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Such a mess
By YURI
8/17/2011 6:49:03 AM
Well.. I have been struggling for a while, maybe a month, i if should write here or not.

I'm a girl, 26, single and I'm glad I've found other girls in here too. I was wondering if i was the only one who ever felt like this. That this is a guy problem and stuff like that. I'm a member for almost 10 years, for a long time this had not been a problem for me, but for the last 3 years, i have been facing it.. on and off. I have talked about it with my bishop in the past and i could fix all of it all over again, but for the lasts months i haven't talked about it to anyone.

Sometimes I even find myself struggling if i should call it as a "addiction" or not. Before being a member, i would never think like that. I would only think this is a natural body reaction and that would be nothing wrong with that. But, if the Lord say it's wrong, who am i to say it is right?? So I try to keep the faith and ask God's help to be strong and to not think like that. I also pray to have the strenght to talk to the bishop about it. I just don't feel like talking about it! I just feel like forgeting about it and living my life. It's my business, isn't it? Don't get me wrong, i love my bishop. I'm just trying to find the strenght and the faith to talk to him.

I just hope to not listen again (by him or anyone) something like "Oh, sister, you need to get married". Like if it would solve problems! Or like if you would find a good person at the next corner. And i have also seen so many bad relationships and have had heartbreakes that sometimes i find myself thinking if i really want to get married. I will not get married just to have sex and i don't want to get married just because everyone else keeps pushing me to that. I do want to find a special person, deep withing i do want to get married. But i don't want to rush things. I don't want to get married for the wrong reasons.

There is SO MANY thoughts in my mind. So many things it keeps rewinding over and over. Such a mess! So.. I keep praying for some strenght. And I keep praying to want to have it.. sigh..

I don't know. I guess I'm just tired..

Comments:

Dont give up.    
"I appreciate your comments to me. They made me feel much better and gave me a little bit more direction for what I need to do in writing about my life. I totally agree with you on not getting married just because people tell you that you should. When it is time, the Lord will bring a man into your life that is right for you and you will know it. Until then, all you can do is be as obedient as you can to His commandments. It is soooo hard to do, I know, but you CAN do it. If ever I can be of any help, please feel free to ask. I have been married 2 times now. Once for 14 years , with 3 kids and the second time now for almost 4 months and she has 2 wonderful children. Keep your faith strong and hang in there, even when you are tired of it all. That is when Satan is the most dangerous to you."
posted at 09:02:06 on August 17, 2011 by hansenrick88
Welcome    
"I am always excited to see another girl on here (not that I wish this on anyone). It also helps me feel less alone and less like a freak. I totally understand your hesitation to talk with your bishop. I think it's for the best though. Try not to assume the worst of his response. I'm a convert too, so I get it sometimes being hard to see it as wrong. As far as knowing if you're an addict, can you stop? Is your life unmanageable? Is it causing you problems? Don't let anyone push you into marriage. I've been married twice, both times not for the right reasons. It won't fix things and will cause more problems. I wish I had some great advice that would solve it all, but I don't. I would recommend though ARP, counseling, and spirituality. Pray for strength to tell your bishop. Hang in there and never quit trying.
D"
posted at 16:51:20 on August 17, 2011 by dstanley
Brave    
"Yuri, you have found a great place to start. This group has a large array of people in it. Don't feel alone. You have a loving Heavenly Father on your side, along with many more! :) (((HUGS and PRAYERS!)))"
posted at 16:56:59 on August 17, 2011 by confidence
A Perfect Brightness of Hope    
"Never in my life have I seen anyone so happy or so holy as a man who was addicted (after being married in the temple) to pornography and masturbation, but who overcame it. He overcame it with the help of the Savior, his bishop and others, plus a patient, understanding wife. This brother practically glows in the dark now. He has the most infectious smile I've ever seen, and he wears it all the time. His face reflects the "perfect brightness of hope" of which Alma spoke. And so will yours, someday.

Don't be ashamed, and don't panic. You are a precious daughter of God. Go to your bishop and tell him your problem. That is the first step. He will help you find the way to recovery. It might seem rocky and difficult, but the way to exaltation is never easy. And never give up, never. God bless you and I wish you success.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.""
posted at 20:36:58 on August 17, 2011 by Anonymous
Courage    
"Yuri,
It is not easy to share or to talk about that but it gives hope, I have found in the 12-step program, great people and help.

I'm not a girl but I understand your feeling and questions about to be married, it is not a solution, I 'm in the same situation, although, I was able to build a strong relationship with my bishop during the last 4 months.

I'm single and I was with a wonderful woman, she was talking about marriage, but because of my addiction I decided to disclose my problem and then she was more distant.
It is much more important to clear and fix some of my issue before any commitments and God will do the rest.

I will pray for you and enjoy the life."
posted at 04:40:47 on August 18, 2011 by mike81
Thoughts    
"I'm not a girl but I know from personal expereince that this is not something that you want to take with you into a marriage (active additicion) if at all possible. Of course, we never "get over it" but we can expect to one day live in a recovey lifestyle. I have hope in Christ to overcome this each day and become stronger for it. This is what I did: talk to my Bishop, work the steps, go to meetings, develop an attitude of constant prayer, read the scriptures daily, fast, attend the temple (when I was able to again), become perfectly honest with myself, the Lord, and others. There is hope - we can and do recover in time."
posted at 11:41:16 on August 18, 2011 by ldsfamilyman
hey there    
"Firstly welcome.
We love you already. Im happy you are here and youre a girl that is my age with the same proble.... us girls need each other at times.

Now for your addiction. Seek counseling, talk with your bishop (be honest), come here often, go to arp meetings, journal, pray, watch your actions around the oppisite sex, and listen to general conferences. Also read other peoples posts or comments. people like Dstanley, hero, and many others know their stuff!
Much love!"
posted at 01:44:03 on August 19, 2011 by taintedlove
thanks!    
"Thank you everyone for your kind words! And, most of all, I'm glad that all people in here are understanding and not judgemental. Thank you so much for that!

Yes, as I said, I'm still finding a hard time to get the strenght to actually change my behavior and "walk the line". But I'm praying about it. Even if there are things I don't understand, I know that the Lord knows better then i do. LOT better. I'm asking for his help. And I'm happy i can count with your help and that we can all support each other.

This program is really special and inspired."
posted at 09:49:41 on August 19, 2011 by YURI


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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball