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Hi there...
By Fa'amoemoe
4/27/2011 11:03:19 PM
Hi everyone, My name is Fa'amoemoe, which means HOPE in my native tounge. If you don't want to waste time by writing Fa'amoemoe down then just call me hope. (I'll bold it, just so we're clear)
Fa'amoemoe is not my real name. I just chose it, because that's what I need. A little bit of hope.

I discovered mb when I was around 11-12 years old. My addiction to to prn soon followed. When ever I was angry or hurt or upset, those were the things I turned to, to help me feel better. Really stupid of me? I think so.

I confessed to my family and they helped me out with my addiction to prn. I finally stopped when I was around 13, but the temptations were still there, which I was told was to be expected. Although mb was still a problem for me, I had gotten better and it kept getting better. It wasn't until the start of this school year, my senior year in high school, were they started haunting me again. I slipped up, and fell back into my old habits.

I feel awful. Disgusting. Most of all, I feel ashamed.

I'm ashamed because I know who I am. I know where I come from. I know that I am a son of God, and my Heavenly Father loves me. And yet I still continue down this dark road. Its absolutely frustrating!

I've gotten the nickname 'Oprah' in my group of friends. They've told me that I've always known how to make someone feel better, or I'm always willing to listen to them if they needed to vent. But whenever I give my thoughts and opinions on what they're telling me, deep down inside, I tear myself to shreds.

"You don't know what you're talking about" or "How can you say that, when you're doing the exact opposite?" or "Liar, Hypocrite, I can't believe you!"

Those are just a few of the things that run through my mind. I dismiss a lot of them, but there is this one thought that has constantly been there from the begging; "You can't fix others, if you're broken as well." I've tried to ignore it. I've tried very hard not to hear it. But deep down inside, I know it's right.

I've been feeling mighty low lately. I don't even know how I found this site, and to be honest I'm really scared. I must've deleted this, and re-written it well over a thousand times. I'm going to post it now, before my pride gets the better of me again. I've never told anybody outside my family this, but here I am . . . sharing it over the internet. Crazy how things work out like that, ya?

Anyway, I'm sharing this, because I need a little hope. I'm yearning for peace. I've been in a dark place for too long. I've read some of the recovery stories and I'm praying that, hopefully one day soon, I'll be able to add mine among them.

Comments:

You Rock    
"Hi Fa'amoemoe. Love that name, by the way. First of all, the fact that you're seeking help for your struggles proves that you're a good person. Remember, "the worth of souls is great in the sight of God," which includes you so DON'T FORGET IT! He loves you more than you can even imagine. I find that when I learn that others are struggling with the things I've gone through, I start to love them because I know exactly what it's like to be there. If I could hug you, I would. It'll have to be a hug in spirit ;)

Second, what you're doing by tearing yourself apart inside is not helping you at all. Stop that nonsense. You are not your mistakes. Wanting help and trying to be better proves that. Believe it because I sure do. I hate, hate, hate what happens to boys when they first learn to m~sturbate. I, like you, ripped myself apart and thought I was disgusting and vile and worthless, all over something that virtually every male does and is as common as sneezing. I wish I could tell every boy of this world, especially those in our church, that it's not nearly as heinous as they think it is. Yes, it's a sin and it needs to be overcome, but I've come to the conclusion that m~sturbation is an inevitable part of life. Every boy is going to discover it at some time in their youth. There's no doubt about it. A lot of girls too.

I think we need to stop looking at it as the end of the world and start seeing it as a process. The mistake we make is trying to stop or resist this bad behavior. That's not going to help. Instead, we need to seek to become godly. It's my believe that as we do so, then this little problem will sort itself out.

Don't worry, brother. We've all been there. You're not alone in your struggles. Don't get discouraged. I think Satan compounds the guilt and shame we feel when me m~sturbate to further tear us down, which keeps the cycle going. Next time it happens (because it's a process!) just tell yourself that it was a slip-up, hold your head up as high as you can, ask God for help, and keep on moving forward. You'll win!"
posted at 00:11:53 on April 28, 2011 by Zero
Thank you!    
"I don't know why, but I just got chills. I'll take that as you hugging me :P

Thank you so much for the welcome! I didn't expect to get a reply so soon!

I'm kinda relieved that your first words weren't ; RAWR! DEVIL CHILD! Or something along those lines.I'm also very relieved that I'm not the only one. I mean, I always knew that I wasn't, but having someone else verify that I'm not, makes me feel a whole lot better about posting this.

Yeah, not beating myself up is something I need to work on. I really needed to hear that tonight, cuz its by mistakes that I usually see myself as.

If it's like a process, than I wish I was done processing. I don't like it. I just doesn't make me feel good. However, I will try and take your advice of keeping my head up!

Thank you so much Zero! I'm gonna try to keep moving forward! :D"
posted at 01:12:28 on April 28, 2011 by Fa'amoemoe
:)    
"No problem, brother. We're all here to help. I'm glad what I said helped you and I'll say right now that I feel like a lot of it was not from me, but from Heavenly Father through me to you.

