Print
About M~bation
By jjdanomaly
4/19/2011 9:57:19 PM
I haven't had any slips with p~n since January. It's getting easier and easier to stay away from it as time goes on, and I'm confident that it will one day no longer even be a temptation for me. Or, I won't even desire to give in to it, at least. It might still come, but I believe I'll be okay.

However, I still struggle with MB. To all those of you who have this struggle, who are dealing with it now or have dealt with it in the past, what do you do to keep from giving in? Are there any special things you do when the temptation hits? The thing is, it's so easy to give in. I can't get away from myself. I have the "tool of destruction," if you will, with me wherever I go. And Satan continues to whisper in my ear that "It's not that bad" and that "At least you're not looking at p~n anymore."

I'm sure my struggle with it sounds exactly like every other guy's story. I discovered it when I was twelve years old, quite by accident. Once I learned what it was and how to do it the "proper" way, it became a habit that I indulged in anywhere from three to six times a week. I was usually good at keeping from doing it too often (I've heard of guys doing it daily, multiple times in one day, which was never me, luckily). But the longest I ever went without doing it was a month back when I was 15. I served a mission and still did it while out serving. I've admitted it to my bishop, but just confessing isn't enough to make it go away. I think I'm just so used to it. It's a comfort. An easy comfort. And it's so hard to think that something that feels good can be bad. The natural man is really fighting me on this one.

I think I'm okay for the time being, but I wouldn't mind some ideas for future reference. Anyone?

Comments:

It's Not Easy    
"You hit on a big part of why mb is so hard to quit. You can do things to keep porn from being accessible, but you can't get away from yourself. It gets easier as time goes on. All the stuff that is helpful for porn is helpful for mb as well. I think staying busy is a good thing. It helps to look at when you give in most often. Then you can plan specifically for those situations. I think a big part of it is being willing to do whatever it takes. For instance, when I wake up in the middle of the night after a sexual dream, and I'm tempted, I have to be willing to get out of bed and do something to kind of get my mind off of it and pray. I have to be willing to do the things that help (praying, calling someone, journaling, scripture study, etc.). I found things that make it impossible (or close enough anyways) to mb helpful. Things like taking a walk. As a bishop once told me, keep your mind and hands busy. You can do this."
posted at 23:14:41 on April 19, 2011 by dstanley
Thanks    
"Thanks for that. It's really hard. For the past thirteen years it's been my go-to for comfort whenever I'm feeling low. I wish I could always be up and positive and happy, but life doesn't let that happen."
posted at 17:43:06 on April 20, 2011 by jjdanomaly
go to god    
"it is my go to for comfort too. but i have decided that when im feeling low, or lonely its time to start praying like crazy. just talk to god. remember that he is your hevenly father and he wants to hear from you. he loves you. he will listen no matter what you have to say. i have found myself tempted to mb, but have already prayed for specific things and said thanks, so ill just start praying and telling god my feelings or anything. he listens. i know he does."
posted at 23:46:08 on April 20, 2011 by kaybee
Emotional RE-wiring    
"I've been listening (actually listening right now) to Tony Litster (abettermormon.org) talk about re-wiring our brains to adjust to stress differently.

I like what you said about "the go-to comfort whenever I'm feeling low"

that is totally me... and so I'm really trying hard to find ways of actual re-wiring my brain so that I react differently.

I get the sense that God grants me the amazing miracle of sobriety and recovery... but I also feel like he inspires me to keep working on re-wiring projects as well :)

Change is possible (what a crazy idea huh?)"
posted at 01:08:36 on April 21, 2011 by gracefull
I think you need to take this seriously and treat this like an addiction    
"Probably not what you want to hear but if you have failed at stopping several times, you are in an addiction where your brain chemistry had changed making it nearly impossible to stop on your own. Your brain will change the equations that you use to determine if your choices are good or not. thats why you keep falling -- you cant fix it yourself. Personally, I think mb is more serious as an addiction than as sin. It's natural, right? The real sin in my mind is the addictive nature of it. a successful mb conclusion is like taking a hit of heroin -- followed by a bit of shame. P*rn just feeds mb. You stopped p*rn but may just be feeding your mb with fantasy -- mind p*rn. so really, you may not have fixed anything. sorry.. But this is fixable if you take it serious enough.

But like all addictions, we were powerless to overcome them but we can overcome with help. It happens to many of us - whether it's food, drugs, diet coke,sex, porn, smoking, whatever -- addiction is a major force of the natural man. Our job is to fight off EVERY addiction we face.

If you REALLY want to stop. Here's how.
1. Stop pretending its a little thing and see it as pre-cancerous cells in your body. praying and scripture study and good hometeaching wont fix it. If you cant control it, it will turn into more. its just a matter of time. You need some minor surgery to cut it out.

2. Start a 12 step program. Join a SAA group. I have attended SAA groups where people only have mb and p*rn issues. You wont be alone. Step 1 - be honest and admit you are powerless to yourself. EvenYou need to figure out the triggers. Is it stress, boredom, something else.

3. Get counseling or a good workbook to work though personal issues, causes, a disclosure plan, etc.

4. You need an accountability team with a sponsor. This is very embarrassing. I have learned that that shame is caused by pride. Go to a few SAA meeting and find a sponsor if you dont want a friend to do it. It needs to be someone that has fixed his own issues.

5. do the rest of the steps. If you are only addicted to p*rn and mb, it wont be hard -- no one to confess an affair or illicit sex or an std to. you just want to kill off a behavior that isnt healthy

beating the addiction will grant you peace. good luck!"
posted at 08:43:39 on April 21, 2011 by Anonymous
My go to also    
"Sex and mb have been my go to also. It's a way to avoid feeling my emotions. I've been working really really hard at managing and feeling my emotions instead of stuffing them or using my addiction to numb them. It's helping a lot. It's hard to break the cycle, but when you do it is so worth it. It gets easier too."
posted at 19:40:04 on April 21, 2011 by dstanley
Come here    
"I struggle with MB, and I am trying really hard right now. A couple of things I have found helpful. First on all, when I am feeling tempted, I come to this website and read how others have overcome and/or are dealing with it. Their stories and accomplishments inspire me to try harder. Everyone has been so kind and supportive.

Another thing I do, although as I think about it right now, it could become an addiciton of another kind. There's a game on my blackberry called brickbreaker. That keeps my hands busy and redirects my mind.

Today is Easter. I have reflected so much on the Atonement lately, but especially the last few days as Easter drew closer. I am reminded of how much we are loved, so much that God gave His only begotten that we have the possibility of returning to him someday. What a great blessing to us. I want to rely more on that hope to get me through this difficult time in my life. I think I will always have this weakness, but with God's help, I can get it under control.

Best to you."
posted at 23:10:06 on April 24, 2011 by want2change


Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"Now, my brothers and sisters, let not Jesus’ redemption for us stop at the immortalizing dimension of the Atonement, “the loosing of the bands of death”. Let us grasp the proffered gift of eternal life! We will end up either choosing Christ’s manner of living or His manner of suffering! It is either “suffer even as I”, or overcome “even as [He] … overcame”. His beckoning command is to become “even as I am”. The spiritually settled accept that invitation, and “through the atonement of Christ,” they become and overcome! "

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987