what am i doing wrong?
By kaybee
8/6/2011 11:53:01 PM
i read my scriptures everyday. read quite a bit. usually take the time to read 4-5 pages per day. i say my prayers morning and night. and yet today is my 20th birthday, and its also day 1... again. this signifies one year that i SHOULD have been serving the lord on a mission. one year closer to being able to marry the girl i love in the temple. but im no closer than i was a year ago!! the past 3 days as my birthday has approached has been very depressing. im bitter, hurt, and angry. at myself, at the church and even at god. i dont know what else to do. im ready to just give up, but i dont know any other way than to be a member of the church even if im a self made outcast.


So hard!    
"That has to be so tough!! I am sorry your having to go through this trial. The one and only thing that I KNOW is found in Ether 12:6
"And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that afaith is things which are bhoped for and cnot seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no dwitness until after the etrial of your faith"
On a time line- a year is a long time to suffer and endure here on Earth. However from the Lord's bigger picture its just a small amount of time.
When the saints were tried over and over and over. The law wouldn't help them. They were driven from their homes and wounded, molested, beaten, etc. The Lord said that he was weeding out the weak.
I feel that as hard as it is- you have a very strong and diligent spirit and the Lord knew that you would be able to endure it all and rise above it.
I pray that you will find some peace, or answers, or comfort to help you through this.
Much love~ Faith"
posted at 00:47:46 on August 7, 2011 by faith21
quit trying to save yourself    
"let the lord save you...moroni 6:4.....'rely ALONE on the MERITS of Christ, who was the author and the finisher of faith'......rely alone on him....not cant do cant. do only what u can do...youre doing that.....

STOP COUNTING DAYS...sets u up for failure...count today thats all you have...."
posted at 16:27:54 on August 7, 2011 by skyteamst90
Patience Kaybee, It is a process....    
"Stick with it. You can win this battle."
posted at 21:44:52 on August 7, 2011 by chefdalet
Are You...    
"going to ARP meetings? Do you have a counselor? The things you are doing are GREAT! The thing is, most (if not all) of us have underlying issues that caused us to become addicts in the first place. You need to work on those things as well. For me, one thing that is an issue for me is emotions. I tend to try to control my emotions with my addiction. I'm working hard to learn how to better handle my emotions in a healthy way. I know it's hard to not be where you want to be. My bishop has told me that I'm at least a year away from going to the temple. I also need some significant sobriety to be able to get my patriarchal blessing. You'll get there. Keep doing what you're doing, and maybe try to get some help with the emotions you're experiencing. Hang in there! You'll be a great missionary and husband some day.
posted at 22:04:20 on August 7, 2011 by dstanley
counting days, etc.    
"i wasnt counting days, its just that i was pretty close to being able to put in my papers. as far as a counciler, my bishop thinks i dont need one. but lately (past 2 weeks) i have felt like that must be what i need since all the spiritual side (and i mean all of it, im doing all of it) is just not enough."
posted at 00:23:17 on August 8, 2011 by kaybee
Not enough    
"Perhaps your Bishop doesn't understand what you are really up against? You are having to fight against powerful chemicals in your brain, frontal lobe hurdles that fight against you, and psychological stuff that gave root for the addiction.

You need a good therapist that knows about SA. Perhaps he's a newer Bishop? Maybe he's worried about Ward funds. But, my RS Pres. told me to not let that hold me back in getting help for my husband (and myself). The Ward would find funds from the Stake, or other places, as needed.

Good luck! And ditto the above remarks. :) "Just keep swimming!" Find your toolbox and fill it overflowing!"
posted at 01:02:11 on August 8, 2011 by confidence
"Trust your bishop for all things spiritual, but he doesn't neccesarily know everything else. See a counselor. It will help you. Definitely get one that specializes in sex addiction. LifeStar counselors can be a good place to look if there are some in your area. Also, I wouldn't necessarily not count days. For me I find it motivating. Sometimes it helps you spot patterns as well. Just a thought. Do what works best for you. Just keep trying and you'll get it.
posted at 13:31:40 on August 8, 2011 by dstanley
Go to ARP    
"Get support!!!! There are three pillars to successful recovery. One is the bishop, one is a good therapist and a support group to help with the 12 steps. Get all three as soon as possible, I promise tremendous strenght come from these three help combined."
posted at 16:36:31 on August 8, 2011 by Anonymous

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"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988