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Help me please!
By Teddy
2/19/2011 10:16:06 AM
I've been looking at this site for a while and i finally joined right after i fell....i think this is a good step into breaking my addiction here i am going through step 1 and i'm hear to say"I am a addict,and i need help!" I've been a addict for quite a while(maybe 4 or 3 years),i realize now i need help i can't go through it alone i am 15 now i was born into the church and i know it's true without a doubt.


I struggle with p~rn addiction and m~~~~~bation addiction i'm just a normal kid trying to have a good life.Things have been going bad lately and i know that's not an excuse,but i use it all the time.Today was bad and so was yesterday don't need to go into detail but just a few minutes ago i fell.I feel horrible I've tried over and over again countless times to stop,but i'm still not giving up.I need help and hopefully this blog and you brothers and sisters can help me.I will visit as much as i can and update how I've been i hope to make it a week just a week,for now.

I'll love to hear your feed back
and any questions just ask!. :)

Comments:

Nice man - Doing it at a young age.    
"Man you are brave and I wish I could have been as smart and willing as you.
Just read here, go into the older blogs and read.

ARP meeting, go now
Parents - Tell them
Confess to your bishop
If you are not ready now, do the steps but my best advice is Tell:

Parents and Bishop and let them help.

That is a great start.

Then the real hard graft begins.

Freedom will come - Be not afraid (and lazy) but believe and have faith"
posted at 12:13:39 on February 19, 2011 by ruggaexpat
:)    
"Wow. Like Ruggaexpat said, you are brave to be seeking help at such a young age. You have courage which many do not and you are humble in wanting to change. You should read the recovery manual, start working the steps, and ask the Lord to give you the strength to tell your bishop and your parents. The church has a lot of resources for you to use. Also I think you should read Ette blog “Looking for a new way to find relief” he confessed to everyone when he was about 12, it was hard and he gave up. It took him years before he stopped lying. It will be hard when you decide to confess but don’t give up. The lies will eat away at you. There is something great about being honest. You feel free. Then when you start to use the atonement you’ll understand the power that it has. Teddy I will keep you in my prayers.
Love heartfelt. "
posted at 12:55:18 on February 19, 2011 by heartfelt
Teddy    
"Welcome Teddy. It is so good that you are looking for real help. When I was your age I was too scared to tell. I was lying to everyone including myself and God. Please do as the others say. Tell your Bishop and your parents. They love you and will try to help you the best they know how. The 12 step Addiction Recovery Manual helps break down into marvelous steps the repentance process! By completing the steps faithfully and being honest you will be free! I would also recommend you get your parents to read the 12 step manuals too (yours and the loved ones manual since that will also help them know how to better help you)! I wish that I had your courage when I was 15! My wife, Katie (she is on here too), and I respect the young men who attend our meetings who haven't been on missions or brought this into a wife's life! You are awesome to take care of this at 15! God will bless you and take you by the hand. If there is a 12 step meeting near you, go. If there isn't still do the steps. You can meet with your parents and bishop and us online! Stay strong! I can't commend you enough for taking this brave step!"
posted at 14:41:00 on February 19, 2011 by hubster
Welcome!    
"I don't know that I have much to say that hasn't already been said. Take it one day at a time (or one hour or minute as needed). You can do this."
posted at 22:41:51 on February 19, 2011 by dstanley
Thank you everyone!    
"@RUGGAEXPAT: Thank you, that is the first time anybody has ever called me brave,i'm going to be totally honest with you guys the truth is i don't want to tell my parents or my bishop is that bad? :( i don't know it's not because pride but i guess it's because i don't want her(my mom) to be ashamed she has many problems and i don't want her to worry about me i could've of lied and said that i'm going to tell them to but i wanna be honest.

@HEARTFELT:Thank you,do not worry i pray every night and ask for help,i'll surely read that blog because it sounds a lot like me i lie to my dad to my bishop.......i now it's not good...but i ask myself what if i get it under control why need??? :(

@HUBSTER: Thanks a lot reading about how it will set me free sounds like it will feel good,it's just my mom and dad are very sick and i'll feel like i'll kill them if i tell them (not literally) .I see how they get when my older sisters tell them things they've done it's not good but i'll know they'll be loving i don't know i'm scared not because i'm embarrassed or prideful but because i'm afraid i'll hurt them.

@DSTANLEY: Thanks i will it's morning and i'm on the computer and i don't feel the need to fall because i'm writing to you guys,thanks for everything. ;)

also is there any tricks or tips because i read about the rubber band thing anything else?

oh and i'm also going to read the recommended blogs. :)"
posted at 09:07:17 on February 20, 2011 by Teddy
Tricks and Tips    
"The best tricks and tips I've come across in a while are at

< http://www.feedtherightwolf.org/ >

It's a big site with a lot of info, but I find it pretty helpful. I also recommend you take a look at the twelve step material. The twelve steps haven't solved my problem, but they have definitely helped.

