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posting for my benefit...
By gracefull
8/15/2011 2:14:20 PM
I need to get out of my head...and get to a meeting... call a sponsor, etc...
so this is a healthy step for me to post. (no replies are necessary...I just needed to share)

Hi, my name is gracefull and I'm an addict.
today I am lonely, frustrated, tired, anxious and oh yeah... and it;s monday.

today is my 6 month mark for recovery.. and I'm feeling attacked... with lots of cheap shots by satan. I couldn't sleep last night.. and all sorts of negative thoughts, emotions hit me. I found out that the girl I was supposedly exclusively dating 'dated a few other guys'. She kept it all secret until now..
so I guess I'm getting to experience a bit of what it's like for many women (the feelings they have when a secret exists)

I'm hurt, I'm sad, I have a few tears... but all I can do is hope.. and keep moving on... waking into the waves that crash over me and my life... I am willing to keep living with a open and a hurting heart and broken/contrite heart.. than to retreat to isolation with a prideful/hard heart.

I will rely on God..who has been such an amazing support. I will look to him and noone else for strength...I will do the things I CAN CONTROL... I will go to the temple... I will fast for strength.. I will cry... I will create new boundaries...and most of all I will RELY on the atonement and it's grace to see me through.. so that this too shall pass.

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"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006