Checking in for Support
By matt78
3/29/2011 10:19:40 PM
I use to be an porn/mb addict about eleven years ago. Up until lately I have had it under control. That is where Satan gets you though. He allows you to get a little confident and little comfortable and then he comes in for the kill.

Just to make a things little more interesting is that I struggle with Same Gender Attraction. Days vary. Sometimes I loathe the idea. Other times it becomes very very difficult. I don't know why that is. My wife knows and I spoke to her lately that I am a low point about it. I told her that I wish I was an alcoholic or something instead then I would not be so embarrassed. But that is a really dumb thing to say and I mean know disrespect to those struggling with that trial.

Lately thoughts have been wondering and I find myself slipping looking at people online in their underwear. Really dumb. I feel really bad about because I know it is on the path back to where I don't want to be. The last thing I want to do is hurt my family.

I guess I just wanted to get it out there (at this site) so I can come to terms that I need the Savior in my life. This morning I listened to three GC talks in a row first thing. It help me through the day. I realize that on days that I feel confident that I can handle my issues that is probably when I need the Savior the most.

I rate my days from a one to ten. 1 is when I loathe the sin. 5 is when I am looking at pictures I shouldn't. (I don't want to discuss 5 and above which is where I was eleven years ago) Yesterday was a 5, today was a 3. Over the last ten years I hover around 2. I try to aim for that so I can take it day by day.



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***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"I have come to know that thoughts, like water, will stay on course if we make a place for them to go. Otherwise, our thoughts follow the course of least resistance, always seeking the lower levels. Probably the greatest challenge and the most difficult thing you will face in mortal life is to learn to control your thoughts. In the Bible it says, as a man ‘thinketh in his heart, so is he’ (Prov. 23:7). One who can control his thoughts has conquered himself. As you learn to control your thoughts, you can overcome habits, even degrading personal habits. You can gain courage, conquer fear, and have a happy life. "

— Boyd K. Packer

BYU, Speeches of the Year, 26 Sept. 1967