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Alone I am powerless
By Trevor
7/19/2011 4:39:15 PM
Step 1 - Key Principle — Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.
I'm 21 years old. Since I was 11, I've struggled with an addiction to masturbation and to pornography. I've always felt a great amount of shame over it, and have tried to quit many times. The longest I've gone is about 5 or 6 months. I haven't sought outside help until now, really. I confessed in writing to a bishop when I was probably 16 or 17, unable to say the words aloud and in person, and I did not follow up. Just in the last month or so I spoke with another bishop, and he thought I should join the and LDS addiction recovery group. I'm deployed overseas at the moment, so I'll try this online option, though I do not expect great success.

My problem of addiction is exacerbated by a certain lack of faith in the Gospel (or maybe it's the reverse that's true). Whatever the case, I haven't attended church regularly in years. I want to believe the Gospel is true, but I just don't know how to make my mind commit. I don't think I could ever have faith that a priesthood blessing I gave would have any real power. I don't believe in miracles. Some of the things I read about in the Bible sound ridiculous. I don't really like going to church meetings, mostly because I'm really not a social person.

I don't know where I'm going with my life, don't see much point to it all. I've struggled with depression, I quit high school as a Junior, and I don't have high hopes for having a wife and family (which is, weirdly, one of the few things in life I can think of that I want). I'm quiet and I don't make friends, and typically spend my time alone when I am not at work. I think this might be one of my biggest problems, one of the biggest factors contributing to my addiction.

Despite my lack of church attendance and belief, I hold to the principles. I don't swear, drink, smoke, engage in premarital sex, etc. I'm nice. I'm as friendly as an anti-social person can be.

I feel like I'm bad at life, like I'm not doing it correctly. I have poor self-confidence and self-esteem, I guess. I think overcoming this addiction could be the key to helping me get my life under control, and I've found that, alone, I am powerless to stop. So I'm trying to involve others as best I can. I tend to resist involving others in myself, so this is weird for me.

Comments:

Dude!    
"I loved your post.
your post & the tone you wrote it with convinces me you are a stellar person... you really are.
you are the type of person that gives me hope and strength
I have a HUGE, HUGE amount of respect for someone like you.. that goes about following your moral compass in your own way.

you probably don't feel it right now... but for me and my journey.. PROGRESS was happening all along the way...

The one thing that really helped me (REALLY ACCELERATED THINGS)... was just letting go of all the shame I felt from women, men, church leaders, people who wanted me to drink/smoke.
That then freed me up to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ... which allowed me in my own way to find his Grace.

For me, SHAME WAS THE KILLER... not the porn per se... that really prevented me from making forward progress.

Grace is there and it's FREE.. and it's abundant... and there are miracles waiting for you. There are so many great and wonderful things..

Clearly, all of this goodness and goodnews will be opposed... Satan hates it when a man stands up (like you have done) and stops the SHAME.

I know for sure God has is eye on you.. and he just will not ever let you go...he will keep pursuing you.. and pursuing you... protecting you and providing for you... (just like he has done for me) in all the big and small ways.


anyway.. thanks for making my day!"
posted at 17:44:11 on July 19, 2011 by gracefull
One heck of a first post    
"Welcome. Are you sure your just starting this process? Because the step 1 things seems to come quite naturally to you.

Work the ARP...really, really work it. Even if you only have the smallest glimmer of a desire to overcome this and you'll find it start to grow. I promise.

Side note: deployment. Being military can complicate this in more than just distance from resources. My husband struggled with deployments with his addictions and especially with despair from the negative environment...the military has such a strong culture of pornography and mb. The online resources are actually quite good these days. And you can do a LOT of reading. The recommendations on this site are spot on and there are so many people to help you along the way.

Again, welcome."
posted at 20:54:05 on July 19, 2011 by maddy
...    
"Wow, you sound just like me, except I'm not being deployed... We have the same problem and back story... I am also 21 now, depressed, life is not going anywhere...

I still have a hard time believing in some miracle, so many priesthood blessings... I want an immediate fix, but I'm realizing now, every time I fall on my face and as I reach out for help, I learn more and become more, my God is helping me come closer to him even while I am clearly not perfect.

...Either 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
posted at 21:58:13 on July 19, 2011 by Gondor44646


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"If, through our unrighteous choices, we have lost our footing on that path, we must remember the agency we were given, agency we may choose to exercise again. I speak especially to those overcome by the thick darkness of addiction. If you have fallen into destructive, addictive behaviors, you may feel that you are spiritually in a black hole. As with the real black holes in space, it may seem all but impossible for light to penetrate to where you are. How do you escape? I testify the only way is through the very agency you exercised so valiantly in your premortal life, the agency that the adversary cannot take away without your yielding it to him. "

— Robert D. Hales

General Conference, April 2006