If you really want to start making progress, you have to tell your bishop and your parents. Personally, I recommend talking with the bishop first. I know that it was easier for me to tell the bishop than to tell my own parents because my parents are so overbearing. The reason you need to tell people about your problem is because addictions thrive on secrets and darkness. I cant tell you how many times I've convinced myself to keep it a secret because I thought I could get better on my own. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

If you bring your problems to the light through confessing to your bishop, you will find that avoiding the problem will become much easier. I wish you the best of luck. Be sure to come back here and let us know how you're doing. Just reporting to the people on this site can be a big help."
posted at 11:27:10 on February 20, 2011 by ETTE
Teddy    
"I am so glad you are trying to quit this at 15! Oh how I wish my husband had quit at 15 instead of 31! You are a good kid! When my husband was a teen, his bishop told him to tell his parents. He didn't. He didn't think he needed to. Well, now his parents know anyway. Trust me, they are MUCH more loving about it than I am!!! A little more than a year after we were married, my husband tried again to confess the bishop. He actually told him that it was very important that his wife doesn't find out about his addiction because "it would hurt her too much." He explained that I had been hurt by men before and just couldn't take it if he hurt me. This needed to be solved without me ever finding out. The not telling me thing was not his way of protecting ME. It was his way of protecting himself from dealing with the consequences of me knowing. He just justified it by saying that it was for me.

And 8 years or so later, when he did finally tell me... yep, it hurt. It hurt big time! But he didn't do me any favors by not telling me before. And when his mom found out, she was hurt. She was disappointed. She cried. But she has dealt with it much better than me. She has a mother's unconditional love. She is anxious to forgive him and for him to heal.

Tell you parents. They can take it. They can help you get out of the darkness of secrets. You don't want to be telling your beloved wife in 20 years instead.

Teddy, I am proud of you. Thank you for trying to take care of this in your youth."
posted at 13:19:38 on February 20, 2011 by katie
Telling is SO hard...    
"but, SO worth it! I can't emphasize enough that God will strengthen and guide your parents and you when you are open about this. I thought for years that I could kick this on my own. It wasn't until I realized that I was powerless and turned to God to repent (repenting and quitting are different) that God gave me the power to quit! God has blessed me tremendously! He will bless you Teddy! You can do it! Your parents can do it!"
posted at 13:37:43 on February 20, 2011 by hubster
I agree with everyone    
"I salute you to realize that you need to change at this young age. You are a special kid with a special mission!! Despite all the porn the spirit has gotten trough you and you are looking for help. That's wonderful! My life and my children's lives would have been so different if my husband had been more aware of the need to change at your age. Now you must act. Everyone is right, this addiction thrives is secrecy and the only way out is to enlist help from our loved one. As a parent, I hope that no matter how sick or how many problems I have, if my child was dealing with something as dangerous as this and was battling evil on a daily basis, I hope with all my heart, that they will come to me, and have enough confidence and trust in my love and my capacity to help them. I know every parent feels that way. Teddy, tell your parents, they are stronger than you think and love you more than you think, yes they will be disappointed, but you will find that they will be so glad you told them. Again, Porn addiction is Satan's plan, he wants you to be alone in this and wants to convince you, you can do it on your own. But this addiction has been liken by many to spiritual cancer. Can anyone think of beating it on their own? No, you need all the help you can get. Do not given in to Satan's lies that you must not hurt anyone or add to anyone's burdens. Pray about it and have the courage to do what the Lord tells you. Go see your bishop. These are the first steps to your recovery and you will never regret making those steps. Virtually, all addicts here wish they could go back at your age, and tell their parents, bishops, go to ARP, etc... and really recover!!!
Good luck to you
crushed"
posted at 20:07:17 on February 20, 2011 by Anonymous
i'm feeling good....    
"@ETTE: Thanks for that page i read it and it has some good advice especially the breathing and waiting technique i'll definitely put those in practice.I'm still scared about the whole telling thing but deep down i know i have to i just think i should wait is that bad?

oh and don't worry i'll try to post every day you know this is really helping!

@KATIE:Thank you for your kind words,i know it's going to hurt but you have a point i don't want my mom to be hurting more knowing i kept it from her or my dad.They have a right to know i'd like my children to tell me when they're doing bad so i'm going to do what i'd want my children to do.Also is it bad to tell your parents first? i feel better telling them first then my bishop.

and thank you.

