how do let go and let God?
By Joshua
7/22/2011 12:25:15 AM
So my wife and I just had another fight about the severe lack of sexual relations. Last time we did it was over 4 months ago and we are both 30 years old and we have no physical handicaps that would prevent us from doing it.

I get it that she feels hurt by the porn/masterbation. I also feel hurt emotionally when she doesn't want to have sexual relationships with me too. It hurts deeply. I want to share everything with her and I want our marriage to be successful. I just feel our itimacy is tossed to the side. I know I withhold itimacy too like not cuddling, holding hands etc and when I do this my goal is just to hurt heras much if not more.

I know arp saids sometimes we get in cycles where we exchange hurts with each other. So how do I let this go and let God take care of it for he invented the physical attractionbetween the 2 sexes and sanctified sexual relationships between husnad and wife?


Exceptions around Sex    
"The first thing I want to say is: I know what you are going through. I have been there before.

The other thing I want to share is. If your wife doesn't feel safe then she is not going to want to put her walls down and let you in. Especially intimacy. This is the way I look at it. I have committed to the process of recovery. I am committed to fight for myself, and to fight for my wife, I am committed to fight for our relationship, however that doesn't remove the years of pain that have caused my wife. Nor does it eliminate the pain she is feeling right now. It is very difficult for us guys to fully understand how we have hurt our wives. This hurt or wound is going to take sometime to heal. I would suggest that you have some patience, connect yourself with your higher power, and give your wife some space in this area of your relationship. You are not going to die if you go without sex for week, month, or even a year. I am not suggesting that you do this, but I will assure you that you will not die.

As your wife sees your commitment, and that you are not constantly trying to manipulate her into intimate relations, then maybe things will pick up. Many have reported that their intimate lives have actual improved as a result of recovery. Perhaps not in the worldly view of intimacy, but in God's view.

I also commend your wife for holding her boundaries with. You should thank her for that. She is actually do you a great service.

I would recommend that you pickup this DVD. In it Geoff Steurer explains how you have hurt your wife and how to begin to repair the wound that you have created."
posted at 17:33:54 on July 22, 2011 by jblackb

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"I will speak briefly of the principle of repentance. How grateful I am for the understanding we have of this great principle. It is not a harsh principle, as I thought when I was a boy. It is kind and merciful. The Hebrew root of the word means, simply, "to turn," or to return, to God. Jehovah pled with the children of Israel: "Return . . . and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful . . . and I will not keep anger for ever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God." When we acknowledge our sins, confess them and forsake them, and turn to God, He will forgive us."

— Richard G. Hinckley

General Conference April 2006