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Bad Week
By Zero
5/25/2011 9:25:19 PM
I don't know what's going on with me, but the past week or so has been awful. I feel like I can't do anything right. I've been acting out several times. I'm growing apathetic and can't really see the point of continuing on. I feel irritable more often. I'm go through being up and down several times in a single day. I can't see myself ever recovering from my addiction. I want so badly to have a family of my own one day, but I refuse to bring my addiction into the situation so I've decided against even attempting to get married and have a family until I can be sure that I'm forever free.

I just don't know if that day will ever come.

Life is too hectic. There's too much going on. Everyone expects too much from you. Go to school. Get a job. Date. Get married. Pay your bills. Be happy and smile all the time. Keep the house clean. Go to church. Read your scriptures. Give service. And don't you dare get stressed about it because that means you're doing it wrong. But I can't do all of that. I can barely do just a few of those things at the same time without getting overwhelmed. I want to be a kid again, back when life was simple. Where's the 'reset' button?

Despite feeling this way, I signed up for the Candeo program last night. Maybe some of you have heard of it. It's on online program to help people with sexual addictions. It's like a course that you go through and has all these tools to help you through it. Kinda cool. It costs a monthly fee, but $47 isn't too much to ask for freedom from bondage. Anyway, if anyone wants to check it out, the website is candeohealthysexuality.com. I have to get some sort of help, some sort of accountability. This is the best I can do for now.

Comments:

Re: Bad Week    
"Zero,

That day will come! You are doing the right thing by seeking out help. I was caught in my addiction from my wife three different times in our marriage. I regret now not being the one to seek out help and that she was the one that found out. I found that my shame buried me alive. I have attended the LDS Addiction Recovery meetings and those seemed to help me. One of the best things that has helped me so far is actually working with a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT). I am not sure if you addiction is pornography/sex. It has been a true sacrifice for me to see this therapist. My options where either I get help or my marriage ends. I choice to get help. It was not, is not, and will not be easy. In fact, it is the hardest trial of my life. The core of my addiction was dishonesty and keeping secrets. I have to drive an hour each week to go to my sessions and they are $75 a session. I have been unemployed for over 6 months and it has been a sacrifice to come up with that money. But I can tell you as a witness that the Lord has provided a way for me to do this. It have proven to be a very healing process for me.

I admire that you want to get help. I am trying to do more online support groups as I have not been very active in doing so.

Take care and may God bless you in your road to recovery!"
posted at 21:39:41 on May 25, 2011 by hrs7747


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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004