Don't ever think of yourself as evil. You're not. That's Satan whispering in your ear. He's trying to further tear you down, which will make it easier and easier for him to get at you next time. Surround yourself with righteous things and put on the Armor of God because you're weak right now and need God's defense more than ever. It helps me to pray right after waking up for the day, then to immediately go and study the scriptures or talks from the General Authorities. We've been commanded to "seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness." I take that literally and seek the gospel first thing in the day because it sets the tone for the rest of the day. If we start strong, we'll end strong.

I really feel strongly in my heart that overcoming these types of addiction is a process and not something that will happen overnight (for the majority of us). We have to actively be pulling away from the carnal part of ourselves though and be replacing it with godliness. Make the gospel the number one priority in your life right now. Church, scriptures, prayer, tithing, fasting, service opportunities, etc. The things of the world can wait. It's hard, I know, because the world is so very distracting, but God blesses us for every effort we make to come unto Him. I know that to be true because I've felt it in my own life. I'm praying for you, Fa'amoemoe."
posted at 10:41:05 on April 28, 2011 by Zero
Gospel of Hope    
"Welcome Fa'Amoemoe! I wanted to second Zero's thoughts that our Heavenly Father loves you.

I know what you mean about feeling like a hypocrite and a liar. I have felt/do feel the same way sometimes. Sin opens the door for Satan to whisper in your ear. He tells you that you are worthless, that no one would understand. But that is a lie. He only seeks your misery.

Have faith, with faith comes hope. Faith and hope yield repentance. Repentance is turning away from sin, and that brings happiness."
posted at 11:23:26 on April 28, 2011 by paul
Turn to the Lord    
"Welcome to the sight, Fa'Amoemoe. I "hope" you keep coming back. This place is turning into a youth recovery center; what a glorious thing! I'm 46 and had the same issues as all of you youth. What my life wouldn't be today if I had addressed this back then. You are the strong valiant ones who fought the dragon with Michael and his angels. You are his angels. We have a great work to do here and now. Satan has a secret spy-like way of getting into our hearts. It is nothing but darkness. Observe it, acknowledge it, and the light of your spirit and the spirit of Christ that is in all of us will illuminate the darkness, transmuting it into positive energy. This is our time. This is our moment to come to the plate and fight Satan. It always bugged me a bit when the prophets would call him Lucifer, but now I see it is the equivalent of Dumbledore calling Voldemort "Tom". Let us put on the whole armor of God every morning. Gird our loins with truth (no secrecy, no lies, especially about sexual matters--that's what loins represent), the breastplate of righteousness to protect our heart. That is where our desires lie. Righteousness is how we root out evil desires old Lucy put there. The helmet of salvation, protecting our mind and our intellect. Lucy already has hijacked our mind, both the addict and the wife, if married. Let us keep an eye single to Christ's glory and focus on His salvation given freely to us. Think of it this way, if you or I were the only one in the universe who needed the Atonement, He would have done it anyway, and it would have been the same pain and suffering. That's how much He loves each one of us. Let us take up the shield of faith. Nothing but Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ can free us from our addictions, including our codependency (if we are a loved one of an addict). Faith is the first principle of the gospel, which brings us to the shoes of the gospel of peace. Many recently on this sight have testified of the peace that comes when we meditate and pray and He lets us know who we really are. We are not our actions. We are not our accomplishments. We are not our emotions or our thoughts. We are pure light and intelligence, sons and daughters of God, called (and volunteered) to fight the evil of the universe which battle begins first inside ourselves. Satan has told me for years that I am this or I am that. I am not. I am God's son. You are also His son or daughter, all of you. Those are all the defensive measures. The time has come that defensive strategy is not enough. Let us all take up the SWORD of the Spirit. Plead for and expect the Holy Ghost to strive with us on a daily and hourly basis. He will. The spirit of Christ will never leave us, but the Holy Ghost is so sensitive and can leave or be driven away very easily. Let us not place blame when it happens. Let us not have shame when we fall. Let us pick ourselves up, grab that sword of the spirit, sword of the word of God (Book of Mormon) and fight the evil one to his death. When he is bound for a thousand years, it won't be with chains. It will be because he has no influence upon the children of men because we will have put on the whole armor of God.

That is the end of my sermon. Sorry I didn't mean it to be one.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."
posted at 09:27:42 on April 29, 2011 by lawrence
Holy Cow! You guys Rock!    
"Thank you soooo much for the love and support you guys have been sending me! I'm keeping everything you say very close to my heart. I'm still struggling with mb, but a lot of what you had said echoed in my mind and I have dismissed the temptation much easier than I would've alone.

Again Thank you! I don't know why I didn't find This site sooner!"
posted at 10:18:18 on April 30, 2011 by Fa'amoemoe


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"Now brethren, the time has come for any one of us who is so involved to pull himself out of the mire, to stand above this evil thing, to “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47). We do not have to view salacious magazines. We do not have to read books laden with smut. We do not have to watch television that is beneath wholesome standards. We do not have to rent movies that depict that which is filthy. We do not have to sit at the computer and play with ographic material found on the Internet."

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004