Tough Stuff
By confidence
8/11/2011 12:04:33 PM
So... I'm so conflicted on how to deal with sex with my husband. First, I have usually liked sex, so that makes it even harder for what I'm sharing here...

We've come to a realization more this morning how he is equating love and acceptance with sex. He said, "Well, I feel accepted if you and I have sex." Basically co-dependent stuff. Keep in mind that I'm MORE PTSD than co-dependent (per his saying so BTW - and I agree).

So, this morning, he tried to get me to make love, and I just wasn't "feeling" that emotional closeness. It may have made it more challenging because it was early too and I was still waking up. I told him no and sorry but I just didn't feel ok with sex at the time. However, he pushed the idea that he at least wanted me happy. So, through his advances, I went through with the making me feel good, and fought through everything that said to me to have sex with him like, "You owe it to him," "This will help him fight the SA," etc. But, I also knew that it really wasn't a healthy way to be. So, it ended up that HE got me there, and I didn't do anything for him much.

Right now he's been saying that he's really really struggling bad (with wanting to slip). I appreciate and VALUE his honesty so much. But, I just don't know what to do. He doesn't know either other than me not be touchy in any way with him.

Any thoughts?


"I know from personal experience that is very tough...I always thought if I had sex with my wife it would mean that things are better..However, I was lying to myself. I know she was thinking to herself if I might be thinking of someone else and not her.

Sex is supposed to be very intimate with someone you truly love, not a way for someone to fantasize in being with someone else. going through the motions doesnt help, because you are enabling him of still pleasing it is just with you not by himself. This is very tough to talk about, but needs to be addressed. I am falling in love with my wife all over again, because of how I felt when we first got married 15 1/2 years ago. I am married to the best woman on the planet and we have been through a lot. She is my ROCK..and I am grateful to her.

I want you to know that there are days where..I think it would be easier to slip so that I can blame it on that and deal with the pain with fighting this addiction.

It is extremely awesome to know that I have gone some time now without letting myself slip..and bragging rights are worth the weight in gold..and the blessings are great because Heavenly Father and I are celebrating each day instead of Satan winning."
posted at 14:45:44 on August 11, 2011 by urbnoutdrzmn
My thoughts    
"Having sex because you both want to express your love is great. Having sex because he is tempted is just letting him slip in a "legitimate" way. I know my ex acted out with me, and I could tell when I was acting out with him instead of having sex for the right reasons. When he's having high urges, help him figure out what's triggering him, and work through it or get him distracted. At least that's what I would want a spouse to do for me. Good luck!"
posted at 18:10:52 on August 12, 2011 by dstanley

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"My spiritual prescription includes six choices which I shall list alphabetically, A through F:
  • Choose to Be Alive
  • Choose to Believe
  • Choose to Change
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    — Russell M. Nelson

    General Conference, October 1988