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Long Time
By faith21
7/8/2011 1:05:02 AM
Be Thou Humble : 1 — Be thou humble in thy weakness, and the Lord thy God shall lead thee,
Shall lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers.
Be thou humble in thy pleading, and the Lord thy God shall bless thee,
Shall bless thee with a sweet and calm assurance that he cares.
Its been a while since I have been online. My husband got a new job and having the kids full time for the summer is always a challange.

So I have had a series of events that have really shook my faith.
One is to have had my husband be accused of inappropreiate behavior with a child. Nothing is really settled. Not like you can "prove" it happened.
The second is that I am wearing down with all the manipulation that goes on. I never know if my husband has dumb luck or he is manipulating me. I really used to be able to "read" people- I think I barely know him anymore.

Also there has been some family issues. But really it alls comes down to me being scared to file for divorce. I have talked to some lawyers and they all say my husband would get at least minimal parental rights. The courts do not work in favor of the kids for sure. I can't find a lawyer I like. Is that a sign?

Comments:

Yes, it is a sign to keep looking.    
"I'm sorry for what you are going through. I really don't believe in dumb luck but I don't envy your decision. Please know that my thoughts are with you as you carefully consider this. Just know that even though it is terrifying, there is life after divorce if that is the route you go. Please don't feel dutifully obligated to stay in an abusive relationship or one that puts your safety at risk."
posted at 02:28:26 on July 8, 2011 by Anonymous
Faith    
"If you have to wonder if you are being manipulated, then you are being manipulated.

I used to feel like I could read people too...but now I am just depending on the Lord to read people for me and get His answers. Don't trust your husband. Trust God.

I have often said outside of the situation of my husbands SA that everytime I made a decision prompted by fear, I made the wrong one. Every single time. When we act out of fear, our actions become corrosive to our soul. When I act to protect myself (and yes I believe there is a big difference of intention here though at first it seems like there isn't at first glance) it is an act of COURAGE.

If I see myself responding to something out of fear, I stop and re-evaluate. I always end up self correcting at that point. I used to be AFRAID to leave my husband. Now I am not afraid of it anymore. I have no left him, because it doesn't seem to be the right time for that. Through prayers I have felt that I should be here, but as my dependency on the Lord increases, I find that my fear disappears. I could leave him tomorrow if the Lord told me to. Pain and difficulty doesn't scare me the way it used to.

Like Anon said, Do not, do not, do not put yourself in a position where you or your kids are at risk. Whether you stay or whether you go, you will be taking that 'step into the dark', but do not be afraid of anything 'man'/the world can do. You are in God's arms. Just do what He tells you to do."
posted at 06:08:07 on July 8, 2011 by maddy
FAITH21    
"I hope you don't mind but I read some of your older posts. You and I have two things in common our husbands have a major mental illness (bipolar) and an addiction (porn). I like you have been afraid to leave my husband. I will pray for you that you will find the right divorce lawyer and pray for you that your children will be safe. I wish there was a chat room on this blog because I think you and I would be able to comfort each other, and I think we could be there for eachother. I wish I could give you a hug right now!!!!"
posted at 23:38:51 on July 8, 2011 by MOMOF5


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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004