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Feel so hopeless
By cwatts18
10/25/2011 1:21:45 PM
I am not only an alcoholic and drug addict in which i have been sober for five months but my main addiction is the sexual one. Today is my 18th birthday and i swore i wasnt going to do anything today but i did. My main addiction is a strange one. I really need to know i am not alone so if you have gone through this please let me know. i struggle horribly with 800 numbers phone sex. my stupid house phone patched right through and i can do it anytime i finally cancelled my parents card or asked them to do so. i feel like my addiction is destroying my life and i want help i just feel so alone so cheep and so dirty. my family still wants to celebrate my birthday today but all i want to do is kill myself. God or someone please help im on the brink of just giving in i cant live life this way anymore. I will kill myself if i cant overcome my addiction.

Comments:

Don't take the easy way out.    
"You can do hard things. Life is hard. I'm here to help whenever you need me. There are so many people that would be in pain at your loss. The world needs you. You were put here for a purpose. Don't give up."
posted at 17:41:07 on October 25, 2011 by iamstrong
Do Not throw in the towel!!    
"Cwatt, yes, this addiction is a beast. Yes, you have issues. But never throw in the towel. Just coming on this site and admitting that your life is a mess with addiction and that you need help is a HUGE STEP. (in fact, we addicts know that it is the FIRST step). I am a total addict. I acted out today. I feel like a creep. But you know what? I am going to go home today and make a solid plan. I am going to seek the help that I need. I have added power just saying that to you!

Getting rid of that stupid phone is a excellent move. Get all the help you can. I am not the one to tell you. There are some solid people on this site who give great advice. It sounds like you are in deep, which means that getting some real help will be the way to go. Talk to your bishop if you haven't. I have confessed to so many bishops. I hated doing it when I was in YM but now I am so relieved to do so. I am 26 now and still struggle (mostly because I am not doing what it takes) but I have so much postivity and hope!

You are not cheap and dirty either. You have a spirit that is a son of God. You are of infinite potential. Why do you think Satan wants to destroy you?? He is SCARED of you! Your spirit is encased inside a body that can be really corrupted. Your brain, your chemicals almost seem to act against you. But you are no animal!! Animals act on instinct. Male animals go for females. But we have brains. You aren't in addict mode 24/7. Make decisions of what you want to do when you do think straight. Be humble enough to accept the help. Just breath. Just pray to God. Trust in good friends. I wish I could do more for you. I will do anything that you ask. I think this addiction sucks. I used to pray God would destroy me, but HE wont because beating this addiction will teach you the gospel. You will learn the atonement. You will learn repentance!!"
posted at 18:50:28 on October 25, 2011 by warrior
cwatts18    
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Let me put things in perspective for you. This 800 number addiction is not even close to the worst addiction I've seen. You can recover from it...One hundred percent! I am a recovering drug addict, alcoholic, sex addict. I've been completely clean for over 10 years. I've been where you are at and I can't tell you how important it is to not give up before the miracle happens. Get this idea of suicide completely out of your mind. Give yourself one year and then you can revisit the idea if you want. In the next year, do what you have been avoiding this whole time. Work a program of recovery. I mean, a THOROUGH program. This means getting a sponsor and working the 12 Steps. If you do this, I am confident that you will have your miracle before the year is up. It just takes WILLINGNESS from you. If you are not willing right now, pray for the willingness to do what you don't want to do. Everyone I know that has worked the 12 Steps-whether it is for alcohol or drugs or sex, has experienced the miraculous change of heart in which the desire and obsession to indulge in their addiction has been lifted. That is the miracle. We don't have to bite our nails and pull out our hair in white-knuckled frustration to try and stay clean. Instead we get a gift. The gift is that we no longer desire those things. Isn't that what every addict wants the most?

Don't give up. Choose to fight."
posted at 09:08:27 on October 26, 2011 by Anonymous
Give it a try.    
"Alma 32 talks about planting a seed. That was my conversion chapter. That was my "Burning in the Bosom" chapter. The LDS AR and SA can help you prepare your soil so that the seed which you have already planted has every chance of taking root and springing up into a tree that is likened to the Tree of Life.

After you have some sobriety under your belt you will begin to see these poor souls that you have been talking to in a whole new light. NOT THAT YOU SHOULD CALL THEM AND PREACH TO THEM But you will discover that the Savior's love covers a multitude of sins."
posted at 18:52:00 on October 26, 2011 by 3R's
I know....    
".......the feeling your sick of yourself and your addiction I've felt that, but don't quit that's the worse thing you can do the devil smiles when we quit he probably thinks were weak but what we need to do is get up and fight....fight for you right to happy and stop whatever your doing that's preventing that! i know its hard trust me I've thought about killing myself but i realized that it wouldn't really solve anything...just keep going pray to god he will help you and i'll pray for you good luck and keep fighting :)!"
posted at 19:28:34 on October 27, 2011 by Teddy
You are definitely not alone in your struggle    
"cwatts18: Can I offer a little perspective? It is estimated that about 70 percent of US men under age 35 regularly look at porn. More than one expert has said that that number is probably about the same within the LDS Church. What this means is that possibly 70 percent of a typical elders quorum has a huge problem that they're not talking about with pretty much anyone. They are suffering in silence. They repeatedly try to top--but can't. They keep going back. They can't get help because they won't talk to anyone about it. They are frightened and miserable.

For you then, first of all, you are not alone in having a problem with sexual compulsion. A strong majority of the men in the Church are struggling right along with you. You are very different in one important way, however, and that's that you're actively looking for help. You're reaching out to other guys who know a thing or two about addiction, about acting out, sobriety and recovery. That's the important thing. They know that recovery is possible and that it's a fabulous place to be.

Here's my advice: surround yourself with as many recovering addicts as you can find either in local meetings of SA or on the internet. These are the guys who know what you're going through and can teach you the tools you need to overcome the compulsive behavior and get at the hurt that's deep down inside you and making you want to self-medicate.

Also, if you can, talk to your parents about getting checked out for depression. That's a huge factor in addictive behavior that's often overlooked. We're so busy trying to pray our way out of this that we sometimes don't recognize that the problem is a broken brain not a broken spirit.

You can email me at rowboat (at) rowboatandmarbles (dot) org and I can talk to you some more about why you do the things you do even when you don't really want to. Addiction is a crazy thing, but it can be overcome. I know a lot of guys who have done it.They are great men. I want to be like them.

If you get a chance, take a look at the website www.RowboatAndMarbles.org. It's got some helpful stuff for LDS men who are trying to understand addiction and recovery. If you're parents are aware of your situation, you might also let them know about it.

I hope to hear from you.

Rowboat"
posted at 02:16:39 on October 29, 2011 by rowboat


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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004