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By adrastos
2/3/2011 5:42:52 PM
I'm not as eloquent as some of you, my writing is only so so. And I'm not very long winded, heaven knows I don't have the time for that, but I'm struggling with a sexual addiction to p0rn and all that goes with it. I'm married with children. My wife knows about my problem, I talk to my bishop on and off. I gone sporadically to AR meetings in my area.

But here I am, I've acted out 3 times in the last 24 hours. I'm filled to the brim with stress at work and at home. I do try to read my scriptures and say my prayers, I've been doing so much better lately. And I do try to fight temptation, but here I am... in the mud, again. Seems like my whole adult life as stayed here.

My only consolation is that I have kept trying. But I'm getting to the point where I need to get this out of my life. My kids need a dad that is worthy to give them blessings. My wife needs a husband that she can trust. I need to be the man that can have confidence in myself and trust in God.

But its so easy to slip back into that filth that is familiar and comforting, even if perverted and self-destructive.

I don't know what I'm asking for, I'm not sure what to do. I know all the Sunday School answers, I already know what a lot of replies to a post like this will be. After trying to overcome an addiction like this for nearly 10 years will do that to you. I need help.

Comments:

You know what...    
"18 years of addiction. 14 months of sobriety. The only thing that worked...completely embracing the Sunday School answers. :) Good luck!"
posted at 17:48:56 on February 3, 2011 by hubster
Got to love them answers    
"I will add that they only worked for me because I REALLY, TRULY, HONESTLY, FAITHFULLY, AND EVERYTHING ELSE ENDING WITH A "LY" WANTED IT MORE THAN ONE MORE BREATH TO KEEP ME ALIVE.

Really ask yourself out of 100%, HOW MUCH TO YOU WANT THIS???

Any answer less that 100 is not good enough.

We must desire freedom with all our heart, might mind and strength.

Correct me if I am wrong but you said you are getting to that point of no turning back, point of no return.

In your writing it seems you are nearly there but caught in a tough place.

Free yourself brother, get yourself to that point of no return and then move on and don't look back.

Sounds easy I know. But don't let that keep you from giving up the crap."
posted at 19:23:04 on February 3, 2011 by ruggaexpat
Trying    
"It's good that you keep trying. You're going to have to get more consistent about the things you're doing. Go to ARP every week. Study the scriptures and pray every day. Come here regularly, even when (or especially when) you're struggling. Try and find a sponsor if you can. It's hard work, but you can do it."
posted at 22:23:40 on February 3, 2011 by dstanley
I know how you feel    
"I'm pretty sure I've had nearly everyone of those thoughts you expressed in your post, at least once. More than likely everyone else here has, too. I'm pretty new in this recovery process, but already I feel much stronger and better than I've felt in a long time. Like the others have mentioned, something that really began to help me was committing 100% to the things that help bring a change of heart. Reading your scriptures and praying EVERY day is huge, as well as the recovery meetings (I'm starting next week). Those things will help you spiritually, and get you closer to the spirit and the Atonement which will ultimately cleanse and heal you.

Additionally, you should read "He Restoreth My Soul" by Donald L. Hilton Jr. to get a better idea of what is physically happening to you (neurologically and chemically) because of the addiction. I just started this book last week and already I have a much better understanding of the processes taking place, and the healing that is possible.

Another member on here (Kaybee) also directed me to this link when I first joined this site: http://www.ldsr.org/blog/?p=308 The link doesn't appear to be working right now, but try it again in a bit. It's a great article about taking a few deep breaths when you feel temptation setting in, refocus on the things immediately around you, and then make your own choices about what you want to do. Don't dwell on things, set it aside and move along.

One last thing since I know this is getting kinda long! The thing that honestly helps me the most throughout the day is this site! There's rarely a time I'm on the computer that I'm not logged into this site. There's such a strength that comes from being continually reminded about what you're fighting for, receiving love and support, and feeling the spirit from the great experiences and testimonies that others share on here. In fact, I'm sitting in the library now supposed to be studying but I'm on here! :) haha But it really helps.

Good luck, brother. You can do it. You're not in this alone, cuz we're all here for ya!"
posted at 14:22:35 on February 4, 2011 by JustMe
AMEN!    
"amen to what you said justme. i agree that there is so much strength in this site and im glad that article helped you as it helped me."
posted at 18:47:05 on February 4, 2011 by Anonymous
Thanks everybody    
"Thanks for your comments and encouragement. I really want to give this 100%. Some days the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Sometimes I can be having an excellent day and out of nowhere I'll find my self doing something really stupid. I do lack consistency, I think I always have. I'm not sure what to do about that. The "Just do it" model that I've tried in the past lacks some no how. But I won't give up on the Sunday school answers, even if I don't completely understand how to implement them.

Thanks for your help, I'm going to try to come here more often, especially when I'm struggling."
posted at 10:06:44 on February 5, 2011 by Adrastos


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"I will speak briefly of the principle of repentance. How grateful I am for the understanding we have of this great principle. It is not a harsh principle, as I thought when I was a boy. It is kind and merciful. The Hebrew root of the word means, simply, "to turn," or to return, to God. Jehovah pled with the children of Israel: "Return . . . and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful . . . and I will not keep anger for ever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God." When we acknowledge our sins, confess them and forsake them, and turn to God, He will forgive us."

— Richard G. Hinckley

General Conference April 2006