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im the odd one!
By taintedlove
6/9/2011 10:00:30 PM
I read some the posts here and I see that I am the odd one. I see some of you guys going days, weeks, or even months without a relapse and then *bam* you fall. Me, I cant even get through 1 freaking day. And now that im in arp I feel like things are getting worse. I DO want to do better. But how can I? Its extremely hard for me to pray. Of course I dont feel the spirit. Im constantly battling from within. I tired. Im angry. Im sad. I hate myself. I fall multiple times a DAY with my addiction. I dont understand. Why am I here now? I wonder if I would have been the same when Jesus walked this earth. Would I have been like Mary Magdalene? Changed forever by the simple kindness and love from our savior?

I want God's redeeming love to overtake me. I want to feel power thay He is mighty to save me. Im working on saving myself. Im going to arp. I have open up a little there. But i take things differently than others. I battle from within about saying too much.

MY GOD HELP ME PLEASE. i want to feel you. Show me that im worth it because i dont feel like i am.

Comments:

You're Not Odd    
"I've been where you are. I used to slip multiple times a day (and still do sometimes). It is hard for me to pray sometimes even still. Last night I didn't want to pray, but I've quit expecting a "perfect prayer" and decided that if all I can muster is "God please help me", that's a prayer. You can do better and you WILL do better. You just have to keep trying. ARP is one step. Have you considered counseling? Coming here is great too. Hang in there!
D"
posted at 00:33:54 on June 10, 2011 by dstanley
Hold on    
"I was so touched by your post that I went and read it to my husband. I don't share things from this website with him because it is my 'safe place' without him right now. But when I read your words my whole heart just wanted to help you...

When I read it to my husband, he quietly said, "Yea, I know what that is like."

Don't loose hope. Just keep making baby steps forward. God will help you."
posted at 09:26:22 on June 10, 2011 by maddy
Be Patient....    
"I agree with DSTANLEY, coming here is a step in the right direction. You will find that it is a combination of many things that will eventually get you going to where you need to be. ARP or even a PASG if you can find one. Step 5 is confession....Don't just talk to your Bishop, but confide in a good friend that you trust. I found that the more people I could confide in, the more I felt like I could talk to them when I was hurting. Get counseling, and be aware of your triggers..Have you heard of HALTS? Knowing what your triggers are may help you stay away from situations that will be tempting to act out.
We've ALL been where you are and it's a SLOW process to start. Once you get going, you'll find that you will need to use all the tools you can and immerse yourself in it. I have found several podcasts helpful as well. I listen to them as I drive. www.porntopurity.com
Don't be afraid to be broken...it's not permanent. As Latter Day Saints we spend so much time trying to BE perfect, we sometimes forget that we are NOT. We are here to help you."
posted at 11:20:11 on June 10, 2011 by chefdalet
First cast Satan out!    
"First things first. Old horny head is going to work overtime on any one who is trying to escape his influence. Just say, " In the name of Jesus Christ, Satan and all your Angels get out.". You might have to say it over several times. Pray first. Pray for the Spirit to be with you. Remember Christ is the most powerful. Believe in Him. He is your Hero, He is the one who will wrap you in His arms and embrace all that you are with His all consuming love. Only He is able to make all our broken pieces fit back together. Jesus is and will be there for you. Call Him out, You have to call Him. He will not force Himself upon you. Only Satan does that. Get Satan out by using the Devine power of your Older Brother who is just waiting in the corner, and when invited by you, will score the knock out just by stepping in the ring.

Then you can start healing. Then you will be able to breath. Then you will feel again. Then you will be able to take all those pains and give them to your Hero! Your Older Brother Jesus
Christ. You can let Him
carry that back pack you have been afraid to put down. You can tell Him
all those secrets, you are carrying in that pack, that are keeping you sick. Secrets are what make people sick. Keep them sick. Secrets reinforce shame and shame is a tool of Satan. Remorse brings us to repentance. To be sorry, not only for ourselves but for others whom we may have harmed along our way.

You can do it. You are one strong chick. You are going to win with your Big Brother at your side. We are cheering for you. We not only have confidence in you because you are our sister and we know your Devine worth, but we know our Big Brother is one Bad A. He never fails when we ask Him for His help. NEVER! He will never let you down.
Love and prayers,"
posted at 12:09:54 on June 10, 2011 by Hero


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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990