That "M" Word
By Zero
5/5/2011 1:45:16 AM
I just can't seem to kick this addiction. It's Day 101 for me in my freedom from p~rnography, but Day 1 from m~sturbation. *sigh* I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself. After all, I've lived half of my life with m~sturbation (discovered it when I was 12, but really started when I was 13...I'm now 26). I guess it's just something that's so routine to me that I don't remember what it's like to live not doing it.

Is it that way for anyone else? Does anyone struggle with this as much as me? I inevitably start to tell myself that it's "not that bad" and "every other guy does it" and pretty soon I'm doing it again. And then I feel dirty and wish I hadn't. And then time passes and I'm suddenly okay with it again. What's the deal?! This must be the best-tasting vomit ever because I can't help but keep returning to it. (Sorry for the gross imagery)

Even now, knowing how I feel afterwards, I want to give in. Even knowing that it will only keep me in my addictive ways, I want to give in. I wish I could understand why. The desire does come more often when I'm feeling low, but I've been feeling rather happy lately and I want to do it. I don't get it.

What are the ways you guys/girls keep yourselves from giving in? Are there any here who have successfully given up m~sturbation? If so, how'd you do it? I'd love any good advice (but not the usual pray, read your scriptures stuff, because I know all that and I do all that). I guess I'm mostly curious if there was anything unique you do or have done to keep yourself from doing it?


"i know what you mean i've done it so many times that its like a routine and thats exectly what an addiction is kinda sounds like a drug doesn't it?

I mostly do it when i was unhappy too but i don't get why when i was happy i did it but it doesn't matter we shouldn't do it all around no matter if were sad or happy.

I think we all struggle as much i mean i cant even go through a day without thinking about it but i try to fight it i try to think about how happier i'll be that i didn't do it at the end of the day.Well i guess my way is listening to music a lot hymns or anything you like (just make sure it's not bad) my favorite thing to listen to is slow rock i get so into it my bad thoughts go away.You can also do what i do think of someone you love so much and know that that person wouldn't want you to do this if you can't think of someone think of god he loves you very much i wish you luck brother be strong."
posted at 08:23:03 on May 5, 2011 by Teddy
The unique thing    
"The answer, my friend, is choice.

I have struggled with masturbation for almost 4 decades. I feel completely free from it today. It is a bit baffling to me how God freed me from it, but the crucial thing is that He allows me my free agency. I repeat over and over again affirmations and promises that I am going to stop, but it was never true. I told other people. I made promises to God. I read my scriptures and prayed every day, but still kept doing it. My actions speak louder than words, and I just had it hit me yesterday with such deep profundity and sacredness that 21 days ago, I chose to stop. Never before had I chosen that. I always had a tiny inkling, somewhere hidden deep in a dark part of my mind or soul that someday, sometime, there was a remote possibility that I maybe perhaps might turn back to it. I had formed premeditated excuses. They say in AA that if there is such a small inkling that we might turn back to our addictions, WE WILL, period. I don't know how God has done it, but after over 15 months of working the program, going to meetings, crying my eyes out, confessing to my bishop and many many other confidants, I am no longer a "recovering" addict to masturbation. Thanks to the grace of my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ and His atoning blood, and His honoring my free agency until my will (in this specific matter) became one with His will, I am a completely 100% RECOVERED addict of masturbation.

Now as for the daily scriptures, prayer, meditation, going to church, etc.: if I neglect these, my state of being healed from this addiction will depart from me, for in so neglecting these, I am choosing to return. My addiction is a disease, and that disease is like a cancer. Right now, today, my cancer is in 100% remission."
posted at 10:09:01 on May 5, 2011 by lawrence
Good Thoughts    
"@Teddy, yeah I really get into my music too so that's a good idea. And I do notice that spiritual music helps a lot. I just wish I felt more like listening to it when I needed it the most, when I'm being tempted.