@HUBSTER: thank you i know god will help me and my parents get through it.I feel it when i'm praying i know he's listening,and i feel like i can do it no i will do it! i'm determined to open up.

@ANONYMOUS: I had a feeling when i was reading your post i know that god would want me to tell them and satan wouldn't want me to and i wont let him win i know what i have to do.Well i guess if everyone wished they could do it my age i should take advantage and see how lucky i am am do it!

Don't worry i'll pray and i'll open up when the times right.

thank you everyone this really helps me i feel great.

oh by the way it's been one day sober! :)"
posted at 22:41:17 on February 20, 2011 by Teddy
1 day!    
"Congrats on the first day of the rest of your life.

I think it is fine to tell your parents first. The important thing is to tell as soon as possible!"
posted at 22:48:27 on February 20, 2011 by hubster
Congrats    
"congrats on your one day of sobriety. I know from dating an addict that, that's a big deal. I'm happy you want to tell your parents, and i think that it is okay to do it when your ready, just don't wait too long. I think it will be nice for you to let it out.

keep up the good work. and take it one day at a time okay.
:)"
posted at 22:50:25 on February 20, 2011 by heartfelt
Congratulations!!    
"One day is huge. I've always thought that Day 1 is the hardest. I agree with the rest of the people here. Tell whomever you feel most comfortable telling first and do it when you feel the time is right, just don't wait too long, especially because it would be good if you can start going to ARP meetings and that will probably be hard to do without telling your parents. Keep it up!"
posted at 01:08:53 on February 21, 2011 by dstanley
thank you i'm ready to make it 2 days!    
"@HUBSTER: Thank you i'm glad i made it 1 day!It's the morning and i'm ready to make it 2 days!
thanks i rather tell my parents first.

@HEARTFELT: Thank you,and yeah i mean i was filled with joy sometimes it would be hard just to make it one hour,yea it won't be too long just i'm going to wait a little i mean my sister is in the hospital so you know how those things can be.OK i sure will take it one day at a time thanks.

@DSTANLEY:I know i kept thinking about it but writing to you guys makes me feel better!
i also wanted to know more about APR meetings and would i be alone or with a group of addicts?

thanks guys this really helps me a lot i appreciate it,let's make it 2 days!

oh and i also wanted to ask what should i say to my parents you know to make it less painful or graphic?

"Lucifer will do all in his power to keep you captive. You are familiar with his strategy. He whispers: “No one will ever know.” “Just one more time.” “You can’t change; you have tried before and failed.” “It’s too late; you’ve gone too far.” Don’t let him discourage you. When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on. "— Richard G. Scott

i just read this and loved it because i remember times in my head when i was falling "It's too late why would it matter if you do it again...." and i never ever thought that was satan but i should've,and sometimes i would listen to that voice and fall so he would win.Not anymore,i'll never listen to that voice again.Also when i do something right i feel great,and not only that but i feel peace calm and nice."
posted at 08:00:00 on February 21, 2011 by Teddy
ARP Meetings    
"I hope your sister gets better quickly!

ARP meetings are different everywhere. In some meetings they addicts and loved ones are together. In some they are separate. Some have large groups meeting and some have small groups. My impression is that the Utah groups are quite large. Where I live, at least 90% of those who attend are from my ward (because the last two sets of ARP missionaries are from our ward and the last 2 bishops have been believers in the program). We have only about a dozen people each week. But, it is great. You go over one step each meeting and discuss the step and its action steps. There is a basic meeting structure that is the same everywhere.

I told everyone I wanted to go to the meetings thinking they would be full of tips and everything. But, it was better, the meetings helped me grow closer to Christ through repentance! Good luck with day 2!"
posted at 08:15:31 on February 21, 2011 by hubster
more questions    
"@HUBSTER: Thank you i can tell she's getting better i visited her a while ago.I also wanted to know does the bishop always put you in a meeting or how does that work does he ask you?"
posted at 14:18:16 on February 21, 2011 by Teddy
The Bishop    
"When I went to the Bishop I asked to go. I know our Bishop has asked others o go. Once he accompanied a man to his first meeting. Your Bishop may or may not be aware of the meetings. Just let him know you want to go. Another resource is the church's LDS Family Services web page. You can find the meeting closest to you. You can show up even before you tell your Bishop!"
posted at 15:15:25 on February 21, 2011 by hubster
oh...    
"@HUBSTER: Thanks for the info,Well read my new blog that i'm going to make i already opened up to the bishop and he told me about the whole meeting thing."
posted at 21:32:37 on February 22, 2011 by Teddy


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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball