this is how im doing........
By teddy
4/28/2011 4:20:06 PM
Hey everyone i haven't been on the site for a while but im back and planning to be active on this site again.

this pass week was hard i fell into mb and watching prn more than one time this Tuesday right before i went to mutual i felt bad but didn't pray i thought god wouldn't listen i mean i just sinned so what does he care what i have to say??? i know i was wrong about that now.Right before i left for mutual something happened in my house it was a big fight and ended up in someone leaving for good.I went to mutual angry!!I saw everyone laughing and having a good time i stormed off into another room with my brother i began to cry and saying "Why when i change for the good why does my life go bad im tired of this at least im trying to change i see people at school doing drugs and having s~x and they have better lifes!!"

he really helped me he told me "Your not suppose to do good because you want something good in return!" he told me "the perfect example was my dad."

my dad has gone through a long rough life he was burned as an adult and was homeless as a child his dad left him when he was very young,and now my dad has diabetes and hepatitis a hard job and doesn't even get paid a lot for doing it but you know what he chooses to do good through all that through his children being bad and leaving the church hes still good hes till trying.

i think different now i will do things because i want to not because i want something.I'm 2 days sober and changed my whole life for the better i feel at peace. :)


This might help!    
"I am not trying to promote this book but today I have talked allot about it. I have struggled with the addiction cycle for 30 years and never found lasting peace until I read this book. It helped my wife understand addiction and healing. It helped my bishop, and several friends, most of all it helped me.

"He Restoreth My Soul" by Dr Hilton
It is written by an LDS brain surgeon who studied the effects of addiction on the brain, and how to heal. It is focused on the spouse of the addict but there is a part for the addict as well. I found it very enlightening about myself. It talks about the cycle of addiction and why we are stuck in a cycle. It also helped me to see the beginnings of the cycle so I could avoid falling into my addictive pattern. The hardest part was the overwhelming withdrawals as I tried to avoid the sin. Now I can see it for what it is, and know it will pass!
I don’t know if this will help you, but after 30 years, this is the first time I have found real peace with myself! It’s still hard sometimes, but endurable.

Welcome back my freind! Our prayers are with you!"
posted at 17:21:49 on April 28, 2011 by 30years
"It's when we don't want to or feel like we can't pray that we most need to pray. Anytime you think you shouldn't pray, for whatever reason, that's Satan and his demons whispering in your ear not to. Don't listen!

I can guarantee you that those kids at school who are into drugs and have s~x don't have better lives than you. The scriptures tell us that 'wickedness never was happiness.' They might seem happy, and they might believe they're happy, but their happiness is ephemeral, meaning it's short-lived and fleeting. It's not a happiness that will ever last. The eternal kind of happiness is only found in the gospel and by keeping the commandments.

It's really easy to compare ourselves to others, but it can be really dangerous. You have to realize that we all have our own unique struggles. What's terribly difficult for one is a piece of cake for another, but what's a piece of cake for you might be a back-breaker for someone else. So don't look to see how you compare to someone else. It's self-defeating. Satan wants you to do that. Rather, look to see if you're on the right path, the straight and narrow path, the one that leads you back to Heavenly Father. No matter where we are along that path, as long as we're on it, we're doing awesome!

In my opinion, you're incredibly brave and really wise to be taking care of this problem at such a young age. I'm not too much older, but I never would have had the guts to come out with such a thing to anyone--family, bishop, etc. In other words, you rock. And I never tell anyone that who doesn't actually rock so don't ever forget it! ;)"
posted at 23:32:33 on April 28, 2011 by Zero
I agree with Zero - brave , wise, you rock!    
"every positive action you take.. you will never regret!
what about trying out a fast... this coming fast sunday.. I mean a full 24 hours, no food/water. I didn't do this very well growing up as a teenager...but I regret it because I didn't learn some of the benefits of it until I was older.

-pleasure is not happiness, and happiness is not peace
-finding recovery gives me peace. I also thankfully was given a few miracles as well.

-BAGGAGE - when kids have sex at a young age.. it messes with their heads and their souls - this means that they get MORE baggage to deal with.. and it makes them harder to trust others.. and harder to find LOVE!
-DISEASES - these happen ALL the time.. with people that sleep around... I knew a guy who decided to have sex just once.. and he ended up getting warts or something.. freaked him out.

-KIDS - what if a girl were to get pregnant? would you be ready to start making payments for the rest of your life... would you be ready for that responsibility?

-REPENTANCE - it's much harder to repent. I like changing/improving.. but I don't really 'enjoy' the repentance process, church courts, etc... you would not be ready to go on a mission.. takes 1 year sometimes before you can be worthy again

-DEVIL - the devil doesn't STOP if you were to sleep around.. he is just getting started... he doesn't fight fair.. he will kick you when you are down... and makes good people who make mistakes give up on GOD, church sometimes for the rest of their lives.

-FUTURE MATE - Imaging being able to give a gift of purity to your future spouse... whenever that will be... Sure porn/mb isn't pure... but I believe you can still say you are a VIRGIN.

