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Need a Disclosure person
By 30years
4/23/2011 12:27:28 AM
I have been an addict for 30 years. 8 or 9 years free, the rest of my life in bondage. I have been soper again for 3 or 4 months till yesterday. All my desires to delve into my addiction were gone the entire time untill yesterday. I have been going throught the twelve step pamplet the bishop gave me. I have written the letters about my life as an addict but I need someone to disclose them to. My twin sister wants me to send them to her but I am leary. She tells me she is addicted to controll. It just doesnt seem the same to me. I have only gone to two meetings with my LDS support group. I have been calling the SA line on and off for a few years. Mostly off. I just found this website. I wish they gave this site out with the manuals. This is new for me. I am a private man when it comes to my addiction. I find myself leary and cousous because of the responses I have gotten from bishops and family I have talked to. My wife almost left me last year after I had been sober for a very long time. I decided It was best because I delved back into my addiction. I knew I was completely addicted. In the end she stayed because I told her it I couldnt ask her to stay. I told her I was going change wether she stayed or not. It has been really hard. I keep falling back into it. We finally got a church group together through the steak a year ago. Two weeks later I put on nights at work and couldnt go. I had been looking for an LDS group I could go to for almost 3 years. After the last meating I could attend I sat in my car and cried. I know I cant do this on my own. I have never had a sponser. I have never felt comfortable with anyone enough to give my letters to. I tried my father, who has been an addict most of his life. I never got past the phone call. He was not encouraging at all. I know I am rambling. I am usually more articulate than this, but I feel like that dream I get where Im back at high school but suddenly my closed are gone just as the bell rings, and everyone comes pouring into the hall and stops with their mouths open.

Comments:

I am going through the same pain    
"Have you considered a Non-LDS group? I am personally leery of an LDS group because they tend to be focused on ALL addictions. S*X addiction is a different animal with a lot more social consequences.

I have been attending various 12 step groups in the community and I have found some to be not so great but some to be extremely useful. Everyones addiction and compulsion seems to be a little different. Listening to comments and stories at these groups has given me a lot of strength.

I wish I could sponsor you but I havent completed the steps yet myself and need more help myself.

hopefully you can find peace."
posted at 13:40:07 on April 23, 2011 by Hurtallover
PASG    
"Pornography Addiction Support Group. This group is sponsored through Family Services. If there is not one in your area contact Family Services and tell them one is needed. This group used the ARP manual on the left of this screen.
PASG'S is for the spouses of those who have Sexual addiction. This group uses the Family Spouses Manual on the left of this screen in purple. There is a updated version but it has not gone to print. These programs work best when they are held together in the same building at the same time in different rooms.

Your wife will need the Family Support manual on the left. (download it) It is specific to Pornography and Sexual addiction. How she can heal from the effects of living with an addict. She will need much healing and she should not suffer any longer alone. The meetings are held in confidentiality to all who attend and she will find healing as she will be able to communicate with women who have had very similar situations. She will heal, and if you heal, your marriage will heal. Your intimacy will return and you can enjoy spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy that will be so amazing. I can testify of this because my husband and I have been married for 41 years and now we wonder what we were doing for all of those years. Your relationship can get better and you and your wife can heal. It takes work and commitment. Both of you need to commit to a program for at least one year.


As far as a person for your disclosure, if you are not attending a recovery group where you would have a sponsor then other suggestions are a therapist hopefully one who is trained with a knowledge of the 12 steps, someone who you know is governed by confidentiality. Your Bishop. Your Stake President. It will please them to know you are doing all to use the atonement in your life and put it to action.

There was no PASG OR PASG'S programs in our area. I went to the Stake President and now we have 2 groups specific to PASG and 1 specific to family support for general addiction. I have been a missionary for PASGS for almost 2 years and it is one of the most spiritually rewarding callings I have ever had. These programs work but you have to commit and do the work like your life depends on it. AND IT DOES!!!

