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New here, please help
By ddg
8/22/2011 10:09:27 PM
I am an old bachelor, male, never married, and rebaptized into the Church several years ago. I am an addict and my drug of choice is masturbation (no porn, but it scares me that I have been tempted). This and other problems, (like PTSD, anger and depression, etc.) have kept me from regaining my priesthood and blessings. I have a calling in the ward, have sung in ward and stake choirs, I do service projects, and until recently, read the scriptures six days a week. I pray twice a day in meaningful prayer. I'm very kind to people and animals. I love the Lord and my life is filled with inspiration. I do what home teaching I can and I've helped a lot of people gain a better (eternal) perspective. I've gone six months and 4+ months at a time without even an urge to mb, but then some painful memory or anxiety will hit me out of the blue, and I medicate myself with self stimulation, and I can't seem to say "no" at these times. And to be completely honest, one of those times, after months of being clean and feeling so much better about myself and life, I didn't even feel the temptation to sin, but did so anyway. Huh? What's the matter with me. I tried meetings and therapy, but they actually made me worse. But I am anxious to try the twelve step program and meet with the bishop weekly, and to read/post here daily for purposes of accountability, and I feel confident that this will work. I hope to be like those people who listened to King Benjamin, when they said that they had "lost all disposition to do evil, and had only the disposition to do good."

Any positive comments/support will be greatly appreciated, because I am helpless by myself. And to whomever thought of and provided this website, thank you.

Comments:

You are on the right track!!!    
"Welcome. It sounds like Heavenly Father is aiming you in the right direction. The ARP program is what helped me to finally get clean. I think you will love it!"
posted at 22:23:10 on August 22, 2011 by Anonymous
Welcome    
"This is a great group. You will get many insights and gain valuable friends as you continue your recovery."
posted at 23:02:10 on August 22, 2011 by chefdalet
Thanks    
"Thank you for your support. It's good to hear from others who are struggling or who have recovered and who know what works. I will continue to post more about myself, my struggles, and hopefully, my successes. And I hope to help others to understand themselves and not loathe themselves, because that's the adversary's favorite tool for an addict, is to create self-loathing so that we forget our royal lineage and our eternal potential. I worry when I read some blogs that some of these people hate themselves. Don't loathe yourself. Do you forgive others? Then forgive yourself."
posted at 14:24:15 on August 23, 2011 by ddg
You are unable to get priesthood blessings restored because of MB addiction?    
"I guess that seems really harsh to me. Is there more to why you are getting rejected to blessing restoration? It was my understanding that the new guidance is that mb and porn addiction is to be handled at the ward level. I'm surprised that would keep you from receiving blessings restored. Is there more to the story?

My perspective is that addiction is an emotional disorder. You have to fix the underlying issues -- then you can fix the anger, addiction, etc issues.

take care of yourself. "
posted at 16:05:04 on August 23, 2011 by Anonymous
cause of addiction    
"We can be sober for weeks, months, years and still relapse, even if we don't have the desire, but still do it as you say. I know I have. going to meetings is good. Going to therapy is good, but be careful. seeing your bishop is good. None of these will make you overcome. There is an underlying cause for the addiction, so if we just stop, we'll return again inevitably, or switch addictions. Only doing the steps, which are the 12 steps of coming to Christ. From the LDS Family Service's Addiction Recovery Manual:

As you do your [step 4] inventory, look beyond your past
behaviors and examine the thoughts, feelings, and
beliefs that led to your behavior. Your thoughts, feelings,
and beliefs are actually the roots of your addictive
behaviors. Unless you examine all your tendencies
toward fear, pride, resentment, anger, self-will, and
self-pity, your abstinence will be shaky at best. You
will continue with your original addiction or switch
to another one. Your addiction is a symptom of other
“causes and conditions” (Alcoholics Anonymous
[2001], 64)."
posted at 16:49:14 on August 23, 2011 by lawrence
Anonymous and Lawrence, you are absolutely right    
"and in fact, I hinted at what you said when I posted "This and other problems, (like PTSD, anger and depression, etc.) have kept me from regaining my priesthood and blessings." Then , a sentence or two later, I said how "some painful memory or anxiety will hit me" and I will have the craving suddenly, etc. But to be technically correct, restoration of blessings and priesthood requires a member of the First Presidency to review your letter, then he assigns it (usually) to another General Authority, who interviews you, and that General Authority decides (by inspiration) right then, and will tell you "yes" or "no" at that interview as to whether your priesthood and blessings are restored, with no ceremony.

I sent my letter to the First Presidency (at a time when I had been clean for about four months, which was longer than the time designated as necessary by my Stake President and Bishop). They waited about 10 weeks (it's usually about two weeks) before sending a reply instructing me to wait another year. That was just about exactly one year ago.

But I do have some other issues which can only be handled at a General Authority level. These have nothing to do with sex, word of wisdom, or any wrongdoing by me, just my PTSD and related anger issues. There are things that I have seen that I can't talk about. I wish that I could get rid of these root causes, and the hyperskepticism that I find necessary to defend myself so that I will never let it happen again. In fact, the bishop in my previous ward exhorted me to write such a letter before I wrote my petition letter. So I guess I'll go do that. Thanks for your help and responses, everyone."
posted at 16:51:35 on August 24, 2011 by ddg


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"Man has a dual nature; one, related to the earthly or animal life; the other, akin to the divine. Whether a man remains satisfied within what we designate the animal world, satisfied with what the animal world will give him, yielding without effort to the whim of his appetites and passions and slipping farther and farther into the realm of indulgence, or whether, through self-mastery, he rises toward intellectual, moral, and spiritual enjoyments depends upon the kind of choice he makes every day, nay, every hour of his life"

— David O. McKay