Spouse Recovery Program
By ruggaexpat
4/29/2011 11:33:24 AM
Hey guys I am excited because we are piloting the new spouses program in our area and it is not just wives, but husband and wives in a couples group. I am excited to learn and discover more healing with my wife but excited she can get some of this time for her but I have some concerns that I wish for you to share some of your thoughts on:

For those of you that have done this specific program:

I am concerned a bit because our missionary couple seem to teach the ARP meetings like a Sunday School lesson, there is sharing and stuff but it is less facilitating and more teaching.

My understanding is that they need to facilitate and let people share in a forum style discussion while ensuring we stay on track - Am I right?

The brother does like to speak and he does have a hard time listening and my concern is that this is not a addiction subject it is the opposite and my wife needs to share her feelings and be heard and understood.

We love our missionary couple, really we do, they have been angels but this is not the same thing and surely things run a bit differently in this meeting.

Afterall this is more for the injured than the offender.

How does it run in your guy's meetings?


Similar question...    
"Way to go Rugga Family! While seeking healing yourself you have been and will continue to be an inspiration to and source of healing for others around you!

My thoughts... My wife and I tried to go to a PASG meeting the week after C-Day. We found a babysitter and drove 45 minutes to the building (nearest pasg site) only to find the building locked up and all lights off. She was not very excited to go in the first place and we have not been back since. I have been going to ARP meeting as often as possible (usually about every other week) since C-Day.

In our ARP meetings, the facilitators usually do not say much other than to welcome everyone in, ask someone to open up with prayer, and get us started reading through the 12 steps and the particular chapter we are working on that week. Once the reading is done, the rest of the time is open to sharing. Either the brother or sister will share a short (minute or two) message after everyone else is finished, but they do not say much of anything before that. I guess that is quite different from your experience.

I agree the sharing time is critical. Those emotions have to be opened up and dealt with. It is the only way.

My questions is... how open are your meetings? I often read that people tell their groups when they are struggling or even when their last slip was, but we are instructed to only focus on our successes and positive points of our recoveries. Anyway, I don't really know if that question needs an answer, I'm very happy with the atmosphere and spirit in our meetings, just something I've been wondering about."
posted at 13:07:53 on April 29, 2011 by paul
Yes I relate    
"Our is well sunday schoolish, we get in we read the mission statement every week, then read through the 12 steps summary every week and then onto the lesson:

We take turns reading a paragraph and then discuss the readings, often reading the scriptures. It is free discussion when we want to speak but I can tell you that the elder speaks about 70% of the meeting, sharing his experiences, his advice and really tries to teach us.

I have no problem at all because he has proved to be quite inspired at times but he does more teaching and speaking than facilitating.

It was OK for a while but he has lately been telling people in the group "wait please let me finish", kind of this is my show and I am in charge.

It was then that I thought chill dude this is our meeting!

Anyway I love him and he has become a great friend who really loves us and cares about us and again he was a God send.

This meeting is different and my wifes emotions are more intense than mine in such I meeting because she now has a chance to let us know how she feels and really relive a few things again. As she revisits those feelings I hope we have an environment that will bless her and help her heal.

I decided a few minutes ago to trust the Lord and pray he inspires us all.

Paul we do not tell each other when we acted out, we can say what we want and have not been told to limit only to positive experiences.
I do think though that it is not the place for confession style discussions or heavy details. There must be some sort of openness but I think the value in these meetings is that we can all relate and feel understood and the only way to do so is if we have an environment where we can share real raw feelings if needs be."
posted at 13:36:42 on April 29, 2011 by ruggaexpat
Talk to him!    
"Sometimes it is hard for me to voice my oppinion, but if you feel strongly about your wifes recover and healing, (she has to heal and recover to) then take the time to speek to him in private and let him know how you feel. Show up early and talk to him before or after class. Let him know everything you have expressed here! If he is as close to the spirit as you say the truth will set him free!

Good luck!"
posted at 18:05:50 on April 29, 2011 by 30years
for those outside the area locally...    
"my wife has been wanting to go a group of LDS women that were effected by the choices of their spouses. We live in Canada and there is no group unless we want to drive for about 6-7 hours one way so it is not feasible so can we use teleconference?"
posted at 22:33:43 on April 29, 2011 by Joshua
My Meeting    
"We have a prayer, read the steps and the step we're on, the leader says something briefly, then the time is ours to share, and then the leader closes things up and we have a closing prayer. I'm lucky because our missionary is a recovering addict. We share where we are at, good or bad. We say if we have slipped (if we choose), but it's like here, we don't go into graphic detail. At my last meeting I told of slipping on Easter and how I had let that spiral me downward and how I had been going to have sex instead of going to ARP. It was a great experience for me, both the honesty and the support I got from the rest of the group. The other group I used to go to also had lots of time for sharing, although they were more focused on just sharing the positive things. I think sharing where we are at, good or bad, is important to recovery."
posted at 01:06:39 on May 1, 2011 by dstanley

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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

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General Conference May 1990