@Lawrence, I like your thought. It is a choice. I think there's still some part of me that likes it too much to let go. I mean...I've "made the choice" before to never do it again, but I guess there was still a little bit that hadn't let go of it. Any tips on how to get to that point? Oh, and congrats on finally breaking free after all that time. I pray your journey will continue clean."
posted at 15:52:46 on May 6, 2011 by Zero
No Super Advice    
"It's hard. Keep trying. You'll find what works for you."
posted at 22:58:27 on May 8, 2011 by dstanley
"Thanks, DStanley. I'm still struggling, but I have a positive attitude right now and I'm doing my best to move forward. Much better than backwards."
posted at 00:22:02 on May 10, 2011 by Zero
"Like I said, I am a bit baffled by this, but still, after nearly 4 weeks, I am completely over it. I am working now with the Savior on letting go of the very desire itself of lust. He will take it away as long as I willingly give it.

My advice on tips would be to go to meetings, even if others aren't giving their sobriety date, be bold and give yours every time, even if you did it 7 times that week. Get it out of the shadows and admit it to your 12 step brothers. Use any and all other accountability partners that you can including your bishop, parents, trusted friend, etc. Without going to meetings (and continuing) I couldn't have done it. Also, never neglect all of the other "dailies": attend church, take the sacrament (with approval from bishop), write in the LDS Family Service's A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing EVERY DAY, keep a recovery journal, study the scriptures deeply (pick a verse and write it out with your name in it; "capture" all of your feelings and revelations that God will give you about it, and meditate on it all day long), don't fight with satan--turn that over to Jesus each and every time (you won't win, let him fight it for you--He has promised this in the scriptures.) There is so much more, but I am afraid there is no magic pill. I believe the Savior created a magic pill for me, but it won't work for anyone else. Work with Him. Talk to Him. Write down what He says to you. Pray to the Father in the name of Christ, but also commune with Jesus and receive revelation from Him, and record it in your journal and review it from time to time. With Jesus fighting your battles, you can relax considerably and focus on what is really important in your life, including and especially your personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Best Wishes."
posted at 11:13:45 on May 11, 2011 by lawrence
"I get where you're coming from, Lawrence. I think everyone's hesitancy and "nay-saying" is because we've all felt like we've been at that place you're at now. We've stood tall and said, "I'm free. I'm not ever going back to that. I don't even want it." And a week later we're back in the filthy pit of sin. I think, as long as you're trusting God and remaining humble, striving to keep the commandments, etc., then you're right. You won't have a problem with it.

My real obstacle is getting over wanting m~sturbation. There's still a part of me that enjoys it too much. It's just a simple thing the carnal part of me is adamant that it's not that bad, despite all the spiritual evidence to the contrary. How do I stop wanting it? That's the one thing that would help me to know.

As for the whole communing with Jesus thing, I have a big question on that--is that okay? I mean, what I've always been taught is that we commune with Heavenly Father through Jesus, and any other way is incorrect. How do I commune with Jesus? I'm not saying you're wrong, I just don't really understand that. Hmm. I'll have to look more into it."
posted at 01:20:01 on May 12, 2011 by Zero
Talk to Jesus    
"I know. It seems weird to talk to Jesus. In Clean Hands, Pure Heart by Philip Harrison, he explains it very well pages 257-264. It is also in He Did Deliver Me From Bondage by Colleen Harrison. That was the book the church used for 10 years before it published LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Program, A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing.

Here are the times when the voice of the Father was heard on earth (that I know of, in the scriptures)

Matthew 3:16-17

16 And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him:

17 And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

Matthew 17:5

5 While he yet spake, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them: and behold a voice out of the cloud, which said, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased; hear ye him.

3 Nephi 11:7

7 Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.

JS History

It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!

Here is what Joseph Fielding Smith said:

16 – “All revelation since the fall has come through Jesus Christ, who is the Jehovah of the Old Testament. In all of the scriptures, where God is mentioned and where he has appeared, it was Jehovah who talked with Abraham, with Noah, Enoch, Moses and all the prophets. He is the God of Israel, the Holy One of Israel; the one who led that nation out of Egyptian bondage, and who gave and fulfilled the law of Moses. The Father has never dealt with man directly and personally since the fall, and he has never appeared except to introduce and bear record of the Son.” (Joseph Fielding Smith, DS, 1:27)

Elder McConkie stated:

"There is nothing clearer or plainer than this. We pray to the Father, not the Son; but according to the laws of intercession, advocacy, and mediation, our answers come from the Son...
However, righteous persons do have a close, personal relationship with their Savior. It is through him that forgiveness comes. Because of his atonement we may be free from sin. Salvation is in Christ. He pleads our cause. He is our Mediator and Intercessor. And we do and should sing praises to his holy name, as do the angels of God in heaven also...

