environment. You know too much. That is one of the reasons that for you, wickedness never can be happiness. What a great thing it is to decide once and for all early in life what you will do and what you will not do with regards to honesty, modesty, chastity, the Word of Wisdom, and temple marriage. "

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