Help with Step 4
I am 15 years old. Naturally, I am rather inexperienced with the 12 step program. My bishop said he doesn't think I am at the point where I need to attend meetings at my young age. I used to do the workbook with my parents, go through the questions and talk out the answers, but I would usually end up really stressed out and nervous. I tried doing it alone, and I was able to cope better. My parents still want me to check in with them when I finish a step.
The problem is that now I feel all alone. I know my parents still love and support me, but I just feel like.... I am a new adult, living alone for the first time wishing I still had my parents to lean on. I feel overwhelmed. I am stumped on step four. I feel overwhelmed. When I addressed my parents about it, they were both busy and I didn't want to disturb them. I promised my journal last night (yes, I treat my Journal like a person) that I would talk with them about it tonight. Since they are busy, I got the idea to come to you guys. Those of you who have done step four, will you please explain it to me? teach me how to do it? Thank you!
SeminaryKid
p.s. my parents are not bad people who don't have time to help their son through the repentance process, I just know that working on it tonight would stress them out. And procrastination just makes things worse. So here goes.
Thanks again!
Comments:
Here's how I did the 4th step in the SAA 12 step program
"I'll tell you how my SAA sponser took me through the 4th step. You can take or leave the parts that work for you. SAA is slightly different than the chruch program but its still titled
"Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
First I created 3 lists.
List 1
All the people or instituions or things that I hold resentments toward.
For each item , I wrote a 1 sentence description. I then describe if it affects my ambitions, security, relationships, self esteem. I then determine where Im wrong to hold the resentment -- selfish? Self seeking? dishonest, fear.
This list takes a long time. the longer you spend on it, the more things to can takle. Its kinda of a refreshing approach to "cleaning out the attic of resentments"
in my list, I had my mother, my father, some friends, people I acted out with, websites that i used, the church, etc..
The next list was a list of my fears. I realized that half of my fears were related to being abandoned. wife leaving me, church members ostracising me etc.. Naming your fears is how you beat them.
the 3rd list was a list of all the ways that I acted out.
porn alone. porn with others.. whatever
For each way, I determined if I was being selfish or dishonest, Who did I hurt?, Did I arouse feelings of jeaously or suspicion or bitterness, what should I have done instead?
Eventually, in future steps you will work on these and your resentments.
Hope this helps. It has helped me to label and "own" my fears and resentments. All those things build up like crud on engine parts. labeling them is like getting out the degreaser.. then with a little work, everything is shiny again.
This may be a harder list to do with your parents since you may have some resentments towards them
good luck!"
Thanks!!!
"That really helps! I have discussed with my bishop that in order to so these steps, I need them to be broken down into simple, take action steps. That is exactly what you did. Thanks again. I will do this."
another option
"Seminarykid, I work with a therapist named Maurice Harker who is up in the Farmington area. I don't know where you live. His group session are focused on teenagers. It is called the Sons of Helaman. I don't know if you are in Utah or even near there but it would be well worth it. They turn teenagers into warriors. I never did it growing up but I really wish I would have. You have to get 12 weeks solid to graduate. The accountability is amazing. Look it up online and talk to your parents.
Good for you on getting this mastered now!! I can guarantee that MANY guys on this site would long to go back to age 15 and retrain their brains. You will be a mighty warrior by the time you go on the mission! Keep it up! Day at a time! Be nice to the ladies!!"
posted at 13:17:57 on October 5, 2011 by warrior
Try starting with a first step inventory
"I did my first step inventory before moving on to the fourth step inventory. The difference between the two inventories is that the first step inventory is an account of all of your experiences with your addiction that you can remember whereas the fourth step is a moral inventory. Some people call the first step inventory a sexual history. It would basically be the third list that HURTALLOVER mentioned. Ideally, you share a first step inventory with a group of addicts that you can trust. The Sons of Helaman program would probably be an ideal place to share this inventory. After making a history of your addiction, I would then go over steps two and three, and then move on to doing the fourth step inventory. I heard the fourth step inventory described as a history of every bad action, emotion, resentment, and attitude you can remember. I made my inventory as a narrative history of my life, but making it like a list is fine as well. If you need more help on writing your inventory, it might not hurt to click on this link to SA white book and read from page 105 to 110. Here's the link - < http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/eBooks/White%20Book.pdf >" posted at 16:53:48 on October 5, 2011 by ETTE
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