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things are supposed to be good.
By taintedlove
6/21/2011 11:01:06 PM
But inside i feel like crap

Have any of you seen the movie Why Did I Get Married and Why Did I Get Married Too. Theres a scene in one of them where Janet Jackson is extremely distraught and inside thats how i feel. But life is suppose to be getting better for me.

I hold alot in. To the point that it starts trickling out. But it turns into anger. But really i want to cry. Not even self gratification is helping as a release. Nor is any other activity that i normally use.

I remember cutting myself as a teen. And as i got older i stopped. I used to have really long hair because if my old religion (even now i feel females should have longish hair) but ive cut it all off. I think of self mutilation again. Suicide plays in my mind. The only thing that kept me from that is that my family cant afford a funeral. Plus i dont know who'd show up. Not many im guessing. Ive pulled so far away.

Its funny though... when i do break down and cry.... i feel nothing. Or nothing that im really needing.

Ive lost me

Where are you?

Jezebel?
Gomer?
Mary Magdalene?
Am i not at least the 1st two.. where am i? I cant feel. God i scream for you at times. I dont feel you.

Comments:

So Sorry!!    
"Again I wish we lived close together. I'd love to visit with you. Hang in there! It will get better.

If you can find a way to cry, that would be helpful for you. Is there a song or movie that makes you cry? Holding in your emotions isn't good. I get that that is easier said than done. I struggle with that as well. I hold everything in until I explode (which usually includes acting out).

Don't cut yourself or kill yourself. You are worth so much more. You are a good person. It's hard when you feel like you're feeling. We all just have to hang in there."
posted at 23:34:47 on June 21, 2011 by dstanley


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"My spiritual prescription includes six choices which I shall list alphabetically, A through F:
  • Choose to Be Alive
  • Choose to Believe
  • Choose to Change
  • Choose to Be Different
  • Choose to Exercise
  • Choose to Be Free "

    — Russell M. Nelson

    General Conference, October 1988