Who knows when you heal you and your wife could become missionaries and help other couples who are struggling.

Hope this is helpful to you, and prayer to you and your wife."
posted at 15:49:27 on April 23, 2011 by Hero
Steps 1-4    
"Have you done Steps 1-4 yet? I wouldn't be too worried about sharing everything with someone until you have. If you have, I would suggest a sponsor, therapist, or bishop. I wouldn't worry about going to an LDS meeting that is all addictions. The one I go to is more sex addicts than other addicts most of the time. Even if it isn't, addiction is addiction. They all have some differences, but they're all the same too. The 12 steps are the same. I did my step 5 with my therapist. It's hard to find a sponsor as a female. I've not run into other female sex addicts in any of the local groups I've gone to. There were several others when I was in rehab, and I still keep in touch with some of them. Spend some time praying about who and when to share your information. You'll find the right person when the time is right.

Hang in there!"
posted at 00:19:30 on April 24, 2011 by dstanley
steps 1-4 complete    
"I have been going to my bishop for the last two years. I have gone through the first four steps. I dont feel comfortable doing the disclosure part with my bishop. He has made it clear he does not understand the twelve steps. There are no outside SA groups within 4 hours of here. I have been calling the SA hotline for two years. I dont feel comfortable going to anyone in the word. The members that do understand, and I would go to cant sponser me. I have talked to SA about starting a group here but they want me to start it, and I cant find enough people to start one. A few members in the ward got the stake to start a PASG group started here, but they meet at 8pm on wensday nights at the church. I went for the first two weeks, then I was transfered to nights. I havent been able to go since. Doing the 12 steps by myself doesnt work. I need a sponser. Im not sure who to turn to. The few freinds or family I have turned to either treated me like a pedafile (wich Im not into) or like a convicted sex affender. My own father, who is a sex addict told me I would most likely go to jail. Either people treat this like it is no big deal and all men go through this or they treat me like I am a criminal that should be locked up. I havent found anyone one I trust that Can be a sponsor for me. Im not sure what to do. I just cant do this on my own anymore! I never really could."
posted at 19:50:15 on April 25, 2011 by 30years
Online Groups    
"Have you looked at online groups? I know there used to be a woman's SA group online. An addiction counselor might be another option. Sorry you've had such bad experiences with people's reactions. I hate that. One does NOT have to be a pedophile, creep, or anything else to be a sex addict. All the addicts I met in rehab were totally normal people. Some of whom I still interact with. In the meantime, rely on God. You're not really on your own."
posted at 22:18:34 on April 25, 2011 by dstanley
help    
"30 yr I know where you are coming from , I too have been in this addiction for 30 yrs and i was good for a few years but now having a hard time, my wife is on the edge right and not sure what she wants, she tells me that she still loves me but can't go though this again.
My family just blows it off and so I too have no one to talk to, yes Iv'e talked to the and he has been great but he is also my neighbor as well . May we can both help each other over come this if we have some to talk to that is going though the same thing ."
posted at 11:22:13 on April 26, 2011 by newsoul
long distance sponsor    
"http://www.heart-t-heart.org/ has sponsoring. Check out their site. My sponsor is from there. The ones who run the site are the authors of He Did Deliver Me From Bondage and Clean Hands and a Pure Heart."
posted at 15:14:24 on April 26, 2011 by lawrence
Online groups    
"That sounds really good. I’ll check that one out Lawrence. I appreciate all the advice and support I’ve gotten so far. It has helped tremendously"
posted at 22:22:17 on April 26, 2011 by 30years
newsoul    
"Anytime you need to talk let me know. I am only on at night most of the time! I only get on the computer at work. I avoid it at home during the week because my family is not there. It is too dangerouse for me. If you want to add me to your group let me know. I would be happy to join. sometimes we have to let go of everything and let the lord carry us to heal. If you need to talk let me know!"
posted at 22:28:40 on April 26, 2011 by 30years


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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990