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posting for my benefit...
By gracefull
8/15/2011 2:14:20 PM
I need to get out of my head...and get to a meeting... call a sponsor, etc...
so this is a healthy step for me to post. (no replies are necessary...I just needed to share)

Hi, my name is gracefull and I'm an addict.
today I am lonely, frustrated, tired, anxious and oh yeah... and it;s monday.

today is my 6 month mark for recovery.. and I'm feeling attacked... with lots of cheap shots by satan. I couldn't sleep last night.. and all sorts of negative thoughts, emotions hit me. I found out that the girl I was supposedly exclusively dating 'dated a few other guys'. She kept it all secret until now..
so I guess I'm getting to experience a bit of what it's like for many women (the feelings they have when a secret exists)

I'm hurt, I'm sad, I have a few tears... but all I can do is hope.. and keep moving on... waking into the waves that crash over me and my life... I am willing to keep living with a open and a hurting heart and broken/contrite heart.. than to retreat to isolation with a prideful/hard heart.

I will rely on God..who has been such an amazing support. I will look to him and noone else for strength...I will do the things I CAN CONTROL... I will go to the temple... I will fast for strength.. I will cry... I will create new boundaries...and most of all I will RELY on the atonement and it's grace to see me through.. so that this too shall pass.

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"In recent years, as I have sung the hymns of the Atonement, it has been with an especially full heart—and also with full voice, when I can continue to sing—lines such as “How great thou art,” “I scarce can take it in,” “To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,” “I stand all amazed,” and “Oh, it is wonderful!”"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987