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things are supposed to be good.
By taintedlove
6/21/2011 11:01:06 PM
But inside i feel like crap

Have any of you seen the movie Why Did I Get Married and Why Did I Get Married Too. Theres a scene in one of them where Janet Jackson is extremely distraught and inside thats how i feel. But life is suppose to be getting better for me.

I hold alot in. To the point that it starts trickling out. But it turns into anger. But really i want to cry. Not even self gratification is helping as a release. Nor is any other activity that i normally use.

I remember cutting myself as a teen. And as i got older i stopped. I used to have really long hair because if my old religion (even now i feel females should have longish hair) but ive cut it all off. I think of self mutilation again. Suicide plays in my mind. The only thing that kept me from that is that my family cant afford a funeral. Plus i dont know who'd show up. Not many im guessing. Ive pulled so far away.

Its funny though... when i do break down and cry.... i feel nothing. Or nothing that im really needing.

Ive lost me

Where are you?

Jezebel?
Gomer?
Mary Magdalene?
Am i not at least the 1st two.. where am i? I cant feel. God i scream for you at times. I dont feel you.

Comments:

So Sorry!!    
"Again I wish we lived close together. I'd love to visit with you. Hang in there! It will get better.

If you can find a way to cry, that would be helpful for you. Is there a song or movie that makes you cry? Holding in your emotions isn't good. I get that that is easier said than done. I struggle with that as well. I hold everything in until I explode (which usually includes acting out).

Don't cut yourself or kill yourself. You are worth so much more. You are a good person. It's hard when you feel like you're feeling. We all just have to hang in there."
posted at 23:34:47 on June 21, 2011 by dstanley


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"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990