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I confess
By gracefull
3/24/2011 1:07:04 AM
I met with a new bishop today and confessed about prn/mb (~5 weeks ago) last slip (forgot how many days) .. I didn't talk about the 2 times (only times in my life) that I went to a strip club. not really proud of that... I have the feeling that if I tell him... he's going to have a reaction... and then I'll feel shame.. and then I'll think I'm no good.. and then I'll go back to having no hope.. and then I will isolate.. and go back to making money my god. ARRGHH..so.. I need to do more prayer work with God to really work through that. the funny thing.. is that actually going to the strip club... demystified this whole porn thing for me... I was so lonely at the time.. that I actually enjoyed the conversation more than anything... (they should have a place for lonely men to just go and talk to pretty women! ha!... then I could get addicted to that) ha! just kidding...


I did talk about what's working for me...

Turning my entire life over to God (being willing to accept a life as a monk basically.. or accept life as a missionary.. or accept life as a father of 4,etc..)

Focusing on accepting Grace/Mercy.. and avoiding all SHAME thoughts. (especially from women, authority figures.. or my own head)

Nutrition/Exercise (I feel the word of wisdom DO's - really apply to me here..the weakest of the saints) breaking my addiction to food... directly correlates to mb/pn for me. Fasting is part of that.. so it's like fasting for jsut a few hours out of every day.

Prayer... (breaking my knee every morning) and trying to listen to the promptings.

Breaking open the word of God at least once a day (like manna)

going to the temple (even if it's only to the temple grounds)

staying busy... being social

anyway.. thats been working for me lately...

I realized tonight that it;s ALWAYS healthy to talk about this in a spiritually focused way with another human being. ALWAYS...

-a middle aged white guy who is trying to lose his gut.. and win a wife

Comments:

Hey there Graceful    
"I am slowing down on using this site but wanted to write to you because I just want to assure you that our Bishops are getting a lot of training to deal with the addiction. Take heart from that, gone are the days when we have to worry about exing and disfellowship. If we are sincere in our efforts to repent, the Lord will forgive and the bretheren who stand in his place physically will do the same on behalf of the Church.

THE CHURCH FORGIVES TOO, I HAVE TASTED OF IT.

Remember we will be faced with that piercing question:

"Is there anything, any sins or misdeeds that you have not disclosed to proper priesthood authorities?"

This question would haunt me for years and it was not until I disclosed everything that peace replaced all the guilt. I must be honest and say that disclosing all the wrongs made life hell for the family for a long time but peace is taking over now and it is worth the full disclosure.

I am confident that the Lord will bless you even more if you come fully clean with Him and His church.

About the shame, no way buddy no way you will feel shame, but you will feel peace of mind and heart. Shame cannot coexist.

Do it, your Bishop's love for you and the Lord is more powerful than any imaginary shame session.

Even though you have no clue of who I am, trust me on this one.

I am often wrong but on this one I know I am 100% right.

Good luck Bro."
posted at 11:17:18 on March 24, 2011 by ruggaexpat
Be Completely Honest    
"Be completely honest with your bishop. You'll be happy you did. I always find that I feel better when I'm totally honest with people, and it often isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yesterday I met with my addiction counselor and we talked about my slips last week. I left out the fact that some of the mb happened at work. It was really bugging me, so I emailed him last night and told him that. I got an email from him today. I was nervous about reading it, but when I did, it was not at all as bad as I expected. I thought it would change his thoughts about me, but it didn't. I've had other experiences like that too. I didn't think my bishop would think much of me at all after some of the things I've done, but he does. Going to a strip joint isn't a good thing to do, but it isn't the worst either. I'm totally not trying to justify it for you, but I don't think it's going to cause the kind of reaction you are fearing. You're a good person who made some bad choices. It's done, you can't change it, so admit it, repent and move on. It sounds like you're doing some really great things to work on your recovery and your health. I really like to take walks around the temple, even driving by on my way to ARP helps. Keep plugging away."
posted at 00:41:17 on March 25, 2011 by dstanley


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"You lived with your Heavenly Father in a premortal life. You were there with Him. Your spirit knows what it is like to live in celestial realms. You can never be truly happy in an uncelestial environment. You know too much. That is one of the reasons that for you, wickedness never can be happiness. What a great thing it is to decide once and for all early in life what you will do and what you will not do with regards to honesty, modesty, chastity, the Word of Wisdom, and temple marriage. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006