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I Am A Sexaholic (SA White Book)
By they speak
7/7/2011 2:39:13 PM
Job 12:7 — But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee:

Job 12:8 — Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee.

Job 12:9 — Who knoweth not in all these that the hand of the LORD hath wrought this?

Job 12:10 — In whose hand is the soul of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind.

I know it's kind of long and if you're ADD like me and usually skip long ones even when I want to read them and know I should then at the bottom the main idea is underlined and I made a brief note.

"I Am a Sexaholic"

Experience has shown us that the public aspect of surrender is crucial. It seems surrender is never complete until it is brought out into the open, into the company of others. This is the great test that separates wishers and whiners from doers.
"It's as though I was not really willing to put it down until I brought it out before others who were putting theirs down. Making others a part of my surrender helped me be honest with it."
What is this public aspect of surrender? First, it is being able to acknowledge what we are. It takes some of us weeks or months of coming to meetings before we can realize it at depth and say from the inside, "I am a sexaholic." Others seem to freely acknowledge this immediately.
Next, we start talking honestly about ourselves; first, what we've done and thought in the lust, sex, and relationship area. Then, gradually, as more is revealed, we talk about our other defects. Typically, these are revealed progressively over time. It's as though we can't see the full extent of the power our sexaholism has over us without first making a start at sharing it in the fellowship. Then we begin to see and disclose more as we become part of the progressive honesty and self- disclosure of others.
A trust begins to develop as we see that nothing is being held against us and that others are just like we are--or worse off. Trust deepens as we become mutually vulnerable by leading with our weaknesses. Leading with our weaknesses becomes the point of identification and union with each other. And it seems someone's self-disclosure has to start it off. Someone takes the risk because he or she has to, the pain is so bad. This helps us pull away the curtain concealing the truth of our own lives and encourages our own self-disclosure. The honesty of one encourages the honesty of others, as though we'd all been waiting for just such a fellowship where we could be on the outside what we really were on the inside all along.
All this takes time. We didn't get here in a day. But before we know it, there is shared honesty and mutual vulnerability. This is the breakthrough entrance into the Program that will open the way into the healing power of the Steps. And this is why there must be those in our meetings who are hurting or who have hurt badly enough to break through into true honesty and surrender. This lends power to the meeting, and the spiritual unity and effectiveness of the group are enhanced.
With an in-depth realization of what we really are and a willingness to reveal the truth about ourselves to other members, we can connect with recovery. When we begin telling it like it really is, and was, from the inside out, we become part of. The spiritual Connection begins here-by first disconnecting from what we did. And we disconnect from it by sending it away from us as we tell it. This is the point of breakthrough.
The essence of effective sharing is that we want to be done with our sexual and other wrongs and are sending them away. Mere catharsis or even honest self-disclosure misses the mark if that's all it is. The aim is to bring our diseased attitudes and misdeeds to the light of others and God to be done with them. When it comes from such an attitude, sharing becomes a liberating and life-giving experience.
This is why "telling all" is not taking the First Step. Such confession can be anything from boastful replay to anguished dumping or intellectual analysis. And even then, it's not really "all" and often is only surface material. In truth, we don't "take" the First Step; it takes us. It overtakes us. And if it hasn't yet, hopefully it will. The sickness and punishment sexaholism produces inside us keep pounding us until we're ready to give up, let go, and know we are powerless over lust.
pg. 85,86,87

I don't know that I ever really understood the real working part of a meeting. The surrender and sending away of my addiction and defects. For me it was probably mostly just as they described; a boastful replay or anguished dumping and then I'd imagine usually an intellectual analysis. Complete missing of the mark. I don't know this one really stood out to me. I made a wallet sized copy of that last 2 paragraphs. I believe I will get a great deal more out of meetings.
What hit me, emotionally/spiritually, the most is how the first step takes us. No matter how I tried in recovery it wasn't until I was finally pounded enough that step one really took me - through and through.

p.s. The scripture has nothing to do with anything. Just a little shout out to the good Lord for being super radical! What an awesome God! God of wonders...

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