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I wish I didn't want to MB
By dstanley
5/13/2011 11:38:45 PM
but I'm struggling right now. My urges are high. My counselor asked me to work hard this week on staying sober. I'm trying, but I sort of have that feeling that I'm fighting a losing battle, like I'm doomed to slip.

Comments:

victory    
"Take a shower, go for a run. do something to calm the nerves. Don't lose this battle, make it a victory for both you and your children."
posted at 00:27:51 on May 14, 2011 by rachp
Not sure what else to try    
"I already did some mowing. Can't run because the baby's in bed, and showering would be bad. I know there's got to be something. I just feel like I'm screwed. I really should probably just go to bed, I'm just not sure I can fall asleep fast enough."
posted at 00:39:31 on May 14, 2011 by dstanley
read    
"a book. not neccessarily scriptures, just anything to help you get a little more tired."
posted at 00:44:36 on May 14, 2011 by Anonymous
WooHoo!    
"I made it. I fell asleep. I stayed away from the borderline behaviors too. Now to get through Day 5."
posted at 10:42:53 on May 14, 2011 by dstanley
victory one more time!    
"way to go Dstanley! One more victory!!"
posted at 13:46:33 on May 14, 2011 by rachp
Now for the next battle    
"Here we go again. I'm depressed and frustrated. I failed my motorcycle driving test this morning. I came home and mowed my lawn, but I'm not sure it helped much. I got the diaper bag ready for tomorrow and got my tithing ready so I won't have any excuses to miss church tomorrow. I've missed the last 3 weeks. I don't want to miss a fourth, but I also know it would be easy to find an excuse to not go. I'm going to try and do some journaling. I'm a little scared though. I'm worried it will lead to a slip, but I know that continuing to try and stay numb will too."
posted at 22:23:03 on May 14, 2011 by dstanley
Always a Fight    
"I hear ya. Now that I'm off the p~rn, it's like the devil's minions have decided to bombard me with the temptation to m~sturbate pretty much all the time. It doesn't seem to matter where I am or what time it is. I can't get it out of my mind these days. Not sure what to do.

Hope you got to church. I wussed out myself. Wasn't really up to dealing with people and pasting on that smile. *sigh* When does it end? Sometimes I want to give up, but what else is there to do except keep going? Anyway, hope your day went well."
posted at 23:41:53 on May 15, 2011 by Zero
Did you make it?    
"Did you make it to church? I sure hope you did. I debated about not staying for Sacrament meeting, but a friend convinced me I needed to stay. I was so thankful I did. I felt the Spirit for the first time in a really long time."
posted at 20:38:45 on May 16, 2011 by want2change
Thanks for Asking    
"I made it to church. I'm glad that I went. I don't feel like I got a lot out of it because of my almost 1.5 year old (2 more weeks until Nursery!!), but I know it was the right thing to do.

Zero - I know how it is to not want to go and paste on a smile. I've wussed out many times too. I wish I knew how to get mb out of your head. I have that problem sometimes too. I wonder too when it will end, but I agree, there isn't much choice but to keep going. I can't give up on recovery, as much as I want to some times."
posted at 23:01:52 on May 16, 2011 by dstanley
Awesome    
"Good for you, DStanley. Sometimes just being in church is enough. I think that proves to the Lord that we're willing, even if we don't feel like being there. I think there are still blessings for you for going, even if you didn't get much out of it."
posted at 23:55:45 on May 16, 2011 by Zero


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