-FAMILY - sounds like your family could use a few examples of a hero... you don't have an easy life... but the good work you are doing now as a teenager.. has the potential to pay off for generations.. not just your own life.

-EXAMPLE - kids are watching you right now who you have no idea that are watching you.. i had a friend connect with me on facebook after 15 years.. and said a few nice things... people will always remember you for your strength right now.

-SPIRITUAL WAR - there is a spiritual war going on... and you are winning.. that means that everytime you take on some of the crap you have to take on... the devil and his gang LOSE... he has to allocate more 'troops' over to you and worry about you... because you become more of a threat. I like to think that the more I RECOVER.. the more people I can free from jail.

Last of all... It's not easy Teddy... we've all been there.. and that's why we think you are so cool. because you are facing this head on.... you are a hero and I think we speak for everyone when we say we are rooting for you!!!"
posted at 00:57:50 on April 29, 2011 by gracefull
"the title is "He Restoreth My Soul""
posted at 09:06:59 on April 29, 2011 by lawrence
"thanks lawrence, I appreciate you watchin my back on that!"
posted at 17:47:54 on April 29, 2011 by 30years
"@ZERO:Thank you for those kind words i see what you mean one of those kids in my school his dad was imprisoned for being caught with drugs i saw he was telling everyone but i know inside it hurt.One of them is my good friend (don't worry i'll never to drugs thats not an issue in my life) he smokes weed and his mom knows she doesn't care i was happy because i would hate to have a mom that doesn't care about my well being i felt better inside.Yes i don't care anymore about other peoples live and how they measure up to mine now i'm focused on my addiction and how to overcome it.Thank you.

@GRACEFULL: You are right i am going to fast this Sunday!!! full 24 hours.I'm so happy to hear of what you think of me this site gives me the strength to keep on going thank you.

I'm sorry to bring you all down but i fell today :( i stayed home because i was sick my mom left me she thought i was still sleeping as i awoke i got on the computer then got off and went to go watch TV i felt so happy because i didn't do anything wrong, but all of a sudden it hit me temptation i got up and well you know the rest after that i got on this site.I got admit it makes me feel bad that you guys are saying good things when i let you guys down. I can promise this i'm going to try again this time harder i'm back to day 1 i'm off to go read some scriptures i hope to be back on soon to tell you how i've been doing thank you all."
posted at 10:33:24 on May 2, 2011 by Teddy
Take it one day at a time    
"I have a number of different thoughts for you, Teddy. I hope at least one of them helps:

1) Don't get too down on yourself for this last failure. And don't get too down on yourself for your next one, either. The fight against your carnal self will go on your entire life, so watch out for the trap of thinking "I've overcome this and it will no longer be a problem for me." This perception allows Satan to absolutely hammer you with hopelessness and guilt when you do fall. Just know that God is pleased with your honest efforts and won't shut you out because you're not perfect yet. He just wants you to pick yourself up and keep trying.

2) From what you've said, I get the impression that your home isn't always a positive place to be. I grew up in a broken home with divorced parents, brothers who used drugs, a father who was steeped in porn, etc. For me, mb and porn was an escape from all of that. This is how my addiction started. Do whatever you can now to find a healthy, positive outlet. Something like sports, writing, art, playing an instrument drawing, fixing machines, science--WHATEVER, as long as it's something more than TV and video games. In my experience, these only add to the addiction.

So find something else that you can go to that will keep you busy and active.

3) This has already been covered, but never look at someone else who is sinning and assume they are happy. This is a tool Satan uses to get you to give in. He is real, he is standing over your shoulder all the time urging you to slip up. The good news is God is over the other shoulder with the help you need.

I saw my brothers and friends slip into drugs, porn, intimate relations, etc. growing up and I decided I would do the opposite. It was the best choice I ever made. Even though I still struggle with mb, my life has been better than I could have imagined. I know my Savior, know He is pulling for me, and know that with His help I will be strong enough to overcome my weaknesses . Each of my brothers have said they wished they had made the choice I did when we were teenagers. That choice was to follow God's way. I know that if you keep looking to Him, he will help you through this and you'll have a life you couldn't have imagined.

Stay strong, brother. We're pulling for you."
posted at 11:17:23 on May 2, 2011 by iwillnot
"Not so awesome that you fell, but awesome that you've picked yourself back up and are continuing forward. Keep going! This is probably the hardest battle any of us will have to fight.The irony is that we can't fight it at all because we're not strong enough and need to Lord to fight it for us. It might help you to surround yourself with spiritual things. Put a temple picture as the desktop background on your computer if you can. Put quotes from the prophets or scriptures on index cards and put them everywhere that you'll see them, especially the places where you're most likely to be tempted (in other words, the computer!!!). Pictures of Christ also do wonders.

