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The healing process....
By urbnoutdrzmn
8/14/2011 8:01:43 AM
I know I have already blogged something for today and I am trying to blog on here everyday the feelings I am having..It is making things easier to handle..Anyways I decided to read the views from the wives on here..and as I was reading I was amazed at how when they described their husbands actions..I was that person. I had the anger, the meanness about me. I was no fun to be around, I was full of guilt for the things I put my family through from the addiction.. I am proud to admit I am doing better now..I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I used to play a game on the computer called Fable. In this game you could choose to be a good guy or a bad guy through your actions. I chose to be a good guy and was loved by all...However one day I decided to be a bad guy so I took the good guy I was playing and began to make bad choices...In doing so I could see my outer body begin to change and become darker, you even begin to grow horns. and my inner self began to change as well..My characters laugh and the way I presented myself changed to a darker evil self. When I would walk through the game..People would run..No one wanted to be around me except those that were like me. I decided to be a nice guy again and found out that the only way I could was to start over in the game..

This got me thinking today...I was a good guy in the beginning and even when my addiction was there I was a good guy, However I let my addiction get the best of me on my decisions and the way I treated others. People didnt want to be around me. I would cover it up the best I could til I was backed into a corner and came out fighting..and I would fight over anything. I had a chip on my shoulder waiting for someone to knock it off.

Now here I am fighting for something else, I want to be a good guy again. I want to have the Spirit of my Heavenly Father on my side and the love of my brother Jesus Christ. So in a sense I am starting the game over and to make the right choices. Sure it is going to be hard, it is never easy...However with the right thoughts and support anything is possible.

Let the healing process begin......

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"Lucifer will do all in his power to keep you captive. You are familiar with his strategy. He whispers: “No one will ever know.” “Just one more time.” “You can’t change; you have tried before and failed.” “It’s too late; you’ve gone too far.” Don’t let him discourage you. When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990