By confidence
8/9/2011 11:55:38 AM
So, I have felt like my husband says/does one thing, and does/say another most of my marriage.

He'll say something that hurts or concerns me. I'll tell him that I feel hurt/concerned. He'll fight against it, I'll plead my case. Then, instead of working it out or parting ways (verbally), many times I end up staying around and he's yelling and possibly hitting/throwing things.

Then, a few days later, if I really feel strongly about the issue, I bring it up again. And miraculously, he's changed his mind. HOWEVER, the big deal is that he says he never said the opposing view was his. (Basically, that the fight should have never happened because there was no discord anyway)

Is this a result of all the lies - that he doesn't even know what's going on? It is driving me batty after over 10++ years of marriage! Any thoughts/suggestions???


This is the face of addiction    
"And the dance between the addict and codependent. You must check out of the game. Addicts lie (forget, whatever).

You have to work on you and stop trying to get him to understand what he has done to hurt you because it rarely works. I nagged my husband forever and it never mattered. In fact, it made my life worse.

Dive into your recovery, set booundaries, and let him deal with himself. If he chooses light, he chooses life with you over his addiction. If he chooses darkness, he chooses whatever comes with that.

This is a hard thing to understand until you are in full recovery and healiing yourself, but I promise that it is more simple than one might imagine. Giving it alll to the Lord has brought me such peace that I am amazed how peaceful I can be in the middle of a storm. It is all something the Lord is doing for me because I decided to turn my will over to him and trust him. I am not in perfection yet, it may be a long time from now, but I know that with God, nothing is impossible.

My husband is in recovery and sometimes displaying signs that are let's say, less than pleasing to me, but really I am okay because Heavenly Father has taken the same problems that once put me in the depths of despair, and made my burdens much lighter.

You can do this sister, you really can. You are a sweetheart and the Lord knows it."
posted at 14:48:21 on August 9, 2011 by Anonymous

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"I have come to know that thoughts, like water, will stay on course if we make a place for them to go. Otherwise, our thoughts follow the course of least resistance, always seeking the lower levels. Probably the greatest challenge and the most difficult thing you will face in mortal life is to learn to control your thoughts. In the Bible it says, as a man ‘thinketh in his heart, so is he’ (Prov. 23:7). One who can control his thoughts has conquered himself. As you learn to control your thoughts, you can overcome habits, even degrading personal habits. You can gain courage, conquer fear, and have a happy life. "

— Boyd K. Packer

BYU, Speeches of the Year, 26 Sept. 1967