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why it bothers me
By endure
2/26/2011 9:47:20 AM
Things have been really good and I was very thankful for the past several months. I started a new job which I loved. best job I ever had. It included some travel which concerned me being vulnerable to temptation. I can honestly say I had no temptation since I started this job I felt so much strength. (had a company laptop with no filter the whole time, seems crazy I know but it was working for me). If I came across anything racy on tv,r billboard or computer it was repulsive to me and I immediately turned away or off. I felt free and confident.

Here is what I don't get. During this time my prayers and scriptures went way down. It took me 6 months to read 20 chapters in the Book of Mormon. So all I can think of is just being very busy and doing something I like to do seemed to be the trick. I recently was laid off so my prayers and studies improved as I needed some direction. I quickly found a job which is not enjoyable but it is providing for now. Like clockwork P~rn has been tempting me again.Twice now I clicked on a few link I should not have. Luckily I was able to walk away after a few clicks. but it was difficult and weighed on my mind. I know I am walking a slippery slope.

It bothers me because when I was reading and praying everyday for years it didn't seem to help until I got a job I loved.(I looked at my new job as a big blessing, but it was short lived and now I feel like I'm back to square one.) I didn't read and pray much during my new job but it was the most successful time temptation wise. This has put a dent in my testimony. I want to believe the Atonement is the most powerful influence and power in the world but i am questioning its power. It bothers me when additction counselors come to speak in church about addiction and they come across like a gatekeeper to Jesus. As if you have to go through a professional to access the Atonement. Maybe I was putting too much emphasis on the atonement to change my nature and should be more focused on finding a lovable engaging job and find balance. When I was always praying and reading for help it was on the forefront of my mind so I was thinking about it. When I had a great job it was never on my mind. Maybe someone can see my dilemma and frustration with the gospel. I want to leave a clean life but seems I have it all backwards.

Comments:

The Lord    
"Has funny ways to teach us. Most of us have gone full circle.

Honestly I know a lot about the hiring process and current job market, I can tell you that if you think a job is going to get you back on track permanently you will always be disappointed.

If there is one this that is not a guarentee in these latest latter days it is a dream job. There is more change in the job market than anywhere else."
posted at 13:04:54 on February 26, 2011 by ruggaexpat
I hear you    
"In my life... nothing but a rock solid relationship with Jesus Christ/ Heavenly Father/ Spirit has ever helped long term.

That said... all the other things that go into a healthy life... are important.. (nutrition/friends/service/good music/plenty of sleep/hobbies/etc...)

I have wanted to conquer my sexual desires for so long... that it has actually robbed me of all of the good things above...

therapists annoy me at times... because they are basically paid to be your friend... and are financially motivated for you to continue your addiction..
also.. legally they get in trouble if they mention Jesus Christ/prayer. (really lame)

praying for you to find the right combination of things in your life.. I know for D#$d sure.. that god can do a lot more with our lives than we can ( if we let him)... sometimes that means tearing down a building... before he builds a mansion."
posted at 22:15:13 on February 27, 2011 by gracefull
Hmmmm....    
"I would be careful about drawing the conclusion that the spiritual things don't matter as much as a job. I think that the spiritual stuff is more important than anything else. The Atonement is what will change your nature. A job isn't going to fix your nature, but I would say that a job you love can certainly help.

As far as counselors go, I love mine! I have an addiction counselor who is LDS and my depression counselor who I'm not sure is anything (not that I don't talk to both about both). I've never felt that either claims to be a gateway to Christ, neither is motivated for me to continue my addiction, and my addiction counselor talks about spiritual stuff all the time and my other counselor knows how important my spirituality is to me and talks about prayer all the time. You just have to look for the right one."
posted at 00:20:38 on March 1, 2011 by dstanley
i know the feeling    
"I agree with RUGGAEXPAT the lord does have a funny way of teaching us some might question but it's always right.I've had that all of sudden i was living this great life and talking to the girl i like and it all went down so did my faith.It's like that all the time when everythings great we forgot about god (not completely) and when its bad we all of a sudden remember but i think he wants to show us we should be with the lord and do whats right through the good and the bad."
posted at 09:19:46 on March 26, 2011 by Teddy


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"In recent years, as I have sung the hymns of the Atonement, it has been with an especially full heart—and also with full voice, when I can continue to sing—lines such as “How great thou art,” “I scarce can take it in,” “To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,” “I stand all amazed,” and “Oh, it is wonderful!”"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987