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posting for my benefit...
By gracefull
8/15/2011 2:14:20 PM
I need to get out of my head...and get to a meeting... call a sponsor, etc...
so this is a healthy step for me to post. (no replies are necessary...I just needed to share)

Hi, my name is gracefull and I'm an addict.
today I am lonely, frustrated, tired, anxious and oh yeah... and it;s monday.

today is my 6 month mark for recovery.. and I'm feeling attacked... with lots of cheap shots by satan. I couldn't sleep last night.. and all sorts of negative thoughts, emotions hit me. I found out that the girl I was supposedly exclusively dating 'dated a few other guys'. She kept it all secret until now..
so I guess I'm getting to experience a bit of what it's like for many women (the feelings they have when a secret exists)

I'm hurt, I'm sad, I have a few tears... but all I can do is hope.. and keep moving on... waking into the waves that crash over me and my life... I am willing to keep living with a open and a hurting heart and broken/contrite heart.. than to retreat to isolation with a prideful/hard heart.

I will rely on God..who has been such an amazing support. I will look to him and noone else for strength...I will do the things I CAN CONTROL... I will go to the temple... I will fast for strength.. I will cry... I will create new boundaries...and most of all I will RELY on the atonement and it's grace to see me through.. so that this too shall pass.

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"Lucifer will do all in his power to keep you captive. You are familiar with his strategy. He whispers: “No one will ever know.” “Just one more time.” “You can’t change; you have tried before and failed.” “It’s too late; you’ve gone too far.” Don’t let him discourage you. When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990