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"Be clean, and change your garments"
By ConfidenceIn
7/1/2011 4:33:00 PM
Genesis 35:2 — Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that were with him, Put away the strange gods that are among you, and be clean, and change your garments:
Change is hard!

I have been hurt so much by my SA husband's actions (again) that my body has been affected by losing weight over the weekend, had insomnia, been sick to my stomach, my cognitive abilities are shot, I have many more aches/pains, my voice started to disappear and feel weird, my eye twitches, I have a weird pain in my stomach, and other things. Of course psychologically I'm a mess.

I don't want to beat this right now. I mean, I do, but I don't (if that makes sense).

I stand up with him one second or day, and the next day I'm so devastated and can get angry.

But, I have the spirit enough to know that I need to "Put away the strange gods that are among ME, and be clean, and change MY garments."

It's just unreal to me that not only does my SA have a problem that he's not combated seriously in the past, and I have to deal with the lies and the deeper lies, and the lies within lies... But... *I* have my own things I need to work on. Starting with wanting to forgive him AGAIN. Also, of course, to figure out how much I've hurt myself as a healthy person. That hurts too.

Not only do I deserve to see my husband put the Armor of God on himself to combat lust, infidelity and porn, I deserve to see myself do the same for myself to fight my vices.

Heavenly Father provided a Savior, brother and friend for us here on earth. He provided us with the Spirit to lead, guide and direct. I have and will feel his peace. I will feel his peace in regards to my husband's accountability to his actions and I will know that I do not own any of his actions (or lack thereof). It's not my fault.

I do KNOW these things, but I'm not ACCEPTING it yet.

I need to put away the strange gods I have among me and be clean, and change my garments.

Comments:

You are doing step 1    
"Where is your husband with this? In denial land? It's like living with a smoker. I hate kissing an ash tray. I am the SA in recovery, I am the Patriarch in my family. I exercise the Priesthood of Gentle Authority. I work the AR 12 step program religiously and am now serving in the program. My personal notes at the back of each step chapter are private and personal and my wife respects that. I had her help me on a few steps because I knew that I was in denial and I also know that the Lord has endowed his daughters with a higher degree of discernment and intuition that we men can only hope for. My wife has been a blessing to me. I never want to hurt her or demean her. Here is the rub: (no pun intended) I AM IN RECOVERY, I HAVE BEEN RESTORED AND REDEEMED BY MY SAVIOR. Yet like Nephi I have to say "Oh wretched man that I am." I still have blood in my veins with male hormones. My neurons that were programed with porn are still there and every once in a while they start firing at random. When my wife and I make love I have flash backs or urges that just don''t fit the Celestial mold. The Lord created us to have a face to face relationship, with one spouse who has also dedicated herself to me. I will be held accountable for how I treat my spouse. HEAVEN HELP ME IF I CAUSE MY WIFE TO FALL INTO SIN BECAUSE OF MY ACTIONS. It will be far more tolerable for her then it will be for me.

What to do: my opinion is that you both need professional counseling and you both need to be in the AR 12 step program and...AND set the Temple as your goal.

I think that you both have a lot going for each other and you both have a life time to enjoy each other in physical intimacy and love. It's well worth it. No sad faces here. No Victorian prudes either."
posted at 23:45:43 on July 1, 2011 by 3R's


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"Are you battling a demon of addiction—tobacco or drugs, or the pernicious contemporary plague of ography? Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven’s promises. In that regard Alma's testimony is my testimony: "I do know," he says, "that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions."

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006