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Journal Entries
By iamstrong
11/3/2011 10:37:57 PM
I was on Step 4, Truth, from the Addiction Recovery Manual and it said something about writing in your journal during your recovery period so that you can see your progress. I have been doing this. I don't write too much or too often. But when I have strong feelings or experiences, I write it down. I decided to share excerpts or even full entries on here. It helps me when I share it and I think it can really help others...

My journal is organized by the number of days in sobriety. There are a dozen of Day 0's. At first these discouraged me but my most recent page is 69. Everytime I write in my journal now I feel so strong. I know that the Lord has strengthened me. My confidence has waxed strong. I mean fear and low self esteem will weigh down on my soul from time to time, but then I look up. It has been 6 years of fighting this addiction. It has been 9 years since I was first introduced to it. And now it ends.

This is the latest "Day 1" entry....

I feel so weak. I keep slipping and it gets worse and worse. I am falling deeper into this. Everyday I wake up thinking today is the day. And then I am afraid. Afraid that I can't do it. I'm weak. I'm hopeless. I'm not good enough. I will never be free. And so then I'll slip. I'll give in. But NOW it really does end. Today, I wrote the words "I AM STRONG" on my right hand. I was tempted several times today but as I went to masturbate or look up porn I saw it on my hand. Having it in writing kind of changed things. Every time I saw it, I thought of God. He thinks I'm strong. He knows I'm strong. After all, I'm His daughter. So today was Day 1. Today I'm clean. I'm gonna rewrite it tomorrow. I'll do it as long as it takes for me to look at my hand and not need the writing to be there. Because this battle is over. God is on my side. We will win.

Comments:

the longest any of us has sobriety is 24 hours....    
"24 hours. one day.. thats it.. Each day brings new struggles, new opportunities to be strong.

Our goal is to string together lots of 1day of sobriety.

You went 69 days! I bet you were extra spiritual in those 69 days. Get up, smile, dust off and keep going.

I was feeling sorry for myself a few days ago and how weak I am and how easy I fall to simple sins. In a lot of ways every human being is addicted to sinning. We lie, We are mean, We withold affection from spouses and friends, we dont obey, we hurt peoples feelings. the list goes on and on.

We arent on earth to be perfect. We are here to learn to keep trying and to repent often and forgive often. There is a great book I read called "Beleiving Christ" . To summarize the book, a lot of church members get bogged down because they feel like they have to be near perfect to be acceptable to Christ. In reality, that kind of thinking is dangerous becuase it shows our dis-belief in Christ. When we beleive Christ, then we beleive that we are saved by his grace and that he will cover for us when we goof up. We arent expected to be perfect. We are expected to work on it.

my 2 cents"
posted at 10:08:53 on November 4, 2011 by Hurtallover
You are strong.    
"I've wanted to respond to this for several days but was unsure of what to write. I really like this post. Believing in yourself and in God's ability to strengthen you is powerful. Too often, especially lately, I have been beating myself up because of my weaknesses. In fact, the first line of my journal entry tonight starts off with "I am pathetic." I got two paragraphs into tearing myself down before I was remninded of this post.

Addiction is difficult. But God is strong and we are His children. We are stronger than we think. And when that is not enough, our Heavenly Father is there to do what we cannot.

Thank you IAMSTRONG, for sharing your strength."
posted at 19:58:00 on November 10, 2011 by paul
Thank you    
"This post was very encouraging to me. I feel like that a lot, especially when I have an issue, or soon after. I've only been able to go 32 days, if I remember correctly(its been a while), and that really discourages me. It's really hard. I don't think I ever realized how hard it would be, because it is so easy to give in. But it isn't right, and it doesn't help in the long run - just makes it worse. But it's not something you think about then.

Thank you for your words. They helped."
posted at 15:37:06 on November 11, 2011 by anon16


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