Honesty: Co-Dependency
By Confidence
7/11/2011 5:09:20 PM
"We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable."

So, I don't get it. What am I to state and believe in my recovery as a co-dependent?

I mean, I guess it's clear, to state I'm powerless over others and my life has become unmanageable. But, isn't there more to it? I mean I feel like I've been thrown under a mack truck, and now I have to admit I'm powerless; my life unmanageable. Well, duh. Hit by a mack truck, remember???

Hear me out as I think I have a grasp on it, but I'm venting as well.

I have tried to please people my whole life. I'm the eldest, and "the example" in my family. Everything (in my mind) needed to be perfect. I was desperate to get married so I could "prove" that I was marketable. That's what I did.

I've always had this deep feeling that the worst would happen to me. That I would be challenged, and be a super Mormon and beat it all. Little did "those people" know that I would not be that. I don't feel super at all. I feel so weak. My body and bones crushed so deep from the mack truck, I cannot stand.

So, in a way (but I think I need to feel it deeper?), I am accepting and stating that "I am very powerless over others - that my life has become unmanageable."


Just work the steps!    
"Little by little just like the gospel, here a little there a little, your understanding will increase as you can handle it. You have been hit, by a Mac Truck and your insides are lying all on the road, you might even feel like you are above looking down on the pathetic mess, that it is more comfortable to not be in your body. I know I have been there, all the spouses on this site have been there. And there is a emergency crew waiting to come to your aid. Your Heavenly Father, Your Savior, the Holy Spirit, but you have to ask them. They need a 911, your honest prayers. You also have a road-map that is inspired just for you. The Family Support Manual, and a therapy group of loving sisters who have been through the same thing, you do not have to be alone in this. But you have to seek it out. Your Heavenly Father waited to let you know for a reason, He has His timetable and he will give you all you need. Just ask. Keep writing it is therapeutic, Keep asking questions. But take action for YOUR recover. You may need a specialist, someone with the credentials that knows how to help put your guts back in. Find one who has experience in SA and has a proven track record for success. Do not settle for anything less. Pray about that one too and you will be lead. You can heal, you are a Daughter of God, Deity is in your veins. You are a partner in His creative process and He will not let you down. Trust! Have Hope, Take courage, your are strong or else you would not be here, your Faith will drive your actions.
Love and Prayers"
posted at 17:40:35 on July 11, 2011 by Hero
"You put it down so much more clearer for me, Hero. Yes, I'm quite literally "besides myself."

The Bishop asked me how I was doing, and I said, "I don't know." And, that's it. I'm so confused and not a part of "me" right now.

Thanks for your inspiring comments. :) I know it's true, I just have to believe i, if that makes sense?"
posted at 17:53:54 on July 11, 2011 by Confidence1

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