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the little things
By time2heal
2/15/2011 6:12:33 PM
I've finally felt lately like I can trust my husband. I've stopped obessing over if he'll relapse or not. I felt like I was in a really good spot. Then I just discovered that he lied about something...really minor and stupid and nothing to do with the addiction, but still it was a lie all the same. If he's lying about the little things does this mean he's lying about the big things as well? I hate this! I just don't believe I'll ever be able to fully trust him.

Comments:

I know    
"I understand completely! It is so hard to have built your life with someone (had kids, ect) and not be able to trust them. I just read this Ensign article today about trusting your spouse.
http://lds.org/liahona/1989/05/trust-in-your-marriage?lang=eng />
It is impossible to have a really happy, secure marriage without trust. I am sorry, Sister!"
great article    
"The link did not work but I was able to find the article. It is very insightful and I think that both spouses and addicts should read it. I struggle with trusting people. It always seems like I get hurt by the people I love the most but I’ve been working on my trust issues for years and it’s hard but I’m getting better. I article is titled “Trust In Your Marriage” by Christie H. Frandsen. It is very beautiful and I found it helpful to me as I am trying to heal. One of my favorite quotes in it is this; Spencer W. Kimball said:
“While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more joyful than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person. … It is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.” (Marriage and Divorce, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1976, page 16.)


And I think it is a must read if you want to know about trust and if you want to better your relationship with yourself, the Lord, or your spouse.

time2Heal i will keep you in my prayers tonight
love heartfelt :)

The link is: http://lds.org/liahona/1989/05/trust-in-your-marriage?lang=eng"
posted at 00:34:45 on February 16, 2011 by heartfelt
Not Neccessarily    
"I don't think the fact that he lied about something small means that he's lying about the big things. Do you ever lie about little things like he did? I don't exactly what he lied about, but I think all of us have told small lies at some point. I know that the fact that he's told big lies makes it harder. I hope that he's not lying about the big stuff."
posted at 00:22:59 on February 17, 2011 by dstanley
No small lies and Mark Hacking    
"A small lie is a slip. If my husband tells even a itty bitty, tiny lie, he sleeps in the spare bedroom for a week. That is my boundary, yours may be different.

I hate to quote a convicted killer, but whenever I hear anyone justify lying in any degree, I always think about Mark Hacking. The murder of his wife started with little lies.

There are no small lies and we should never excuse a lie because "we all do it". We should not tell any lies, ever. That is the goal. It doesn't matter if he has bigger lies. A lie is a lie. If we are honest with ourselves and others, we are clean before each other and before God. When you have been hurt by your husband's lies, 100% honesty and nothing less is acceptable. Because trust was once broken any lie is a big deal, and that means any lie.

Please read what Mark Hacking said to his dead wife's family:


"I know prison is where I need to be. I will spend my time there doing all I can to right the many wrongs I have done, though I realize complete atonement is impossible in this life. I have a lot of healing and changing to do, but I hope that some day I can become the man Lori always thought I was.

To the many people I have hurt, I am more sorry than you could ever know. Every day my soul burns in torment when I think of what you must be going through. I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I could take back all the lies I have told and replace them with the truth. I wish I could put Lori back into your arms. My pain is deserved; yours is not. From the bottom of my heart, I beg for your forgiveness.

There is no such thing as a harmless lie no matter how small it is. You may think a lie only hurts the liar, but this is far from the truth. If you are traveling a path of lies, please stop now and face the consequences. Whatever those consequences, they will be better than the pain you are causing yourself and others."

Mark Hacking"
posted at 00:56:19 on February 17, 2011 by Anonymous
My Intent    
"I only intended to remind us that none of us is perfect in that regard, and a lie about a small thing doesn't mean that there are lies about big things. I'm not trying to justify lying."
posted at 01:14:22 on February 17, 2011 by dstanley


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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball