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3 Weeks!!!
By dstanley
2/20/2011 1:28:36 AM
This week has been hard, but I made it through sober. Valentine's Day was rough. I got on the dating site I found my last husband on. I guess I wanted to see that there were guys out there to date. It activated my old profile and I got an email this morning about a match, so I deleted my profile. I'm not ready to date. Thinking about dating kicks off urges. It''s one thing to screw things up myself, but I'll be darned if I'm going to push someone else into doing something that gets them into trouble.

My counselor said something interesting on Thursday. She said that I'm glorifying being in a relationship. I know that being in a relationship won't fix my addiction, but I think that I've been treating it like it will solve everything else. I focus on what I perceive it will fix and ignore all the rest. My friend asked me what was better, being married to either of my exes or being single? I need to be sure I'm being realistic when I think about getting married again. Not that it changes my desire to be married, but being single isn't wholly horrible and being married isn't wholly wonderful.

Today has been hard. I'm not feeling good and that's a huge trigger. Spending most of the day on the couch wasn't helpful either, but I made it through. I worked hard to catch myself when I started to think about what I wanted to do and changed my thoughts. I fought the urge to "make myself feel better." I also made sure I got off the couch long enough to do my scripture study. I also read the lesson for Sunday School and picked the songs for RS for the next month (I'm the RS chorister). I also got a message on Facebook today from my second ex. He left Hawaii and moved to Utah, so some of you may run into him. :) Like normal he apologized and made bunches of promises including finally sending some money for our son. I'm not buying any of it. I blocked his Facebook account, but I'm sure it won't be too long before he creates a new one or finds some other way to contact me.

Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow, but I'm starting to gain confidence that I'll be OK whatever comes my way.

Comments:

Congrats!    
"I'm happy you were able to resist the temptations yesterday. That's awesome! I'm coming up on my three week mark as well, so it's cool to hear where you're at with your recovery because I feel like I can relate.

I think you make some interesting points about being married versus single. Being a single mom has to be hard, but I'm sure it's better than being married to an abusive husband who might harm you and your children.

From my perspective, it's much easier to be sober when I'm single. The added heat brought on by a relationship makes it harder for me to remain sober. I know I need to get married eventually, but I would really like to get a year of sobriety before I get engaged again."
posted at 11:35:14 on February 20, 2011 by ETTE
Keep it up!!    
"Nice job of thinking your way through........beginning with the end in mind always helps me.....keep up the good work!!"
posted at 13:42:59 on February 20, 2011 by nickwyo
GJ!    
"Great job on 3 weeks. I hope to be there soon. YOu are such a great example...I am jumping on the bandwagon!

-jdean88"
posted at 18:43:41 on February 20, 2011 by Anonymous
yay    
"congratulations on 3 weeks, D! Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts here. After I divorced my first husband I was in such a hurry to marry again. I used to say that I missed being married. Weird since marriage was horrible for me??? You are right; Being single isn't the worst and being married isn't always super great. Although, I guess for some folks who marry just the right person at the right time (and in the right place) it can be. I wouldn't know. :)"
posted at 19:50:08 on February 20, 2011 by katie
3 weeks is amazing!    
"thats so awesome! keep up the hard work."
posted at 21:50:45 on February 20, 2011 by Anonymous
Way to go!    
"I am so glad you have made it three weeks. I know what the anniversaries meant to me. Katie still doesn't like them. :) However, I know how important they are! Keep it up Lady D!"
posted at 22:49:57 on February 20, 2011 by hubster
Katie    
"I think I thought the second marriage would be better. :) I guess that's what I'm holding on to now. The right guy has to be out there somewhere, and a good marriage would be better for me and for my boys. I just have to be patient and wait for the right time and man and not jump back into a bad situation because I couldn't wait. You'll get there. You have someone who loves you and who is working recovery. I've never had that."
posted at 01:05:13 on February 21, 2011 by dstanley


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"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988