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Step 8 - I need some coaching on Forgiveness
By gracefull
4/18/2011 2:04:11 AM
OK.. here's the truth... I don't know how to forgive myself or to really find Forgiveness from God.

I have felt a change of heart. I really honestly can say that I do not desire to sin (specifically with porn/masturbation). I really do desire to do good and I'm trying to find ways to do that daily. and I LOVE it... I find so much happiness in reaching out to God and then reaching out to others with the LOVE & LIGHT that he grants me.

I can easily provide a long list of reasons why I should be forgiven of my sins.
but FEELING it right now is the challenge I've been having.

somewhere in my head ... I get the sense that forgiveness is conditional... and that I will not be forgiven until I have 10 years of recovery.. with an LDS temple marriage and even then... there is a little part of me that doesn't want to let it go.. that I am a human being with character defects (a sinner), and I always will be a human being with character defects (a sinner), and so why do I want to try and be forgiven for being a human being.


It's like... if I forgive myself... I feel like I may trick myself into thinking that I'm not a human being with character defects (a sinner) and will then set myself a big fall (back to humanity)

the funny thing.. is that I come across as perfect to my friends at work... and yet at church...I get this sense that I'm 1 step away from being part of the worst leper colony on the face of the earth.


Any ideas out there on the process of feeling forgiven? and helping forgive yourself?

(I of course will pray to God...and seek his counsel on this...)

Comments:

How I did it.    
"I forgive myself. I really did terrible things. I don't feel like God's forgiveness came until I obeyed His law to forgive others, including myself. Then, like enchanted rain, He poured out such a wonderful blessing of peace and joy that I could hardly contain it.

It also helped a lot to read this book:

http://deseretbook.com/Forgiving-Ourselves-Getting-Back-When-We-Let-Down-Wendy-Ulrich/i/4996436"
posted at 09:37:42 on April 18, 2011 by lawrence
Praying and givin it to Christ    
"12 Steps is an absolute must. You will not get there a day. It wil take time.

I heard an addict at a fireside last night that she always believed that when the Savior said, " be ye therefore perfect even as your father in heaven is perfect, that she had to make herself perfect and then the savior would except her. That s a cultural lie. We must come to Christ warts and all, with all of our sins. Then he will make us perfect through him.


You can never be good eough to fix this. That is why you have a Savior. Through much fasting and prayer, you will truly understand what needs to be done, come unto him, except his gift, and he will remake you into the King you were meant to be.

We make this harder on ourselves than it needs to be.

Go back toi step 3, turn it all over to him, and he will do the rest... It's that easy, really"
posted at 18:04:30 on April 18, 2011 by Anonymous
Hmm    
"If I'm reading between the lines correctly, it sounds as though you're afraid that by forgiving yourself you're, in a sense, approving of the things you've done and saying it was okay, and that you're afraid of becoming prideful in the same regard.

It may take time to learn to forgive yourself, but forgive yourself you must. I would suggest developing the attribute of charity. Learn to serve and love others and then you'll find how much they love you in return, which will help you to love and forgive yourself.

Also, it may help to ask the Lord to help you see yourself as He sees you. Read the book "Defined By Christ." It will give you the best boost to your self-worth like you wouldn't believe. You can do it."
posted at 19:14:29 on April 18, 2011 by jjdanomaly
Thank you all    
"Thank you all for your very insightful ideas/comments. I have some reading & some work to do! I will take each of your ideas.. .and work on them one at a time.

I think I have a high sensitivity to how others perceive me... especially with a church community... I've been alone for most of my life... and so when I think of the one place in the world I'd like to feel accepted and cared for..... I often feel 'unworthy' 'unforgiven' & 'unwanted' .. and that it will be many, many miles,years to go before I will 'be enough'

I HATE THAT FEELING SOOO MUCH!

I feel so much shame... about the sacrament... like it's designed for this moment for me to find out what is wrong with me... and to find out what I need to forgiven FOR... rather than the chance to feel LOVED, to feel a sense of COMMUNITY, and most of all to FEEL FORGIVEN.

When I go to another church (especially evangelical churches) I feel so accepted... I really do feel loved. It really throws me for loop sometimes... when I read the scripture... and by this shall all men know ye are my disciples.. that ye show love one to another. "
posted at 01:04:50 on April 19, 2011 by gracefull


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