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Hello my dear friends, I fail again today
By mike81
8/24/2011 12:37:02 PM
Hello my dear friends,


Greetings from Switzerland, I wanted to share with you my slip today, but beyond that I wanted to share some of the cause why when I Was a child I turn to pornography and masturbation, it is very personal but it will help me to recover from that as well.

I will give you a little background of my situation

I started a recovery program 4 months ago with 12-step, study, bishop weekly meeting and daily activities. I just turned 30 years old and I had the love of my life running away from me as soon as I did disclosed my addiction because i respected her much.
And I learned yesterday that I have to recover from that as well. some part of the blog is a copy of an email from myself to my therapist and sponsor.
Sometime I still indulge false idea and dream, I feel weak but is is the reality

"I wanted to share with you some of my journaling, I did fail again today by viewing pornography and masturbation, after I went back from work, I did not my reading this morning and I was not able to give a call to my support people when the urge came, but its okay, I had my laptop today and normally I don't have a laptop at home in order to avoid temptation.

I know I have to learn from my mistake, and yesterday I was able to remember one things I never thaught since the last 15-20 years, somethings not related to addiction but It might be one of the big cause of why I did indulge pornography,
When I was young I had a difficult relationship with my parents especially my father, I Was the oldest kids and a bad example, I was very bad at school and I had to escape but the most reason is that when I was a kids since 6-7 I had a physical disorder called incontinence urinary but I had this until I was 13-14 and this was somethings very deep I never wrote anythings about that until today, I had a lot of shame, and I never talked about that.

I wanted to share that with you.

I'm still doing fine and working on my step and trying to surrender more to go, but it is not easy and I need to clear up my mind with all the false idea about god and my savior."

Thanks for your help

Comments:

dear mike    
"I can only imagine how hard it must be to see someone you love running away from you and not being able to be by your side and help you. I admit that i always wonder, hope and pray that on the day i find myself someone i would think about marriage and disclosure my issue, that he might be understanding and not judgemental about it. And that he might accept me dispite the issues i'm dealing with, that he might be willing to help.
And i kinda understand what made you took this path, through what you've said. The feeling of not being "good enough" is always very hard to deal with and i deal with that myself a lot. And i was actally thinking about it today and might write something about it later.
Try to be positive! I don't judge you (if it is helpful somehow) and Heavenly Father love us, even with all our faults.
Don't let the problems we face put you down."
posted at 14:31:23 on August 24, 2011 by YURI
Stumbled, not failed    
"I like to think of slip ups as a stumble. To say you have failed suggests you only had one chance and you blew it. The Savior is still standing with his arms outstretched, and stumbling on your journey is necessary for some of us. Keep it up, the Lord loves you. He will love you the same no matter how many times you stumble."
posted at 14:49:31 on August 24, 2011 by Braingeek
postive    
"Thank you for your encouragement and yes I'm very optimistic and as my sponsor told me, your best days will come but it require a lot of time and willingness.

I must trust my savior and be much more humble."
posted at 14:59:28 on August 24, 2011 by mike81


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"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990