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Playing with fire
By dstanley
3/9/2011 12:41:54 PM
I thought I was doing pretty well dealing with being sick, but then I realized this morning that I've been playing with fire. I've been in the gray area since Sunday, but last night and this morning it was getting pretty dark. I think I've pushed the line as far as I can, and that's not a good thing. To be honest, I'm not sure I'm still on the right side of the line. I need to find a way to get the spiritual stuff back to where it needs to be even though I'm sleeping extra. I need to get myself back out of the gray and onto solid ground. What I'm doing now is only going to lead to trouble. God's not going to keep bailing me out forever. I don't want to play with fire. I don't want to wonder if I've "technically" crossed the line or not. I want to know that I'm doing good. So here's to getting back on track.

D

Comments:

same boat    
"I am in the exact same boat as you. I hate the technicality argument. It must come from the Devil. I want to define my new bottom line (what I absolutely won't do) but it actually does need to be technical. Maybe the three second thought rule could apply to mb as well? I don't really know how to approach this."
posted at 14:49:01 on March 9, 2011 by lawrence
It's hard    
"It is a hard one. Where the line is isn't as clear as in some addictions. You can't just say no touching. I don't know if the 3 second rule would work for mb or not. I know I need to stay far away from the line, but I also need to have a clear idea where the line is. I don't know, and dang it my addiction counselor was out today so I can't even ask him."
posted at 16:32:58 on March 9, 2011 by dstanley
I'm afraid too    
"OK, I'll addmit that I'm a bit afraid to define the line too clearly because then I might run right up to it when I'm not doing well. Like right now, if what I've done isn't over the line then I may keep doing it and find myself over the line. If it is over the line than I might as well go all the way and enjoy it (that is until the guilt sets in) until I start my sobriety clock over again. I'm so confused and worried and disappointed right now."
posted at 16:53:12 on March 9, 2011 by dstanley
Preoccupation with unworthy behavoir...    
"".... I'm so confused and worried and disappointed right now."

Even without knowing where the line is, you're already feeling the effects of getting near it. Rugga has mentioned this before, but as addicts we have no room to even move toward the line. It is a slippery slope to pain and self-resentment.

Elder Packer taught "Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior." You can't worry all day long about whether or not you're going to give in. The more time you spend worrying about it, the more likely you are to actually give in. When the temptation hits, recognize that it is normal, don't stress, don't beat yourself up, and don't fight it. You can't fight it for long enough to break free from addiction. Instead, recognize it and dismiss it. Change your thoughts. Do not spend one more minute than you have to thinking about unworthy behavior. If it keeps coming up then say a prayer for help and change your surroundings and/or activity. Anything to keep your mind occupied with something other than acting out. TV does not count, too many triggers, too little interaction to keep your mind focused.

The Lord will help you with this, just don't block him by entertaining unworthy ideas."
posted at 20:51:03 on March 9, 2011 by paul


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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990