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my head spins at times.
By taintedlove
6/26/2011 9:37:22 PM
I hold everything in. I want let it go but when i think i have it trickles out. I walk around wounded and tired. I act indifferent but want people to care. But when they do i push away. I always push away. People telling they love me ..... angers me. I always expect the worst. Even when things are good i know itll end up bad. So i wait for it.

I release some of that in sex/mb. Then regret comes and i feel worse so i close off even more. I used to be able to engage with someone and close it all off. Those times i engaged in sex or whatnot i would do the deed and leave right after without a word or i would leave when the person was sleeping. The guys i did that to were confused. Ive broken hearts.
I know guys that have done what ive done. Females normally want emotions. Im different.

Its more difficult now to not feel bad about those things. Maybe its because i joined the church 2 years ago. But mentally i still dont expect much from men. I cut myself off. When things to trickle out i convert them from sadnes to anger.

I need help.
I need to try to speak out loud.
I need to speak to God.
I need to speak to bishop.

Comments:

THIS is crazy....    
"how much i can relate this is exactly like me i hold my feelings but at the same time i want people to know and feel sorry for me.Even when things go good i know they're going to end bad.

This is bad we have to be optimistic even if it ends bad,and trust me i learned
mb and watching prn doesn't do anything but make it worse.

This is where you can speak out loud show all what you are feeling
speak to god trust me hes always listening
speak to bishop its the best thing to do i know its scary but i did it you can do it to
GOODLUCK!"
posted at 20:01:33 on June 28, 2011 by Teddy


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