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posting for my benefit...
By gracefull
8/15/2011 2:14:20 PM
I need to get out of my head...and get to a meeting... call a sponsor, etc...
so this is a healthy step for me to post. (no replies are necessary...I just needed to share)

Hi, my name is gracefull and I'm an addict.
today I am lonely, frustrated, tired, anxious and oh yeah... and it;s monday.

today is my 6 month mark for recovery.. and I'm feeling attacked... with lots of cheap shots by satan. I couldn't sleep last night.. and all sorts of negative thoughts, emotions hit me. I found out that the girl I was supposedly exclusively dating 'dated a few other guys'. She kept it all secret until now..
so I guess I'm getting to experience a bit of what it's like for many women (the feelings they have when a secret exists)

I'm hurt, I'm sad, I have a few tears... but all I can do is hope.. and keep moving on... waking into the waves that crash over me and my life... I am willing to keep living with a open and a hurting heart and broken/contrite heart.. than to retreat to isolation with a prideful/hard heart.

I will rely on God..who has been such an amazing support. I will look to him and noone else for strength...I will do the things I CAN CONTROL... I will go to the temple... I will fast for strength.. I will cry... I will create new boundaries...and most of all I will RELY on the atonement and it's grace to see me through.. so that this too shall pass.

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"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988