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angry today
By hk-47
7/23/2011 2:26:55 PM
It's been a while since I've posted, but please rest assured I do read many of your posts and I do draw strengthn from them. Thanks

My father is in town visitng today; it has been over a year since I've seen him. He has managed to severely anger me and my oldest son (9) already. Quick background- he's a recovering alcoholic with 29 years of sobriety. I've not ever talked to him about my addiction (P/M) and I don't honestly think I ever will.

While I do love him, he's always been a verbally abusive, manipulative @$$. He's managed to make my son cry several times since he's been here. And, he's managed to try to blame my son, myself, and my wife. It's our bad parenting that makes him so emotional and high strung. Yes, my son is emotional and does over react. We're dealing with it and he's been in counselling. He's also a wonderful kid, a loving older brother (to 3 year old twin girls - he should get a medal just for that) a straight A student, an outstanding athlete, and an all around good kid. He also doesn't react this way to any other relatives - not any other grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. Today my son actuall said "I hate you and I always will".

Yes, I agree that that was disrespectful but I also notice he's never said anything like it to any other relative. Or any other adult, for that matter. But, Grampa told me this evening that it is clearly caused by the way my wife and I raise him.

BTW, my son is adopted, through LDS Family Services. His two little sisters are also adopted. I pray that that will mean they won't have to deal with this addiction personality that seems to be in every male member of my family.

I know I'm rambling here but it's good just to get it off my chest. I didn't have a slip today, or yesterday, so I guess that's a good thing. I need to pray now.

thanks,
HK

Comments:

Tell him in AA language...    
"to stay on his side of the street, and then show him the door. Seriously. If he can't act respectfully to your family, then he doesn't deserve the privilege of being in your home. It's a hard pill but if he is in AA he should no better. Set boundaries. When he is in your home he will not demean you or other members, etc.

Some of us with long term sobriety get way too complacent and slip back into our old ways. We call it being a "dry drunk""
posted at 18:12:09 on July 23, 2011 by Anonymous
"Know better"    
"."
posted at 18:12:56 on July 23, 2011 by Anonymous
Boundaries    
"Good for you for getting the ugly part out here so you don't have to say ugly things to him there. I personally agree with Anon and that boundaries are critical here. He needs to be lovingly told the rules. Some of it should be handled privately with just the grown ups, but if there has been offenses against your child then I would either sit down with your son and let him know that you've established rules that Grandpa will not do those things again, or if possible set up a safe time for everyone together to sit down and go over the new boundaries. Either way, your son needs evidence that you will protect him from a situation where he doesn't have the age or experience to advocate for himself. Even if your father wont comply, you will still be teaching your son that you are on his side and also demonstrate how to establish and hold to healthy boundaries. That is an amazing and priceless gift in this difficult situation. Good luck."
posted at 19:01:07 on July 23, 2011 by maddy
Thanks    
"Thanks, guys. Always great to have some backup.
HK"
posted at 14:47:53 on July 24, 2011 by Hk-47


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"Nothing is beyond [Christ’s] redeeming reach or His encircling empathy. Therefore, we should not complain about our own life’s not being a rose garden when we remember who wore the crown of thorns! Having bled at every pore, how red His raiment must have been in Gethsemane, how crimson that cloak! No wonder, when Christ comes in power and glory, that He will come in reminding red attire, signifying not only the winepress of wrath, but also to bring to our remembrance how He suffered for each of us in Gethsemane and on Calvary!"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987