How do I do this?
By Trevor
7/21/2011 6:13:49 PM
Step 1 - Action Step — Let go of pride and seek humility
This step seems very...nebulous to me. I guess pride is the idea that I can handle this on my own--that I can keep it private, and keep anyone from knowing. I don't want anyone to know that I'm weak, that I'm struggling, or what a disgusting person I am for the habits I indulge in. As long as I hold on to pride, I let the addiction keep its grasp on me. As long as I keep it inside where no one can see it, it still has a foothold.

Of course, it would be absurd to shout out to the world that I am addicted to masturbation and watching pornography. It seems like a funny balance, letting go of my pride but not telling everyone I'm close to about my problem. Should I tell my mother, father, brother, sister, best friend? Or is it simply entreating God earnestly for his help, as I come to the conclusion that only by his grace and mercy can I find my way out of the jaws of addiction.

I have done that. I have asked, prayed, begged, many times on bended knee, for some way out of this. Maybe I am not humble enough to listen to his answers. Maybe I, in my pride, expect too grand of a gesture from the Almighty. Maybe I don't think it should be so hard. Maybe I need the humility to submit myself to his will in ways that I don't understand, to earn the strength of purpose to face my weaknesses.

Maybe I need to be less focused on myself, and more on those around me. Maybe the reason I find it so hard to be released from my self-made prison is that the prison is now the only thing I see. Maybe if I changed my life to help other people, lost myself in a good cause, the bars would begin to evaporate and I would start to see that they were made not of steel, but of lies I told myself so long I believed they were true.

And maybe I'm rambling on foolishly without a real idea of what I'm talking about. Maybe I'm trying to hide my pride under a mountain of words.


Good for you, Trevor!    
"You are asking yourself all the right questions, my friend. Step One for me was taking an honest and hard look at my past. I looked at the patterns of acting out and endless attempts at quitting. When we write it all down it is even harder to deny the hopelessness and helplessness of the situation. Left to my own devices I couldn't deny that I was doomed to yet another failure. Step One tears down in order for Steps Two and Three to set the foundation for building back up. Keep up the good work."
posted at 20:12:13 on July 21, 2011 by Anonymous
why is it absurd?    
"First of all, I love that you are asking all the same questions I asked of myself.
As men, we are all in the same boat with you man. Having sexual desires does not make you disgusting (regardless what anyone has ever taught you OR done to you)

Truly, this is everyman's battle.... SATAN likes to make it seem like this is a back alley, wierd, pervert type of thing. and man he does a good job hugh?
Remeber the garden of eden... Quick, HIDE!!!!

I'm not sure about you... but sex, porn was thrown into my face in elementary school and has only increased since then... It's a battle everyday... (and one that women do NOT GET nor will they ever understand fully)

So... disclosure is a SUPER important thing to do... looking back.. I think BULL in CHINA SHOP would have been a lot more fun than the 10 year slow disclosure I did with friends and family... If I were do it over again... I would pay $50 bucks to sit down with a pyschologist (or someone in press relations) and write out a disclosure script... (or do it on this site for free and get feedback)

Then PRAY.. for guidance...
Then pray for the right order of people to tell
Then ask them that you want to schedule time with them (alone) going for a walk, or a drive, or a hike that lasts 20-45 mins is a good amount of time.
Then... bring your paper.. and READ IT... then.. it's up to you if you want to answer questions.. my feeling is that you don't need to... just tell them you really appreciate them and that the Savior has been working miracles in your life.. and that you are so happy for their friendship.

In summary.. dont' go to them expecting that they will hate you... go in with strength.. go in with the hope of Christ... and remember that you have a legion of angels and people on this site that unconditionally support you.

I love other christians (outside of our faith) because for the most part it's a lot easier for them to admit that they make mistakes... uh.. that they are sinners. It's kinda a part of their missionary discussions (if you will) that you need to pray the sinners prayer.

It's never easy in this world... but I feel so much freedom from just telling other men... of the HOPE that is within me.. because of the grace I feel.. yeah.. I looked at porn... but I got over it.. and you can to.

GIVE HOPE!!! ( the Salvation Army's main mission is to bring HOPE!)

I have no doubt in my mind you will find recovery... you are one of the good guys!"
posted at 23:54:40 on July 21, 2011 by gracefull
"I take a little bit of offense to the comment that "It's a battle everyday... (and one that women do NOT GET nor will they ever understand fully)". I think I get it all too well. My father had pornography around and it was not hidden. I never had the benefit of anyone telling me that there was anything wrong with pornography or masturbation. I was dumped at least once for not being willing to have sex with the guy. Before my first husband and I married, he fully introduced me to the world of porn and masturbation and then introduced me to sex. I married him because I felt I had no other choice since we were having sex. As a woman, I could have a man that is willing to have sex with me in probably less than 5 minutes. I just finally cut things off with a man I was chatting with that wanted a friends with benefits relationship with someone who was willing to have more than just vanilla sex. It was one of the hardest things I've done in a while. I struggle every day. On a good day all I struggle with is masturbation, on others it's all I can do to not have sex. There are a lot of people out there who don't get our struggles (men and women), but there are also a lot who do and who in fact share those very same struggles (also men AND women). I have some very good female friends who share this struggle (and some participate on this site).

Sorry to hijack the thread Trevor. As far as telling people, I can tell you that it has been the best thing in the world for me to have told a few people. It has helped me to see that they don't treat me like a crazy monster. It is helpful to have friends who do their best to comfort and support me in this struggle (even though they don't understand). Just the other day, as I was struggling to end things with a guy, my one friend asked me how she could help encourage me to end it. It was a great comfort. You'll have to find your balance and decide who you're going to tell. Pray about it. You're not a disgusting person. I think telling some people will help you see that. You're a good guy with a bad problem. Focusing on others is also a good idea.

posted at 15:44:49 on July 23, 2011 by dstanley
Nowhere in Step One does it mention disclosure.    
"We deal with disclosure in Steps 6 and 9. Work on Step One and the later Steps will take care of themselves. To disclose certain things before then is not wise in my opinion. The Steps are beautifully in order for good reason."
posted at 18:05:02 on July 23, 2011 by Anonymous
That's nice to know.    
"It'll be a while before I get there, though. I'm living overseas for a few months, so it'll be impossible for me to attend meetings. It's gonna be rough here. Less than an hour ago I saw a beautiful topless woman on the beach, and I definitely looked more than once. Sigh.

Does that mean my counter goes down to 0?"
posted at 09:15:47 on July 24, 2011 by Trevor

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"One of the great myths in life is when men think they are invincible. Too many think that they are men of steel, strong enough to withstand any temptation."

— James E. Faust

General Conference, April 2002