The way I figure it, if we surround ourselves with light, the darkness will have a much harder time getting at us. We're often told to put on the "armor of God," but we don't realize that it's important to build up a fort around ourselves as well. I look at putting up spiritual things around you as building up that fort, in a sense. They say we become what we think about, but it's also true that we become what we surround ourselves with. Go to, they have some awesome posters of prophets and other people from the scriptures."
posted at 13:31:57 on May 2, 2011 by Zero
Don't worry....    
"Don't worry about us. You're not letting us down when you slip. I'm glad you're taking the slip in stride. Don't let it get you too down. Just pick yourself up and try again. You're doing a good thing. Hang in there! :)"
posted at 23:39:49 on May 2, 2011 by dstanley
You're not letting us down!    

if you haven't figured out yet, we here on this site are different than many people.
this is a safe place to just be yourself...

It's such a great feeling to know that God loves me... AS A SINNER. sure.. he doesn't want me to make mistakes because he knows it's not the happiest way to live... but just like any DAD would be to his own kid.. he is 100% behind us.. always... he is always trying to find ways to reach us, to teach us... to save us.


You DO NOT let anyone down when you slip.
You're a good kid who is struggling with issues that some people don't face until they are 50.

We all respect you for the fact that you are in the fight.... you are trying. That is worth every bit of recognition, that you are trying...
I starting making SERIOUS progress in my recovery when I started attacking the SHAME in my life.

John Bradshaw (an addict himself has some really good stuff to teach you about SHAME)"
posted at 01:25:40 on May 3, 2011 by gracefull
Right direction    
"Brigham young once said I would rather be at the gates of hell going the right direction than the gates of heaven going the wrong direction.

By getting up and trying to repent, and overcome your addiction you are going in the right direction.

Keep going! We are with you! All stumbling along together!"
posted at 00:17:09 on May 4, 2011 by 30years
"@IWILLNOT i wouldn't say it isn't positive i mean my mom and dad make us read scriptures everyday and go to church every Sunday its that my older sibling was putting a lot of negative things in the house that one of the reason she left.Thanks for you thoughts i will try more not to look at other peoples lives and focus on mine.

@ZERO thats a great idea my mom put a big frame of 3 photos across fromm the computer of the prophets and of Jesus i cant lie it hasn't stop me before but brilliant about the wall paper and the index cards! thank you.

@DSTANLEY,30YEARS Thanks for your words of encouragement they really help and make me want to keep going today i am now 2 day sober and happy as can be!"
posted at 08:38:58 on May 5, 2011 by Teddy
nice video    
"@GRACEFULL i think i was getting a hint of what it was saying but i really liked it thank you for showing it to not just me but all of us.

Also can you explain more of what it was trying to say?"
posted at 08:41:06 on May 5, 2011 by Teddy
Healing the Shame that binds you    
"that clip was a part of full 60 min presentation (all of it is on youtube for free)

Here is a better one... (Part 1 of a 6 part series)

In my family of origin... I had a mom who was depressed and a father who was "Mr. Embarrasing".... I made up a belief that I was "flawed and defective as a human being". After trying for so many years to try and be 'worthy' to try and be enough... I just started to believe satan's lies that I was a broken human being.

deep, deep down I always knew I was more... but jeez... week in and week out... I would go up and down, act in/act out, etc... always trying to be someone, to be enough for someone.

I started realizing at some point.. that I was worth loving (still learning that).. and that I was WORTHY of mercy... I WAS WORTHY OF GRACE. (unmerited favor from God).

A Great book (an oldie but a goodie) "Breaking Compulsive Behavior"

Google this phrase and you will find the top link taking you an electronic version of the book
"The process of breaking the cycle of compulsive behavior"

# The First Step: Feelings of Isolation
# The Second Step: Actions of Self-Indulgence
# The Third Step: Feelings of Self-Hatred
# The Fourth Step: Actions of Self-Concealment

For me...Step 3 - Feeling of Self-Hatred (SHAME) is what really fueled this addiction for so long...and what I have to be strong about... I need to consciously love myself... and become the strongest advocate for myself.

When I started doing this,, I started creating boundaries. I starting saying NO to people. I starting saying that I didn't need to go to all the activities. I started giving myself a break. I started finding hobbies that I liked. I starting having opinions that I didn't care what other people thought of,etc.. etc...

So.. SHAME is a limiting belief... that is like a software program in your brain. When you are a kid you make up these beliefs.. and as an adult you get to re-write them.

I need to do this again.. but I used to write out my 'affirmations' each morning

I am worthy of God's Love
I am a child of God who has infinite worth
I am deserving of every blessing that God decides to bless me with
I am worthy of an absolutely incredible relationship
I am worthy of Miracles happening to me.

hope that helps a bit - my prayers are with you for your continued growth"
posted at 22:32:20 on May 5, 2011 by gracefull

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"Strength comes from uplifting music, good books, and feasting from the scriptures. Since the Book of Mormon was to come forth “when there shall be great pollutions upon the face of the earth” (Morm. 8:31), study of that book in particular will fortify us."

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988