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I can do hard things
By anon16
12/1/2011 1:28:56 PM
First, I screwed up today. Back to day 1. My bishop is on vacation and I can't report to him.

I have a new, more positive attitude today though. Instead of wallowing in the fact that I'm not perfect, and how bad I am, etc etc etc, I am going to focus on what I can do now and how I can do better.

I am giving up my various vices. I am going to make a lot more effort on the other areas of my life, and not focusing just on masturbation. I'm not going to white knuckle it, like I was. I screwed up today because there was nothing else that I could do to make me "feel good." I needed something like that.

And it did. The funny thing is though, that after messing up this time, I'm not focusing on controlling myself so I don't go and do it again. I'm not focusing on how bad I am. Do I feel remorse? Of course. But I'm working at not beating myself up.

I made a conscious choice. I could have stopped myself. I don't feel a lot of regret over it though, more that I have the knowledge that I WILL do better next time.

I'm giving up pornography, in any form. I'm giving up my music, and choosing more carefully what I listen to. I'm giving up swearing. I'm giving up causing myself pain, in any form. I'm giving up dwelling on bad thoughts.

That is what it's going to take. I wasn't willing before. I didn't want to give it up, I didn't want to loose the support of my Bishop, etc etc etc.

I'm going to be more careful then I was, both media and thoughts. What I've realized though, is I need something to replace it. These vices need to be replaced with good. If I replace these with something better, then I'll succeed. If I don't, I will just keep coming back to this.

I'm growing though. This time, I didn't think about when I was going to mb next. The desire was mostly gone, because of my decrease in suggestive materials. I can do this. I can do hard things.

Comments:

You are really progressing!    
"I love hearing about your progress. Thank you for including me on your journey. You are amazing and you most definitely can do hard things!"
posted at 15:05:02 on December 1, 2011 by iamstrong
Good for you!    
"Thanks for sharing. I have read all your blogs, and I feel the same as you do. I have the same problem, but unlike you, I don't have a bishop to go to. My friends have told me to call them when I am in need, but I never will. I am more alone than ever when I feel the urge. But I'm glad that you are making progress. Keep on rocking the free world!
I will try to read your blogs as you post them and if you ever need help, let me know. I am here for you. Yes, this is only because you are the first person to write on my own blog, but if I can help, please let me know how.
Y"
posted at 18:27:59 on December 2, 2011 by Ymir


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"My spiritual prescription includes six choices which I shall list alphabetically, A through F:
  • Choose to Be Alive
  • Choose to Believe
  • Choose to Change
  • Choose to Be Different
  • Choose to Exercise
  • Choose to Be Free "

    — Russell M. Nelson

    General Conference, October 1988