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I wish I didn't want to MB
By dstanley
5/13/2011 11:38:45 PM
but I'm struggling right now. My urges are high. My counselor asked me to work hard this week on staying sober. I'm trying, but I sort of have that feeling that I'm fighting a losing battle, like I'm doomed to slip.

Comments:

victory    
"Take a shower, go for a run. do something to calm the nerves. Don't lose this battle, make it a victory for both you and your children."
posted at 00:27:51 on May 14, 2011 by rachp
Not sure what else to try    
"I already did some mowing. Can't run because the baby's in bed, and showering would be bad. I know there's got to be something. I just feel like I'm screwed. I really should probably just go to bed, I'm just not sure I can fall asleep fast enough."
posted at 00:39:31 on May 14, 2011 by dstanley
read    
"a book. not neccessarily scriptures, just anything to help you get a little more tired."
posted at 00:44:36 on May 14, 2011 by Anonymous
WooHoo!    
"I made it. I fell asleep. I stayed away from the borderline behaviors too. Now to get through Day 5."
posted at 10:42:53 on May 14, 2011 by dstanley
victory one more time!    
"way to go Dstanley! One more victory!!"
posted at 13:46:33 on May 14, 2011 by rachp
Now for the next battle    
"Here we go again. I'm depressed and frustrated. I failed my motorcycle driving test this morning. I came home and mowed my lawn, but I'm not sure it helped much. I got the diaper bag ready for tomorrow and got my tithing ready so I won't have any excuses to miss church tomorrow. I've missed the last 3 weeks. I don't want to miss a fourth, but I also know it would be easy to find an excuse to not go. I'm going to try and do some journaling. I'm a little scared though. I'm worried it will lead to a slip, but I know that continuing to try and stay numb will too."
posted at 22:23:03 on May 14, 2011 by dstanley
Always a Fight    
"I hear ya. Now that I'm off the p~rn, it's like the devil's minions have decided to bombard me with the temptation to m~sturbate pretty much all the time. It doesn't seem to matter where I am or what time it is. I can't get it out of my mind these days. Not sure what to do.

Hope you got to church. I wussed out myself. Wasn't really up to dealing with people and pasting on that smile. *sigh* When does it end? Sometimes I want to give up, but what else is there to do except keep going? Anyway, hope your day went well."
posted at 23:41:53 on May 15, 2011 by Zero
Did you make it?    
"Did you make it to church? I sure hope you did. I debated about not staying for Sacrament meeting, but a friend convinced me I needed to stay. I was so thankful I did. I felt the Spirit for the first time in a really long time."
posted at 20:38:45 on May 16, 2011 by want2change
Thanks for Asking    
"I made it to church. I'm glad that I went. I don't feel like I got a lot out of it because of my almost 1.5 year old (2 more weeks until Nursery!!), but I know it was the right thing to do.

Zero - I know how it is to not want to go and paste on a smile. I've wussed out many times too. I wish I knew how to get mb out of your head. I have that problem sometimes too. I wonder too when it will end, but I agree, there isn't much choice but to keep going. I can't give up on recovery, as much as I want to some times."
posted at 23:01:52 on May 16, 2011 by dstanley
Awesome    
"Good for you, DStanley. Sometimes just being in church is enough. I think that proves to the Lord that we're willing, even if we don't feel like being there. I think there are still blessings for you for going, even if you didn't get much out of it."
posted at 23:55:45 on May 16, 2011 by Zero


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" Is it possible to reclaim a life that through reckless abandon has become so strewn with garbage that it appears that the person is unforgivable? Or what about the one who is making an honest effort but has fallen back into sin so many times that he feels that there is no possible way to break the seemingly endless pattern? Or what about the person who has changed his life but just can't forgive himself?The Atonement of Jesus Christ is available to each of us. His Atonement is infinite. It applies to everyone, even you. It can clean, reclaim, and sanctify even you. That is what infinite means—total, complete, all, forever. "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006