By Joshua
7/9/2011 4:49:59 PM
So I have been doing better. I do have longerperiods of abstinince. I pray more regularly, study the scriptures more and better, attend all my church meetings, trying to hometeach more regularly, and having fhe more.

I still fall because when I do have these longer periods of abstinince I feel like my resolve to say no is getting weaker and at times I forget God andto spiral downwards from there.

I did get way better employment with a different company so I am not so sorely tempted to fantasize about that woman that I used to work with.

At times I do want to seperate from my wife due to the usual assortment of issues that come with the pornography/masterbation/unrighteous sex fantasies as I feel that even though I am getting closer to being free from it she is still very far behind on healing and because she never wants to talk about how we as a couple can heal from this. However I do see improvement bit by bit and for that I am willing to stay and keep trying. In fact she started to go to SA-Anon for those that have been effected by the actions of a loved one. So I am really happy for this!!

Another thing has happenned to even though I didn't plan on it but probably as a result of my relationship problems I feel romantically attracted to someone in my arp group and whenever those feelings spring up when I see her I stifle them in the moment or pray to have those feelings gone.

How ironic that I can stuffle those feelings but yet I still feel the pull of porn/masterbation/inappropriate sex thoughts and about 1/4 of the time I still act on it.

Furthermore even though I have longer periods of abstinince and with that there is a chance that cango inside the temple and do ordinance work. But I feel Imight never have that mighty change of heart where I no longer go back to it for the rest of my life. I feel I mighthave that slip every once in while. We are starting over again the 12 steps in arp so I commited myself to each step until they are at the step I am at as it seems about 1/2 the steps are an every day thing and not just u do it once then u are done.


"You don't have to stay clean for the rest of your life. You just need to stay clean today. Keep up the good work. And make sure you give that female in your ARP the same advantages you would want for a sick sister of yours. ie. a safe place to come to every week to recover."
posted at 17:34:45 on July 9, 2011 by Anonymous

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"If, through our unrighteous choices, we have lost our footing on that path, we must remember the agency we were given, agency we may choose to exercise again. I speak especially to those overcome by the thick darkness of addiction. If you have fallen into destructive, addictive behaviors, you may feel that you are spiritually in a black hole. As with the real black holes in space, it may seem all but impossible for light to penetrate to where you are. How do you escape? I testify the only way is through the very agency you exercised so valiantly in your premortal life, the agency that the adversary cannot take away without your yielding it to him. "

— Robert D. Hales

General Conference, April 2006