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things are supposed to be good.
By taintedlove
6/21/2011 11:01:06 PM
But inside i feel like crap

Have any of you seen the movie Why Did I Get Married and Why Did I Get Married Too. Theres a scene in one of them where Janet Jackson is extremely distraught and inside thats how i feel. But life is suppose to be getting better for me.

I hold alot in. To the point that it starts trickling out. But it turns into anger. But really i want to cry. Not even self gratification is helping as a release. Nor is any other activity that i normally use.

I remember cutting myself as a teen. And as i got older i stopped. I used to have really long hair because if my old religion (even now i feel females should have longish hair) but ive cut it all off. I think of self mutilation again. Suicide plays in my mind. The only thing that kept me from that is that my family cant afford a funeral. Plus i dont know who'd show up. Not many im guessing. Ive pulled so far away.

Its funny though... when i do break down and cry.... i feel nothing. Or nothing that im really needing.

Ive lost me

Where are you?

Jezebel?
Gomer?
Mary Magdalene?
Am i not at least the 1st two.. where am i? I cant feel. God i scream for you at times. I dont feel you.

Comments:

So Sorry!!    
"Again I wish we lived close together. I'd love to visit with you. Hang in there! It will get better.

If you can find a way to cry, that would be helpful for you. Is there a song or movie that makes you cry? Holding in your emotions isn't good. I get that that is easier said than done. I struggle with that as well. I hold everything in until I explode (which usually includes acting out).

Don't cut yourself or kill yourself. You are worth so much more. You are a good person. It's hard when you feel like you're feeling. We all just have to hang in there."
posted at 23:34:47 on June 21, 2011 by dstanley


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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004