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Hypocritical Oath
By 30years
4/27/2011 11:06:33 PM
I feel like cursing tonight! I have said so much in the last two days about styaing strong, then I go and look at porn! I have been sober for about four weeks. I was feeling confident and strong. Even though I preached how week I was and how much I depended on the Lord for help I still let my pride build up. I let my guard down and I gave in without even thinking! I cant seem to get past that two month mark. I would like to say the intervalls are getting better, but I havent been keeping track as well as I should. Everytime I start tracking my progress I am overboard on it. Then I slack off and preaty soon I fall back into it! Its a... My confidense goes to peices, and I cant quit. I have it down to a day, or so I tell myself. But it goes on for a few days at least! This cycle has gone on for 30 years. 30 YEARS!!! ARGGGGG!!!! I read my scriptures, I say my prayers, I try to do my best in my callings, but nothing seams to help! There are no groups within 4 hours of my town. My stake just started a group in my ward but is at night, and I am on the night shift! I feel like I am just making excuses to continue this cycle everytime I fall back into my pattern. I can see improvement sometimes but it just seems so slow.

Comments:

Dear 30years,    
"I definitely know how you feel. I've had those days too. In fact, I'm the same boat as you. I just barely found this site, and before that I fell to temptation and was on a binge.

I don't know why, but after reading your posts it reminded me of something.
A friend of mine shared a scripture with me in my seminary class.

D&C 101:16
Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine ahands; be still and bknow that I am God.

She told me to replace Zion with whatever it was that was bothering me, and know that God loves you. Then she showed me this one,

John 14:18
I will not leave you comfort-less, I will come to you.

it was very comforting to me. I hope this helps you in some way."
posted at 23:40:49 on April 27, 2011 by Fa'amoemoe
fa'amoemoe    
"Thank you! I needed that tonight"
posted at 00:02:13 on April 28, 2011 by 30years
It's a Process    
"Relapses happen. The worst thing you can do right now is beat yourself up over it. Realize that it's a process, that as long as you're seeking to become better and are actively repenting, you're doing the right thing. I think Heavenly Father knows our weaknesses better than we do and He knows when we're going to slip-up. But He also knows whether our hearts are in the right place, whether we're going to keep on trying because we really seek deliverance or whether we're going to give up because we don't even want to try. Remember, the Lord looks on the heart. I know that now it seems like your heart is full of wickedness (believe me, I feel the same way with myself), but as long as there's that tiny bit of light, that little seed of desire in there, and as long as you're trying to nourish that seed, you'll end up victorious in the end. I believe it. You should too.

"Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory!" (D&C 128:22)"
posted at 00:17:52 on April 28, 2011 by Zero
Thank you!    
"I cant express how much this site has been a blessing to me the last three days! Especially tonight! I appreciate all your support. Your words mean a great deel to me! And they give me streangth! "where two or more are gathered, there I will be also!" I probably miss quoted it, but thats how I feel tonight!"
posted at 00:43:40 on April 28, 2011 by 30years
you are in my prayers    
"I do pray for all of you. God will help us all through this. It is for our own good."
posted at 09:09:37 on April 29, 2011 by lawrence


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"Don’t live your life in despair, feeling sorry for yourself because of the mistakes you have made. Let the sunshine in by doing the right things—now. It may be difficult to begin, but pick up the scriptures and immerse yourself in them. Look for favorite passages. Lean on the Master’s teachings, on His servants’ testimonies. Refresh your parched soul with the word of God. The scriptures will give you comfort and the strength to overcome. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990