By momof5
9/21/2011 3:36:58 PM
I guess my question is can a man be addicted to pornography for 10 years plus in secret, and really never go past that?
I mean no sex chatting or web cam or interaction with a live person or child P?
Or having and affair with an actual person?
Is it really possible a man can be addicted that long and not go further than just porn?

Please someone tell me it is possible that my husband might be telling me the whole truth? And can anyone tell me how will I know if he has fully disclosed everything so that he can move forward and our relationship can start over with all honesty on the table! And yes I do want both sides to answer please and by the way I am so thankful for this blog. And yes I have prayed to know that the truth is out but I have a feeling every once in a while that there is more but could that be satan?


"It is absolutely possible. In fact, I would say that most porn addicts haven't crossed those lines."
posted at 17:14:04 on September 21, 2011 by Anonymous
Yes it is possible    
"Yes, it is possible. In the situation with my husband that was not the case because it did go farther and farther, but I believe that it is possible and even common for a person to only have a porn addiction without those other things that you mentioned. I knew in my heart that there was more and there was. But I still feel like there is 'more' he hasn't told me and he swears and swears that I know everything now. I understand how you feel."
posted at 17:20:06 on September 21, 2011 by maddy
"You are describing me... you may read my story."
posted at 17:54:34 on September 21, 2011 by cactus
"In recovery since October 09. Never crossed the line. Just porn and mb.....35 years worth, and married for 25 before I told my wife. She was totally blind-sided and went through the anger, hurt, frustration, depression that all sisters report. With some help, we were able to start recovery and have a relationship that is stronger than it was before my disclosure. It was not easy....I thought she was going to leave. For a LONG time, we battled daily with the hurt I had caused. You are in a win-able battle for your family momof5. Don't give up!!"
posted at 19:09:03 on September 21, 2011 by chefdalet
It is possible    
"I am not sure where the first anon got his info that most addicts do not cross the line. I am not sure you could really get an accurate stat on that one.

When trust is broken, it is difficult to know if he is being honest. Remember, as he works on his repentance process, he will begin to understand how important full disclosure is. Right now, he may not be ready to say it, and you may not be ready to hear it. Give him time on disclosure if you can.
Take a look at his actions. If he is doing everything possible, such as daily 12 step work, prayer, scriptures, serving you and others, I would believe him at his word. If he is open and honest, you will see great remorse in his eyes. He will begin to shed the tears of repentance. He will apologize daily and do everything possible to show you that he is truly saddened by the pain his actions have caused. If it is still all about him and you feel like something is off, trust your instincts. Usually the spouse will feel the truth first and then start to doubt. I would be cautious and remember your boundaries to stay safe."
posted at 23:51:18 on September 21, 2011 by Anonymous
Anything is possible...    
"Some porn addicts never move on to anything worse than porn, but I would actually say that they are the exception rather than the rule. There are a lot of factors that come into play though.

Here is the story of how this addiction ravaged my life (this story might be a little too disturbing for some readers - proceed at your own risk) :

My porn addiction is definitely on the more severe end of the spectrum. Before I started looking at porn, I was usually masturbating two to three times each day. When I got older and got into porn, I spent about three to four hours a day looking at it. All of this happened before I started crossing other lines.

For me, the line crossing started with going to a strip club and paying for favors there. Then it progressed further into doing sexual things with my girlfriend. I really hit rock bottom when I hired someone for a massage and ended up getting much more than that. I never got into child porn, but I did cross the gender line and started looking at gay porn. As a side note - If I were to meet a recovering addict who had looked at child porn, I don't think I would treat him differently than anyone else at group, but that would mostly depend on his commitment and seriousness about recovery.

So to answer your question about your husband, I will simply say that most of the married men in my group who have been trying to recover from porn addiction have delved way deeper than routine porn. It is very common to hear talk of strip clubs, prostitutes, web cams, random sexual encounters with people met online, etc...

All that being said, there are also plenty of men who have never done anything more than pornography, but most of these men had addictions on the more mild side of the spectrum. By this I mean that they might look at porn for thirty minutes or so every couple months.

I guess the point I'm getting at is that some addicts have it worse than others, but usually only God and the addict know how bad the addiction truly is and how many lines have been crossed. The more important question about your husband is how honest is this man?

Recovery does not depend on how mild or severe the addiction is, it really depends on how honest the addict is."
posted at 01:50:36 on September 22, 2011 by ETTE
Yes here too    
"100% possible"
posted at 10:36:38 on September 22, 2011 by ruggaexpat

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"Brothers and sisters, let's sell that summer cottage in Babylon. Let us be not "almost" but "altogether" Latter-day Saints. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006