There is no language of worship and adoration that surpasses the language of prayer. What is more natural than to use the noblest and most perfect expressions utterable by mortal tongues in addressing Him who sits upon the great white throne? It is no wonder, then, that in praising the Lord Jehovah we often do so as though we were addressing him in prayer, even as though we were pleading with him for eternal blessings.", The Promised Messiah, p. 335-6

Nephi’s relationship with Jesus:

2 Nephi 33

6. I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul from hell… 10And now, my beloved brethren, and also Jew, and all ye ends of the earth, hearken unto these words and believe in Christ; and if ye believe not in these words believe in Christ. And if ye shall believe in Christ ye will believe in these words, for they are the words of Christ, and he hath given them unto me; and they teach all men that they should do good.

Moroni said:

Ether 12

39And then shall ye know that I have seen Jesus, and that he hath talked with me face to face, and that he told me in plain humility, even as a man telleth another in mine own language, concerning these things;… 41And now, I would commend you to seek this Jesus of whom the prophets and apostles have written, that the grace of God the Father, and also the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, which beareth record of them, may be and abide in you forever. Amen.

Elder Holland:

“we can be rescued by that same majestic figure, He who bears the only name given under heaven whereby any man or woman can be saved. When confronting our transgressions and our souls are harrowed up with true pain, may we all echo the repentant Alma and utter his life-changing cry: ‘O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me.’” April 2010"
posted at 17:24:36 on May 12, 2011 by lawrence
Here Here, or Here Him    
"one of my favorite bloggers, who no longer blogs here. But he talks so much about wat we're all to scared to talk about. Having a real discussion about this. Hope you guys open your minds up to the world and it's diversity. Simple solutions cannot solve complex problems. (of course the gospel is one exception)"
posted at 01:53:47 on May 11, 2012 by moronidenovo
Sounds easy....    
"For me it is a matter of keeping the brain busy. You are on the right track by eliminating the fantasy from your life. Be aware of HALTS and stop to check your feelings when you are tempted to MB. Work the steps! Live in the open."
posted at 17:51:45 on May 11, 2012 by chefdalet
it's a lot harder than simply choice    
"@chef I agree part of it I keeping yourself busy. When you have too much time on your hands, pardon te pun, you have too much time to think. Then you think about life or things that might arouse you or get depressed. You can't get away from yourself like you can avoid pornography. So this issue has to be tackled differently

. Definitely don't go back to porn from the guilt of masturbation."
posted at 17:04:57 on May 13, 2012 by moronidenovo
it's a lot harder than simply choice    
"@chef I agree part of it I keeping yourself busy. When you have too much time on your hands, pardon te pun, you have too much time to think. Then you think about life or things that might arouse you or get depressed. You can't get away from yourself like you can avoid pornography. So this issue has to be tackled differently

. Definitely don't go back to porn from the guilt of masturbation."
posted at 20:08:19 on May 13, 2012 by moronidenovo
it's a lot harder than simply choice    
"@chef I agree part of it I keeping yourself busy. When you have too much time on your hands, pardon te pun, you have too much time to think. Then you think about life or things that might arouse you or get depressed. You can't get away from yourself like you can avoid pornography. So this issue has to be tackled differently

. Definitely don't go back to porn from the guilt of masturbation."
posted at 20:09:28 on May 13, 2012 by moronidenovo
I'm in the same boat    
"I have lived with it as well for almost 2 decades as well. It's a tough thing to get rid of. It's so normal that it's no big deal (sometimes). And NO, marriage does not cure this, like I've heard before. I still struggle. But you can do it. I agree with the people above who say to stay busy, do the stuff you're supposed to (scriptures, pray, etc). I've noticed that when I get frustrated, or down or my mood is not good, I am more tempted to MB or look at porn. So that's MY weak point. Good luck, you can do it!"
posted at 21:25:08 on May 27, 2012 by asdfjkl1234

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"Now brethren, the time has come for any one of us who is so involved to pull himself out of the mire, to stand above this evil thing, to “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47). We do not have to view salacious magazines. We do not have to read books laden with smut. We do not have to watch television that is beneath wholesome standards. We do not have to rent movies that depict that which is filthy. We do not have to sit at the computer and play with ographic material found on the Internet."

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004